Game Give Away!

[Jerakl]

Yay a giveaway! Post in the thread to be entered!

 

 

DID YOU REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE THAT EASY?

 

No. 452: Attendance at the five hour story-telling party is absolutely mandatory.

 

In order to be entered you must tell me a story. 1 Story per person, in accordance with rule 452 it must be submitted 5 hours from now, any entries after that will not be counted.

 

I will be picking by the story I find the most humorous or interesting, So choose wisely,  you only get one chance. Although I guess you could edit the post.

 

Prizes up for grabs.

1*Lovely Planet

1*Iron Storm

 

I would have ibe copyof Depth II but I accidentally redeemed it

 

 

Any further questions? Ask me by tagging me with @ Jerakl (no space)

 

Good Luck, and may your imagination be with you!

 

Now,

 

 

My legend begins in the twelfth century. Do you want to hear the chronicles of my heroism? Very well, in the flower of my youth, I was often described as ‘trendy’. This is not to say that I followed any of the latest trends, no, but that I was ‘trendy’ in the sense that I started them. I recall the trip I took that summer to the moon, which was quite ‘trendy’ at the time. On the trip there, I spent my time drinking a cup of Earl Grey, which was also ‘trendy’. When I arrived, I dressed in my most ‘trendy’ suit and performed a ballet jeté onto the surface.

there is a list of 1,000 provisions you must peruse. Be sure to look through all of them, they're important. I greatly look forward to your participation in number 452 the five hour story telling party.

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Some of the known tasks that Excalibur demands of and inflicts upon his prospective wielders are:

* 1: My mornings start off with a cup of coffee with cream

* 22: A refreshing morning begins with a refreshing greeting

* 57: Always place a dehumidifier in your room.

*56: You must submit yourself daily to the rigors of polishing my cane

* 58: When I'm humming a tune to myself, you must not speak!

* 75: Excalibur's birthday must be celebrated in a grand manner

*111: You must turn 1000 somersaults while singing God Save the Queen and making my afternoon tea. Earl Grey only, please.

* 172: Seek harmony seek it thus

* 202: The highest class toilet must be prepared

* 278: You must never permit carrots in my meals

* 349: You must never violate my food preferences

* 452: You must attend my daily 5 hour story telling party

* 473: You're to always stay 3 steps behind me while walking

*476: Never trust a meerkat.

* 578: A hero shall always convey the truth

* 602: Food must be freshly prepared

* 667: Always praise Excalibur

* 679: I must always have a dehumidifier in my room

* 778: Never mail out packages cash-on-delivery

* 998: When you order a package for home delivery, you must always use cash on delivery.

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It's true, I am no longer the rough-and-tumble youth I once was. This reminds me of a story- you see, it was a day just like today; only quite different. The sky was more blue, and everyone wore wigs which was the style at the time. Or was ...it top hats? No, I’m certain it was top hats, and I should know as I started the trend. That was when I saw her- wearing the largest and most magnificent wig, which as I mentioned was the style at the time. Of course, her headwear paled in comparison to my own fashionable top hat, but that is another matter. As I was saying, it was her magnificent top hat that first caught my eye. It was scarcely a day before we decided to elope. But it would not be easy!

We had been captured by the Mongolians who, having heard of my extraordinary power wished to beg me for my service. Why even back then people said that I was formidable. They still do, in fact. “Excalibur!” She shouted, “I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!” I told her that I would save not only her, but also her magnificent wig, which was the style at the time. To sum up; provision number seven hundred and six: Never wear pants after labour day.

One must take time to think! Rushing forward without considering things beforehand is the hight of foolishness. Ahh yes that reminds of of another time when I had to consider things, that case was long ago but I remember it still. It was back when I still hung my hat on Bakers St. and called it home

[werto165]

This is too much work for a giveaway, I would but it's 3am...

[Fulgrim]

Can't be arsed mate.

[Yummychickenblue]

Not worth it.

[Shd0w2]

[Jerakl]

All this typing was totally worth the replies.

[AlwaysFSX]

Once upon a time, I cared. Then I stopped. I have been happier ever sense.

[Yummychickenblue]

All this typing was totally worth the replies.

I'm glad my comment made your time worthwhile.

[BuckGup]

Wait Until You Read This

Short Story By: Sam Strecker

Chapter 1

It was a cold and stormy night, it was just my friend and I camping in the woods of Berry Hill. I woke up when I heard a weird noise coming from outside. I stuck my head out to see what it was but it stopped. I assumed it was branches rubbing or some sort of animal. I started hearing it again, then my head started to hurt and there was a big flash of light! Then nothing, as if it was a bad dream.

Something wasn’t right though because it wasn’t raining and it was hot and sunny. I stuck my head out and saw a tee pee. I rubbed my eyes then squeezed them shut. But when I opened them it was still there. It was as if we teleported to the past.

At that moment I turned around to wake up John but he wasn’t there. Where could he have gone? I searched the tent frantically for a flashlight. When I found one I also found a note saying, “The one who sees dark is the one who sees….”.The note just ended, there was no more.

 

I sat there pondering about the note for a good hour or two. When I realized it was the instructions for John’s board game, I felt like a complete idiot. I started to get this voice in my head saying look outside and your wildest thoughts will come true. I poked my head out, and what do you know it was Sacajawea punching Gandalf! The battle was so intense and lasted about 9 hours before Sacajawea roundhouse kicked Gandalf to Pluto.

I had to know where I was! I stepped out of the tent and started to smell something funny. It smelled of wet dogs and apple pie, it almost smelled as if it was coming from the tee pee. I walked closer to see John Travolta baking an apple pie with Whoopi Goldberg petting a wet dog. I couldn’t believe my eyes, the apple pie had no whipped cream on it!

Now I heard someone yelling, it almost sounded like “I see skies of blue and clouds of white, what a wonderful world”. Well what do you know Louis Armstrong was singing “What a Wonderful World” with Obama doing the chicken dance. I must be in heaven I thought.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I spun around to find John. I asked him where he was and he said,”I was busy polishing Abe Lincoln’s car”. I was in awe, he met a car. But there was no time for standing around I had to save Princess Leia, from Bowser’s castle.

John and I hopped onto our bears and started running full speed to the Hills of You Won’t Come Back From These Hills Alive. We got there just in time to save the last Snickers from being eaten but most importantly we saved Princess Elizabeth.

John and I suddenly felt a cold wind on our necks. We turned around to see an old women sitting by a slow stream of sewer water. She had a beard that stretched past her knees, with thousands of sardines swimming in it and her eyes had so many barnacles on them it looked as if it was the moon. I slowly approached her with John close behind. She was asleep! It was great timing because if she was awake, she would hail her bodyguard at us. At that moment I had the urge to play the Bagpipe so much I took mine out of my pocket and started playing it. This woke up the old women who took

out a magical staff and waved it around saying,”mmmmmmaaaammmmmaaaaohohohohohhoho mmaa”. John and I didn’t know how to react. I then found out she was calling her bodyguard, Bigfoot!

John and I ran faster than most commercial airliners today. That was no match though because Bigfoot could fly at speeds of mach 40. In no time at all he caught up with us. I started to shake in fear but then I remember Bigfoot’s weakness is death. So I took a twig and filed it into a battle axe and swung so hard my arm dislocated. Bigfoot let out a big yodel just before he took his last breath. John and I had done it we defeated Bigfoot!

We couldn't celebrate too soon because Bigfoot’s yodel started an avalanche. I had seen on TLC how to survive an avalanche of paparazzi and fans, so it must be the same. I put my sunglasses on and covered my face with my turtleneck. I could hear it getting closer and closer then nothing. I looked around and saw it worked, all the snow went around me but John didn’t listen and now he was buried. I yelled for him and listened, I heard a muffled “help I’m not buried you're standing on my face”. I looked down and I was standing on John's face. I quickly jumped off and helped him up.

I looked at John and then he disappeared, then the snow and then everything else disappeared too. It was completely black. I walked around until I heard a voice, it sounded familiar. I looked up and heard Morgan Freeman narrating everything I did. I yelled at him to stop but then he disappeared. I got this feeling in my face like I got hit by a bus. Then in a blink of an eye the world rushed in and I was laying under a bus bleeding. I wanted to scream but couldn’t, I tried to move my hand but couldn’t. I laid there until I felt an arm pull my out from the bus and that arm was John’s.

Chapter 2

I woke up and everything was white, I was in a hospital. I turned to the right and saw my heartbeat on the monitor then I turned to the left and John was sitting in the chair sleeping. I tried to say something but my throat was so sore. I tugged at his leg and then he fell to the ground. There was a bullet hole in the back of his head! I gasped! I looked and say that the window had a bullet hole in it. I forced myself up to the door where I saw that the handle was wielded on.

 

I have to get out of here I thought. I frantically searched around for something to break the door down. Conveniently there was a sledgehammer in the cupboard. I looked at it and it, lifted it up, and realized it weighed 50 pounds. As I lifted it, I could hear popping in my arms. I ignored them and swung at the door knob. It flew off missing my head by an inch. When I looked around the corner there was a sign saying, “DO NOT OPEN DOORS BIOHAZARD CLEANUP IN PROGRESS!” I looked through the window and saw a child with a teddy bear standing in the middle of the hallway staring through a door of broken glass. Inside was a piles of dead bodies wearing biohazard suits. I flinched with fear but when I looked closer the child was gone. I stepped back not knowing what happened. I was slowly walking back when I tripped over a teddy bear. I looked up and saw the child in the ceiling and then it turned its head 180 degrees before scampering off on the ceiling like a spider.

I had to go back to my room, but when I turned around the walls were flat with no doors. I frantically looked around for doors but they all disappeared. I looked down and saw a pool of blood that was forming. I looked at myself and saw no open wounds. I looked up and saw the child eating a man’s head, dripping blood on me! I almost fainted but held myself together, I ran as fast as I could but the hallway seemed endless. I looked back and saw the child looking at me with all white eyes. I ran faster but it was no use because the child always got closer the farther away I got.

The child was almost touching me now and I thought this is the end when a man jumps out with a net and catches the child. I didn’t know how to react. He turned at me and said, “this might be a bad time but I’m John.”

I looked at the man and said,”you're not John, because John didn’t have a scar on his cheek and a beard”. He said,”You might not think it’s me but It is”! I’m just from the future” I said, “let me see your hand.” He showed me his hand. Oh my gosh it is you because you have the same scar I gave you in Kindergarten! He smiled at me and said, “I’m from the future to protect you from making a choice that will affect the whole world”. We then hopped on his motorcycle and we rode off into the sunset. Which was very hot because the sun is a big burning ball of gases.

Chapter 3

Today was Kwanzaa. It was a very hot day. David Hasselhoff was out on the beach patrolling, kids were staring at the sun burning there corneas out, all around it was a perfect day. John got up later because he had been poisoned the other day and needed to rest to get rid of the poison.

After breakfast I had a great idea it, was that I was going to learn how to fly my bear. When John finally got up we headed for the airport. It was taking a long time to get to the airport. It was probably because it was over 120 miles away. As we drove along the beach we saw many people, we saw Bob Barker skydiving, Bill Cosby fighting a man on crutches, and we also saw Miley Cyrus eating a seagull. As we drove into a tunnel I looked back and saw the guy on crutches pull a meat cleaver out of his pocket and hack up Bill Cosby’s face. He then proceeded to jump on a pig and fly over the moon.

After a couple of hours we finally got to the airport. Since it was Kwanzaa it was really busy, so we had to time our tests in between take offs. You could imagine it was pretty fun.

I was up first, I could feel sweat rolling down my face. I slowly pulled on the reins of the bear, telling it to start running. I then put the rutters at full up. I had all the fuel lines and engines checked. I was clear to take off. I started gaining speed, more and more and more! Pretty soon I was going fast enough to take off, so I pulled up and the bear started to lean up. It was working! I spoke too soon. At that very moment the rutters ripped off and I went straight towards a plane on the ground at mach 20. I could feel my face starting to rip off at these speeds. I thought this is it I’m done for. I braced for impact, counting in my head 500 feet, 400 feet, 300 feet, 200 feet, 100 feet! Then boom it felt as if I got hit by a train. I then tumbled around and my face hit my knees which knocked me out.

When I woke up I  looked to the left and saw Gary Paulsen and Richard Simmons dancing to “Puttin on The Ritz”. I looked over to the right and also saw Nicholas Cage and Arnold Schwarzenegger beating up George Washington. I forced myself up, to see that when I was falling I got hit by a train just before I crashed into the plane, which saved everyone on it. I saw something in the sky it was John! He was actually flying his bear like pro. I never thought I could see something as majestic as that. I took my hat off and started singing the national anthem. I started to tear up ,then I started crying. I cried so much that it started filling up the airport, and pretty soon we all had to evacuate the area.

The Final Chapter

The next day I woke up early and started walking to school. I passed Jerry the milkman when he was on his morning murder, and Fernando doing his morning stab classes. I then looked in a window and saw a man following me. It was almost as he wanted to do something to me. I quickened my pace, and he quickened his. I ran and he ran, I started sweating a lot. I turned right, then left, yet he still was following me. I started taking out my phone to call 911, but I tripped on my shoelaces. I fell to the ground with a big thud.  He hovered over me looking into my soul before knocking me out and throwing me in his van.

When I woke up I was in a warehouse tied to a metal table. I tried to untie myself but it was no use. I looked up and saw a giant bag holding something moving in it. I heard a loud bang and the bag opened releasing millions of tiny spiders. I screamed and squirmed! All the spiders were crawling down my throat and in my eyes and ears. I slowly felt myself filling with spiders. I couldn’t breath now, every time I inhaled it was spiders. My head started pounding, my lungs screamed for air. I heard a loud rip and saw my stomach rip open having thousands of spiders crawl out.  That was the last thought I had before everything went black.

[Jerakl]

I guess I'll win by default then since no one wants to type something out

 

I currently have like a 79 in math and there's this big quiz tomorrow that I need to ace in order to get my grade up to at least a mid B. Well, I purposely planned out my day so I would have a few hours to study once I get home after practice. I showered right after practice, did all my previous homework during lunch, and packed a ton of snacks so I wouldn't have to cook and make dinner...well, when I get home I sat down to start hitting the books and I realized I left my backpack at school in the locker room.

 

FML

 

i should be studying but I have accepted failure (to a certain extent, I'll probably get a B on it)

lol. What's TTCF BTW?

 

-snip-

Alright then.

You get a point for effort!

Unless of course you copypasta'd that.

[Guest]

I didn't actual read the post so IDK if there are story requirements so I'm going to just write a story.

 

Once upon a time I was in school. It was a very mundane day. I looked to my left and I saw a girl with beautiful red hair. I thought to myself, "This could be my chance." I slowly approached her and said, "I think you have very beautiful hair." I waited for a reply for about 3 seconds, but none came. I then suddenly realized she didn't hear or notice me because she had earphones in. Due to this I tapped her on her shoulder to get her attention. She then looked me in the eyes. (It was almost too much to bear) Her blue eyes were so beautiful. I then asked her, her name. I was surprised that she actually told me her name. Her name was Amber. I quickly replied with, "Amber? That's a beautiful name! My name is Michael." She then said, "Oh, cool" and put her earphones back in. At that moment I felt as if I had been completely rejected. I was angry. I could feel my temperature rising, but I calmed myself and returned to my seat. As our class ended I decided to approach her once more. I said, "Hey, you want to hang out sometime?" I was terrified of what her reply would be, but fortunately she said, "Yeah, sure." I was so happy. Deep down though I felt as if she didn't care about me and only said that to be nice, but that thought quickly changed because she gave me her number. Later that night I text her with, "Hey, What's up?" I waited only 5 minutes for a reply, but it felt like a life time. when the reply came I could feel my heart shatter. It wasn't her it was some stranger. I felt betrayed and decided to give up on life. I decided I don't need people in my life. I only need to care about myself. I then ventured online to find a place where people could accept me. I found a magical place called Linus Tech Tips, even there I feel as if I'm not welcome sometimes, but it is indeed my new home. I don't need girls they break your hear.

 

I don't know what this story is about, I just wrote it and I'm to lazy to read it so...   

[Guest]

@SamStrecker I don't believe you typed a story that fast.

[Jerakl]

@SamStrecker I don't believe you typed a story that fast.

TBH I don't either.

 

Especially with te formatting in that.

[BuckGup]

I wrote the entire story myself but I wrote it yesterday for English.