Relationship Dilemma

[SouthernStallion]

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[spartaman64]

I sort of agree with her on one thing by what you describe it seems that you are too careful and passive. Being assertive/straight forward doesn't mean being a jerk. I'm not sure what shes like so maybe she gave you reason to think otherwise but I always know my gf will assume the best of me so I can say stuff without worry. "I've told her that she can see other men if that makes her happy" i think this is a big no no and this could be giving her the sense that you dont really care. 

[SouthernStallion]

1 minute ago, spartaman64 said:

I sort of agree with her on one thing by what you describe it seems that you are too careful and passive. Being assertive/straight forward doesn't mean being a jerk. I'm not sure what shes like so maybe she gave you reason to think otherwise but I always know my gf will assume the best of me so I can say stuff without worry. "I've told her that she can see other men if that makes her happy" i think this is a big no no and this could be giving her the sense that you dont really care. 

I see. Thanks

[SouthernStallion]

2 minutes ago, Arika S said:

without knowing more about her i'm not going to comment on what she's doing or saying, so instead i'm going to focus on your actions. It seems as if you were maybe too laid back and therefore came across as un-interested in her.

 

The way you make it out is that when she voices dissatisfaction, that you just sit there and take it, but don't respond to it. you were just of of "there" as her boyfriend, but you weren't acting as she expects a boyfriend should.

 

To you this "came out of nowhere" but i guarantee it's something she has been thinking over for a long time...actually, given everything you have said, it shouldn't have been that much of a shock.

Exhibit A - ?

 

and then this

is the wrong attitude to have. a relationship is supposed to be mutual and she may have seen this as "he doesn't want to put any effort into our relationship".

 

Again, i don't know her, but i'm looking at all of this from a female's point of view.

Thank you

[spartaman64]

4 minutes ago, SouthernStallion said:

I see. Thanks

also when my gf says something like she feels like im going to leave her i tell her what i like about her and all the things she did and does for me

[SouthernStallion]

Just now, spartaman64 said:

also when my gf says something like she feels like im going to leave her i tell her what i like about her and all the things she did and does for me

Shoot I should have done that more

[Spotty]

30 minutes ago, SouthernStallion said:

I don't know (women any help) we had this conversation this morning and she says "I get the feeling that you don't love me; or we are distant" to which I replied "that is an insecurity" and she agreed.

In my experience (learning the hard way) if a woman says that the correct (and only) response is "I love you so much" followed by listing everything you love about her; not questioning her mental stability.

[captain_to_fire]

29 minutes ago, SouthernStallion said:

Part of me feels at this stage that I've allowed a lot of behaviour most men would not have tolerated, of course I gave her all the power (as is the case in the 21st century) I feel as though it's being abused now, I guess, I don't mean to do anything out of order, but it seems to happen.

I don’t know about you but I think the problem started on the one in bold. 

[SouthernStallion]

1 minute ago, Spotty said:

In my experience (learning the hard way) if a woman says that the correct (and only) response is "I love you so much" followed by listing everything you love about her; not questioning her mental stability.

Fuck, who knew there was a correct response, this is like taking a college paper