the pain of wanted to block someone but you can't

[zassou]

i have this co-worker of sort, talented programmer and 3d artist. working with him for a year now, generally a decent individual to work with.

 

besides work however, many of his views makes me uneasy, let's say he reads different newspaper than me. im not a sociable person and i'd like to keep our things professional. he is like those self-centred frat bros, love sports, women and the best of them all, gossips; who just cant stop talking and always wants to dominate the conversation, making weird arguments around his narcissist point of view. kinda like a preacher, but shitty-ier.

 

obviously i cannot ignore him due to our nature of business, but im kinda tired of avoiding him in every possible way. kinda ruin your day if somehow he got in your daily life. i kinda want to tell him to leave me alone outside of work, but don't know how to phrase it without ruin the relationship.

 

another thing, i use telegram a lot, the instant messager. easy to use, private, safe. one thing that always annoys me is that in group chat you can't block people. you can however block them on 1 to 1 chat. the dev simply says the group chat is like a public square, if you cant stand someone you can just leave. what a nonsense, how about earplugs? such individuals always come out something aweful, disrespectful or simply inmature, i would like to tell them it's not okay to say such thing, but on the other hand i hate to start a fight. so all i do is put it away, better ruin my day than everyone's.

 

anyway i guess in any sizable social groups there bound to be someone you are not fond of. things they say, things they do, beliefs they believe in. even to the point that you probably start hating things those they associated with, despite those arent necessary the things you would normally hate, like profile pictures and devices they use or games they play.

 

 

[GoldenLag]

in other words. you dont get along with him because his has tastes you dont align well with him?

[zassou]

2 hours ago, GoldenLag said:

in other words. you dont get along with him because his has tastes you dont align well with him?

in another way to put it, pretty close. basically he is a jerk but good at coding and doing blender, and an okay co-worker, other than work, a jerk.

[GoldenLag]

Just now, zassou said:

in another way to put it, pretty close. basically he is a jerk but good at coding and doing blender, and a okay co-worker, other than work, a jerk.

You dont have to get close to people you work with. If you dont get alobg as buddies there is no issue in keeping them at an arms lenght

[zassou]

1 hour ago, GoldenLag said:

You dont have to get close to people you work with. If you dont get alobg as buddies there is no issue in keeping them at an arms lenght

if i get close to him, ill probably got beat up pretty bad lol. i have a habit of making people angry.

 

joking aside, im a freelancer, i dont meet people in the face.

[Tobimaru]

I hear you. I work in a restaurant with a lot of staff. Some people are really easy to get along with, and other people are simply terrible. My first year or so there I really struggled with getting along with my assistant manager and her unique style of FREAKING OUT OVER EVERYTHING, crying, yelling, etc. In general, just a really odd personality that I don't mesh with AT ALL but unfortunately still someone I needed to respect and work with. I've never cried at work, but it seems a weekly occurrence with some people.

 

Another hard thing to portray at work is that I'm just there to work. I almost never mix my work and social life. Many of my coworkers are friend's first outside of work, and coworkers second. I'm a bit older, divorced, and set in my ways. Most of my coworkers are still in the 'party, get drunk, be late with a hangover' phase of their early-20's and I've been done with that for a long time. It's awkward to turn down a bar-invitation or party-invitation from a coworker but eventually people will understand.

[dizmo]

So don't socialize with him outside of work. Easy. Nothing says you have to, and I don't see it affecting your working relationship in any way. If it does it'll likely become apparent that he's the issue, and he'll be dealt with accordingly. In life you're not going to see eye to eye with everyone you meet. It simply doesn't happen.

 

It's always important to consider and hear other people's views, even if they don't align with your own. Only truly ignorant people ignore everything but their own beliefs.

[Arika]

Part of being an adult is learning to deal with people you don't like.

 

This is something i don't like about social media, it gives people maybe a little too much control over what they hear, "if you dont like something, block them". this is a terrible way to deal with things because being stuck in an echo chamber will solve nothing.

 

When i hear someone say something i dont like my reaction is "well that guy/girl is a bit of an idiot" and move on, i don't try to plug me ears going "la la la la la la la i can't hear you"

 

if you dont like it, how about just asking them "Hey <name> and you maybe tone down the <topic i don't like> in the ground messaging" if they turn it into a "fight" as you put it, don't argue with them, let your superiors deal with him if he tries to start something

[TempestCatto]

I used to butt heads with my old supervisor. Long story short, I got him fired. It took a couple of years of gathering evidence at how shitty he was at the job, how he was abusive verbally and mentally to more than just the employees, how he would overspend our budget on useless things, how he'd steal tools and sometimes product, how horrible his construction and maintenance skills were, how he never cleaned (all in our job description), and the list honestly just never ends. As for your situation, sounds like he doesn't suck at his job so you can't get him fired. However, I feel like in due time, he may find it hard to hold a job. If this guy gossips like you say, that will come back to bite a huge chunk out of his ass. Just let him ruin his own life and not yours. As others have said, turn down any invitation he gives you. I would even politely ask "Hey man, is alright if we keep news and what not out of work? I'd like to just concentrate on our project." If he still is that much of an issue, you could ask a higher up to put you with a different partner, or maybe even talk to HR and have them tell him to stop his antics (I don't know how deep the company goes, plus you say you're freelance, so idk how much all that applies to you. But still worth a shot).

 

There's plenty of people at my new job that have very different views than I do. I just have to remember, we're all human, we all have a brain that formulates responses to things that have happened in our lives (and in others lives) that shape the way we think about life and it's complexities. I just remind myself "We're here to work, nothing more." Because I know who I am, I really don't judge people at all. So what they think about things, like politics and what not, I just simply don't care. It doesn't bother me. Some people try to egg you on with things, see how far your limits are. Don't give them the response they want, they'll never stop otherwise. 

[Guest]

People are people, you can't fix someone's attitude. As long as he puts out good work there shouldn't be an issue really. Especially if you don't meet him face-to-face then opening dialogue is crucial. Just need to tell him to keep it professional, or simply try and change the subject. IMO people are paying you both to do a job, as long as you guys can both get it done in a timely manner, not much else to be bothered with. Probably the most obvious solution would be not to use Telegram. 

[Guest]

You could say "I don't like discussing politics nor current events. Is it okay if we don't ever discuss them?"