social help please

[shouldervalley]

So my parents got divorced 4 years ago and since then I have been living with my mom and my brother. A year ago my brother moved out. after that I have been feeling like I have to do stuff with my mother, because she doesn't really have anyone else. the last two weeks she has been of from work, that made the situation even worse. I am also pretty active I spend a lot of my time at the skatepark (like 4-6 hours a day) and I am 18 in a month. and my mother has been having to do stuff herself. she's doing that guilt thing so it kills me to see that she's sad that I don't go with her.

 

I just don't know how to deal with the situation and any help is appreciated.

[DeViLzzz]

Four to six hours a day at a skate park.  I think you can change that and find some time for your mom.  As for her expecting you to be around all the time for her I doubt she expected that but you could try harder from what I am hearing.  Also does your mom have friends?  If so encourage her to go out and do things.  Is your mom acting like she is waiting for your dad to come back someday?   If she has put her life on hold kind of because of the divorce then all you can say to her is to move on and it may anger her but it may have to be done.  Also get her friends and relatives to talk to her about things if things are like I mentioned in the previous sentence.

[shouldervalley]

Four to six hours a day at a skate park.  I think you can change that and find some time for your mom.  As for her expecting you to be around all the time for her I doubt she expected that but you could try harder from what I am hearing.

like don't get me wrong I still do stuff when I can but right now it's like 30C out and I'm the guy that goes in a hoodie at -10C so It's just too damn hot and she wanted to go to de beach for the day ._.

[cluelessgenius]

So my parents got divorced 4 years ago and since then I have been living with my mom and my brother. A year ago my brother moved out. after that I have been feeling like I have to do stuff with my mother, because she doesn't really have anyone else. the last two weeks she has been of from work, that made the situation even worse. I am also pretty active I spend a lot of my time at the skatepark (like 4-6 hours a day) and I am 18 in a month. and my mother has been having to do stuff herself. she's doing that guilt thing so it kills me to see that she's sad that I don't go with her.

 

I just don't know how to deal with the situation and any help is appreciated.

well my parents are still together but my parents in law are not and from what i heared i can at least kind of relate. in my opinion you should try to help her find some kind of hobby she can do with other grownups (without you) so you are not her only social contact. a social life is pretty important but you dont have to feel bad about not wanting to do something with your mom all the time. its not your job as a child to keep your moms social life alive instead maybe help her to get into it with other people her age so she can do stuff with them. 

[shouldervalley]

well my parents are still together but my parents in law are not and from what i heared i can at least kind of relate. in my opinion you should try to help her find some kind of hobby she can do with other grownups (without you) so you are not her only social contact. a social life is pretty important but you dont have to feel bad about not wanting to do something with your mom all the time. its not your job as a child to keep your moms social life alive instead maybe help her to get into it with other people her age so she can do stuff with them. 

thanks I needed that.

[cluelessgenius]

thanks I needed that.

no problem man. life is hard and we always hav to remember the situation and our place in it. i get that you feel responsable but the fact is you are not. of course you want your mom to be happy so try to help her but dont let it bring you down. also i think you should talk with her about it at some point. just sit down and talk what you really think but handle it as if it was a intervention - create a save environment, dont judge/insult/blame her, just talk about her being unhappy and how you two could find something to change that. me personally my dad has dementia and explaining why he should do things this or that way instead of how he did it till ow is a really tuf and constant part of my life. he is afraid of any change whatsoever and doesnt get the simplest arguments. but him being my dad and all i want him to be happy and so i try to be really patient and respectful also reassuring when talking to him like its not something he did wrong its just something that could be so much better if he changed this or that. i dont know as said social life is hard

[AlwaysFSX]

like don't get me wrong I still do stuff when I can but right now it's like 30C out and I'm the guy that goes in a hoodie at -10C so It's just too damn hot and she wanted to go to de beach for the day ._.

After coming from a place where it would get to the mid 40's, 30 isn't that bad.

 

It won't kill you to spend time with your mom and you'll be thankful for it later.