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What is your best joke?

Quantum
By Quantum
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Posted

I'm a bit down today and I want to hear some jokes to have me a good laugh and cheer me up as well as other people who aren't having the best of days. Here's a joke that always makes me die.  
*KEEP IT RELATIVELY APPROPRIATE GUYS* 

 

 

What do you call a cheap circumcision? 

A rip off ;).   

 

CASE: FRACTAL DESIGN DEFINE R4  |  MOBO: MSI MPOWER Z77  |  CPU: Intel i5 3570k @ 4.4 GHz  |  CPU COOLER: NOCTUA NH-D15  |  GPU: EVGA GTX 770 SC |

PSU: CORSAIR AX860 W/ RED BRAIDED CABLES | SSD: SAMSUNG 840 EVO 250 GB | HDD: WD BLACK 1 TB | FANS: 3x NOCTUA NF-A14 | MONITOR: HP W2371D

KEYBOARD: CM STORM QFR MX BLUES W/  PBT KEYCAPS  |  MOUSE: LOGITECH G502 | MIC: AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020 | HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER HD 558

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I did a similar thread a while ago though I think it's dead now called 'Funny Thread' not to be confused with 'Furry Thread', I wasn't thinking straight when coming up with a title.

 

Anyway that is bad but good at the same time :)

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This is pretty ridiculous but it makes me laugh:

-Hey girl, is your name Medusa?
 ... Cause when i look at you i get hard like a stone.

Hey there. You are looking mighty fine today, have my virtual cookie!  :ph34r:

MY RIG: http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/34911-my-setup-gold-ghetto-gg-lots-of-pictures/#entry446883

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I dunno if I would consider this my best joke, but here it goes....

 

When a cop pulls over a U-haul, he's trying to bust a move. :3

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This is pretty ridiculous but it makes me laugh:

-Hey girl, is your name Medusa?

 ... Cause when i look at you i get hard like a stone.

 

rofl that is pretty bad but made me giggle

DESKTOP - Motherboard - Gigabyte GA-Z77X-D3H Processor - Intel Core i5-2500K @ Stock 1.135v Cooling - Cooler Master Hyper TX3 RAM - Kingston Hyper-X Fury White 4x4GB DDR3-1866 Graphics Card - MSI GeForce GTX 780 Lightning PSU - Seasonic M12II EVO Edition 850w  HDD -  WD Caviar  Blue 500GB (Boot Drive)  /  WD Scorpio Black 750GB (Games Storage) / WD Green 2TB (Main Storage) Case - Cooler Master 335U Elite OS - Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate

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Thanks for the jokes so far guys<3.  Keep them coming please  :lol:!

CASE: FRACTAL DESIGN DEFINE R4  |  MOBO: MSI MPOWER Z77  |  CPU: Intel i5 3570k @ 4.4 GHz  |  CPU COOLER: NOCTUA NH-D15  |  GPU: EVGA GTX 770 SC |

PSU: CORSAIR AX860 W/ RED BRAIDED CABLES | SSD: SAMSUNG 840 EVO 250 GB | HDD: WD BLACK 1 TB | FANS: 3x NOCTUA NF-A14 | MONITOR: HP W2371D

KEYBOARD: CM STORM QFR MX BLUES W/  PBT KEYCAPS  |  MOUSE: LOGITECH G502 | MIC: AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020 | HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER HD 558

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EA.

PC Builder, Engineer... BACON    Project Cobalt: http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/38058-project-cobalt-copper-piping-laser-etching-and-more/#entry489258

| NZXT Switch 810 | i5-3570k | gigabyte UD-5H | Corsair Vengeance 8gb ram | GTX 670 | 2x 60gb intel 330 series ssd's in raid 0 | 1tb seagate barracuda hdd | Corsair tx750m | XSPC razor GPU and CPU waterblocks | XSPC d5 vario pump | Thermochill Pa140.3 | phoyba 280mm radiator | Chromed Copper tubing |

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I can't think of any, all of the ones I have are kind of adult based and I don't think the moderators would appreciate me sharing them here lol

DESKTOP - Motherboard - Gigabyte GA-Z77X-D3H Processor - Intel Core i5-2500K @ Stock 1.135v Cooling - Cooler Master Hyper TX3 RAM - Kingston Hyper-X Fury White 4x4GB DDR3-1866 Graphics Card - MSI GeForce GTX 780 Lightning PSU - Seasonic M12II EVO Edition 850w  HDD -  WD Caviar  Blue 500GB (Boot Drive)  /  WD Scorpio Black 750GB (Games Storage) / WD Green 2TB (Main Storage) Case - Cooler Master 335U Elite OS - Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate

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Three guys crash on an island and survive. They soon realize that the island is inhabited by cannibals and they are soon caught. The chief of the cannibals tell them that they will be given a chance to live but first they must go into the jungle and bring back three pieces of the a fruit.

The three guys run off.

The first guy returns and he's holding three apples. The chief tells him that they will shove each fruit up his butt and if his expression changes or he reacts to it in any way he will be killed. They shove the first apple up and he winces in pain and so his head was chopped off.

The second guy arrives andhes holding three grapes. The chief tells him the same thing as the first guy. One grape goes up and he's fine, the second grape goes up fine but with the third he starts laughing.

The first two guys meet in heaven and the first guy approaches the second guy and asks "what happened man? You had grapes and you were so close" and guy two responds with "yeah but I saw the last guy coming and he was carrying pineapples"

Yeah kind of a crappy story but it's the best I had

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I also have some more adult ones, but also some racist ones ( im not a racist but if you have an open mind some are hilarious ) Not gonna post them here though cause yeah.. lol

Hey there. You are looking mighty fine today, have my virtual cookie!  :ph34r:

MY RIG: http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/34911-my-setup-gold-ghetto-gg-lots-of-pictures/#entry446883

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boy: hey gril. did you fall straight out of heaven?

girl: yes , why?

boy: because your face looks pretty mest up

msi z97m gaming - i5 4690k @4.4ghz 1.2V - corsair h110 - powercolor r9 290x pcs+ - 8GB corsair vengeance dual channel @2133mhz - thermaltake smart power se 730watts - intel 530 series 240GB ssd - seagate 1tb 7200rpm - corsiar obsidian 350D - 2x enermax tb silence 140mm - logitech x-530 - sony mdr xb600 - medion 24'' 1080P - cm storm quickfire tk white edition with cherry mx red - cheap but awesome mouse #GloriousPaintMasterRace

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what has 8 arms and 8 legs?

 

8 pirates!

 

Do you mean 4 or don't I get the joke?

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EA.

Linus and Slick would approve of this joke 

CASE: FRACTAL DESIGN DEFINE R4  |  MOBO: MSI MPOWER Z77  |  CPU: Intel i5 3570k @ 4.4 GHz  |  CPU COOLER: NOCTUA NH-D15  |  GPU: EVGA GTX 770 SC |

PSU: CORSAIR AX860 W/ RED BRAIDED CABLES | SSD: SAMSUNG 840 EVO 250 GB | HDD: WD BLACK 1 TB | FANS: 3x NOCTUA NF-A14 | MONITOR: HP W2371D

KEYBOARD: CM STORM QFR MX BLUES W/  PBT KEYCAPS  |  MOUSE: LOGITECH G502 | MIC: AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020 | HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER HD 558

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My best jokes are probably to raunchy, dark and NSFW for this forum, so I will not be telling any of those. That said here is a joke:

 

Most people say: If it ain't broken, don't fix it.

 

Engineers believe that if it ain't broken, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

Nova doctrina terribilis sit perdere

Audio format guides: Vinyl records | Cassette tapes

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Engineers believe that if it ain't broken, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

 

I like it, and so true :)

DESKTOP - Motherboard - Gigabyte GA-Z77X-D3H Processor - Intel Core i5-2500K @ Stock 1.135v Cooling - Cooler Master Hyper TX3 RAM - Kingston Hyper-X Fury White 4x4GB DDR3-1866 Graphics Card - MSI GeForce GTX 780 Lightning PSU - Seasonic M12II EVO Edition 850w  HDD -  WD Caviar  Blue 500GB (Boot Drive)  /  WD Scorpio Black 750GB (Games Storage) / WD Green 2TB (Main Storage) Case - Cooler Master 335U Elite OS - Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate

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Three guys crash on an island and survive. They soon realize that the island is inhabited by cannibals and they are soon caught. The chief of the cannibals tell them that they will be given a chance to live but first they must go into the jungle and bring back three pieces of the a fruit.

The three guys run off.

The first guy returns and he's holding three apples. The chief tells him that they will shove each fruit up his butt and if his expression changes or he reacts to it in any way he will be killed. They shove the first apple up and he winces in pain and so his head was chopped off.

The second guy arrives andhes holding three grapes. The chief tells him the same thing as the first guy. One grape goes up and he's fine, the second grape goes up fine but with the third he starts laughing.

The first two guys meet in heaven and the first guy approaches the second guy and asks "what happened man? You had grapes and you were so close" and guy two responds with "yeah but I saw the last guy coming and he was carrying pineapples"

Yeah kind of a crappy story but it's the best I had

I know this joke! It's so funny.

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Do you mean 4 or don't I get the joke?

Pirates have missing legs and hands...

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Do you mean 4 or don't I get the joke?

He means that every pirate just has one arm and one leg because the wooden arm and leg (almost every pirate has them) don't count.

Intel i7-870  //  MSI GTX 670 PE       ///       Intel i7-4500U  //  GT720M

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Pirates have missing legs and hands...

 

Pirates of the Caribbean, why have you let me down again

 

Most of the pirates in that movie were pretty bloody mobile lol

DESKTOP - Motherboard - Gigabyte GA-Z77X-D3H Processor - Intel Core i5-2500K @ Stock 1.135v Cooling - Cooler Master Hyper TX3 RAM - Kingston Hyper-X Fury White 4x4GB DDR3-1866 Graphics Card - MSI GeForce GTX 780 Lightning PSU - Seasonic M12II EVO Edition 850w  HDD -  WD Caviar  Blue 500GB (Boot Drive)  /  WD Scorpio Black 750GB (Games Storage) / WD Green 2TB (Main Storage) Case - Cooler Master 335U Elite OS - Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate

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Thanks for the jokes, they are greatly appreciated.  Thank you for making my day!  Keep them coming if you have any more :).   

CASE: FRACTAL DESIGN DEFINE R4  |  MOBO: MSI MPOWER Z77  |  CPU: Intel i5 3570k @ 4.4 GHz  |  CPU COOLER: NOCTUA NH-D15  |  GPU: EVGA GTX 770 SC |

PSU: CORSAIR AX860 W/ RED BRAIDED CABLES | SSD: SAMSUNG 840 EVO 250 GB | HDD: WD BLACK 1 TB | FANS: 3x NOCTUA NF-A14 | MONITOR: HP W2371D

KEYBOARD: CM STORM QFR MX BLUES W/  PBT KEYCAPS  |  MOUSE: LOGITECH G502 | MIC: AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020 | HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER HD 558

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Unfortunately I only know jokes that are way too "adult". Or too racist

I am good at computer

Spoiler

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Unfortunately I only know jokes that are way too "adult". Or too racist

Unfortunately, a lot of people are on the same boat as you. 

CASE: FRACTAL DESIGN DEFINE R4  |  MOBO: MSI MPOWER Z77  |  CPU: Intel i5 3570k @ 4.4 GHz  |  CPU COOLER: NOCTUA NH-D15  |  GPU: EVGA GTX 770 SC |

PSU: CORSAIR AX860 W/ RED BRAIDED CABLES | SSD: SAMSUNG 840 EVO 250 GB | HDD: WD BLACK 1 TB | FANS: 3x NOCTUA NF-A14 | MONITOR: HP W2371D

KEYBOARD: CM STORM QFR MX BLUES W/  PBT KEYCAPS  |  MOUSE: LOGITECH G502 | MIC: AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020 | HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER HD 558

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I'm Batman

He is the hero this forum deserves but not the one it needs right now.So we'll hunt him because he can take it because he is not our hero he is a silent guardian 


a watchful protector A Dark Knight

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I'm Batman

 

*collapses on the floor in a fit of laughter*

DESKTOP - Motherboard - Gigabyte GA-Z77X-D3H Processor - Intel Core i5-2500K @ Stock 1.135v Cooling - Cooler Master Hyper TX3 RAM - Kingston Hyper-X Fury White 4x4GB DDR3-1866 Graphics Card - MSI GeForce GTX 780 Lightning PSU - Seasonic M12II EVO Edition 850w  HDD -  WD Caviar  Blue 500GB (Boot Drive)  /  WD Scorpio Black 750GB (Games Storage) / WD Green 2TB (Main Storage) Case - Cooler Master 335U Elite OS - Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate

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