Advice is much needed

[MorganO]

Right a little back story 

I met this girl who is wonderful a while back and now we are dating, she told me she is pregnant(10 weeks) she tells me I can leave, or stay and I don't have to contribute financially to the baby, and the real father doesn't want anything to do with it, moving on, she's 22 I'm 18 (ideal about the age gap) anyway I'm going to my friends land party so I'll be away for a couple days, so I was planning on telling my dad (I live with him) whilst I was away.

 

I would of basically said I'm seeing someone,she's 22, she's pregnant but not mine blah blah, if I'm not at home when you are, I'm probably at hers(she owns her own house)

 

Would this be the best way to do it?

 

 

The baby is due in October 

[Teddy07]

My advice to men who date women with kids:

Run away as fast as possible because you will always be the number two and the kid number one. You will basically be "handicapped" because of the kid as you can not do many things together. Someone has to take care of the kid.

 

I mean you are young so relationships won't hold forever anyways. There is no way I would date her.

[MorganO]

57 minutes ago, Teddy07 said:

My advice to men who date women with kids:

Run away as fast as possible because you will always be the number two and the kid number one. You will basically be "handicapped" because of the kid as you can not do many things together. Someone has to take care of the kid.

 

I mean you are young so relationships won't hold forever anyways. There is no way I would date her.

this inst what i was asking, this is irrelevant.

 

and i started dating her before she knew she was pregnant, she gave me the option top leave and i said no. 

 

tbh shes really nice and i like her alot and we get along well so im not going to leave.

[Teddy07]

9 minutes ago, KOMTechAndGaming said:

this inst what i was asking, this is irrelevant

1

Sorry, my bad. I didn´t quite get the message. English as a second language can be tricky sometimes

[MorganO]

Just now, Teddy07 said:

Sorry, my bad. I didn´t quite get the message. English as a second language can be tricky sometimes

its ok, i was just wondering when i tell my dad do i rip the band-aid of or do it gently ?

[AshleyAshes]

5 hours ago, Teddy07 said:

you will always be the number two and the kid number one.

Parents putting child first!?  Thats disgusting!  There should be prisons for children!

[Syphno]

So wait, She's 10 weeks pregnant with somebody eles child? 1st off you are 18 and very young you don't need that kind of baggage right now. 2nd dude the child is not yours and this young lady needs to figure things out for herself (keep the child/abortion) sounds to me like you could be a fresh rebound man, don't be a dick offer to be friends and move on with your life

[Teddy07]

28 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

Parents putting child first!?  Thats disgusting!  There should be prisons for children!

I am saying it from the perspective of a boyfriend. If I am with women then I want to be the number one and nothing something else.

 

Sorry if that sounds egoistic to you but that is the reality for most men. If that is not the case, then bye bye.

[captain_to_fire]

7 hours ago, KOMTechAndGaming said:

I met this girl who is wonderful a while back and now we are dating, she told me she is pregnant(10 weeks) she tells me I can leave, or stay and I don't have to contribute financially to the baby, and the real father doesn't want anything to do with it, moving on, she's 22 I'm 18 (ideal about the age gap) anyway I'm going to my friends land party so I'll be away for a couple days, so I was planning on telling my dad (I live with him) whilst I was away.

 

I want to ask, do you two engage in sex and if ues, when is the last time you two had sex?

[MorganO]

27 minutes ago, hey_yo_ said:

I want to ask, do you two engage in sex and if ues, when is the last time you two had sex?

yesterday.

there's no way its mine.

 

 

 

 

 

to other people

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------to the poeple saying leave, run etc.

i am not bothered that the child would not be mine

the childs biological father wants nothing to do with the child

and yes im young.

im happy being with her so thats all that matters to me

me and my dad arent close, he was rarely around, and tbh its a bit shit that later on in life it affects the relationship

im more than happy to assume the father role.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what i was asking was do i just rip the band aid off and tell my dad, 

 

[dalekphalm]

Why wouldn't you tell your dad? You're not the father anyway, so what does it matter to him one way or another? It's not like you're getting married to the girl anyway. If it works out, great! If not, well, you can break up.

 

Personally, I would ask her permission to tell him. Many women don't want to tell anyone they're pregnant until later into the pregnancy for various reasons. It's her baby, not yours.

 

With that in mind, if she's okay with you telling your dad, just do it.

[captain_to_fire]

8 minutes ago, KOMTechAndGaming said:

me and my dad arent close, he was rarely around, and tbh its a bit shit that later on in life it affects the relationship

im more than happy to assume the father role.

Being a parent is quite the tall order. Once you got into it, there's no turning back especially to a child that's not yours. I hope you have a job to sustain the baby's needs. Just a reminder, unless you two are married, you have no legal responsibilities with her and the child.

 

[dalekphalm]

3 minutes ago, hey_yo_ said:

Being a parent is quite the tall order. Once you got into it, there's no turning back especially to a child that's not yours. I hope you have a job to sustain the baby's needs. Just a reminder, unless you two are married, you have no legal responsibilities with her and the child.

 

You also have to remember, that unless they're married (esp. since the child isn't his), he has no obligation to provide financially for the child, or even be the "father figure". They just started dating. The mother of the child will decide what kind of role the OP can have (if he wants said role), at her own pace. Being a single mother, while difficult, is doable. And many of them would prefer to continue to be a "single mother" while dating, until the relationship gets serious enough where she can actually decide "yes, this is the right decision" to allow the Boyfriend to assume the father role.

[MorganO]

38 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

Why wouldn't you tell your dad? You're not the father anyway, so what does it matter to him one way or another? It's not like you're getting married to the girl anyway. If it works out, great! If not, well, you can break up.

 

Personally, I would ask her permission to tell him. Many women don't want to tell anyone they're pregnant until later into the pregnancy for various reasons. It's her baby, not yours.

 

With that in mind, if she's okay with you telling your dad, just do it.

I mean as tell him I have a girlfriend (I'm incredibly not open about things)

[Misanthrope]

9 hours ago, Teddy07 said:

My advice to men who date women with kids:

Run away as fast as possible because you will always be the number two and the kid number one. You will basically be "handicapped" because of the kid as you can not do many things together. Someone has to take care of the kid.

 

I mean you are young so relationships won't hold forever anyways. There is no way I would date her.

Possibly the worst advise I've seen.

 

OP you seem to be fairly young to commit yourself to basically have a family so you should just tell her you'd like to continue just dating and see how things go. She probably expects just this from you and probably doesn't wants you to immediately commit to a serious relationship and such so just talk about what you both want and see if it's viable to continue.

[dalekphalm]

9 minutes ago, KOMTechAndGaming said:

I mean as tell him I have a girlfriend (I'm incredibly not open about things)

What? You're 18. Just be like "Hey Dad, I have a girlfriend now." Or if she ever comes over, just be like "Hey this is my GF <insert name here>".

 

Anyway, if that's all this is about, then you're overthinking it.

 

4 minutes ago, Misanthrope said:

Possibly the worst advise I've seen.

 

OP you seem to be fairly young to commit yourself to basically have a family so you should just tell her you'd like to continue just dating and see how things go. She probably expects just this from you and probably doesn't wants you to immediately commit to a serious relationship and such so just talk about what you both want and see if it's viable to continue.

Agreed. She probably DOESN'T want the OP to "be the father" yet anyway, since they've only been dating for a short time. She doesn't know how he'll be around kids, or even how serious the relationship is yet.

 

People make too big a deal out of this and also overthinking it. It would be no different then starting to date a single women who has a 6 month old baby - you don't just be like "Hey now that I'm your BF, I'm the father figure and I'll support the baby... whether you want it or not!"

 

When you start dating a single mother with a young baby, you're still just starting to date a woman. Her personal situation should not change this.

[MorganO]

30 minutes ago, Misanthrope said:

Possibly the worst advise I've seen.

 

OP you seem to be fairly young to commit yourself to basically have a family so you should just tell her you'd like to continue just dating and see how things go. She probably expects just this from you and probably doesn't wants you to immediately commit to a serious relationship and such so just talk about what you both want and see if it's viable to continue.

She's said pretty much I have no obligation to the baby and that we could still date even if I didn't want to 'father' said child.

I know I'm young but so what?

Tbh in all honesty, I just wanna settle down with someone, have a family and things, I'm not onto partying and all that shenanigans, so I guess this is what I want, albeit certain aspects are happening sooner rather than Later,

We've been to together for a while, we've spoken about A. My obligations to her and said child B. Me moving in with her although we still need to talk about it more C. Go on holiday together as a couple before the baby is born.

She has her own place that she bought 

[MorganO]

28 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

What? You're 18. Just be like "Hey Dad, I have a girlfriend now." Or if she ever comes over, just be like "Hey this is my GF <insert name here>".

 

Anyway, if that's all this is about, then you're overthinking it.

Telling him I have a gf isn't the hard but, how do I like bring up the fact oh hey yeah she's pregnant but it's not mine part

[dalekphalm]

13 minutes ago, KOMTechAndGaming said:

Telling him I have a gf isn't the hard but, how do I like bring up the fact oh hey yeah she's pregnant but it's not mine part

Well, as I said, first - that question is your GF's to answer - not yours. Assuming she gives you consent to tell him, then just tell him.

 

Something simple like "I recently starting dating a new girl - she was already pregnant when we started dating, and the father of the child isn't in the picture. It's not serious between us yet, but I'm just giving you a heads up".

 

That way you're not asking for his permission, but you're still keeping him somewhat in the loop.

 

Or don't tell him at all, if he's an asshole to you, and not a close part of your life - but that's a decision only you can make.

[Teddy07]

Just tell your dad if you want to. It is not a big deal nowadays.

 

I think you are doing a big mistake but I assume you will know it pretty fast in October. You have no obligation to pay or stay with her anyways.

[Radiant]

i dont really know what to say, but what i can say growing up without a father is a real pain. mine died when i was 9, havent had a male person in the family since then (exept my brothers) and it really is hard to grow up with only 1 parent, espicially with the parent the other sexuality.

[Yoinkerman]

Nah I'm with run away dude.

 

Run away.

[MorganO]

41 minutes ago, Yoinkerman said:

Nah I'm with run away dude.

 

Run away.

Yeah no that's not gonna happen