i kinda fixed it, went and got a gigabyte x570 Aorus Elite Wifi! actually worked on first try! This mb had Wayyy fewer issues, actually none that i can think of.
It even booted from the m.2 drive i had setup on the tuf gaming mb.
I want to note that on the tuf gaming x570-plus wifi i had a few issues
- hard issue installing Windows. Loading it worked, but then it sayd i had to reinstall (i had to load wifi drivers???!?! before/during the install of windows). Apparently thats critical and was missing
- b ram slots didnt work. tried rebuilding cpu, easing off heatsink, updating bios, lowering timing. maybe its something i did to it?
- updating bios wouldnt work except through the internet, including trying name changes (maybe i didn't capitalize?)