Linus Sebastion, Mr. Evil of the internet, or Benevolent Blogger?

[Zodiark1593]

Linus Sebastion, Mr. Evil of the internet, or Benevolent Blogger?

 

Part 1: The Nvidia Buyout.

 

Written by: Zodiark1593

 12/18/16

       Internet Media Mogul, and verified vice president of the Passive Aggressive Society of Canada; Linus Sebastion, has been investigated over (proud) disclosure of questionable business practices, including but not limited to slave abuse, wage violations, and smuggling of illegal alien species on his Wan Show live streams, of which he is the self-proclaimed host. In my multi-part documentary, I will cover all of the controversial, satanic, intriguing, and mildly disturbing happenings within the future mega-corporation that is the Linus Media Group, starting with one incident that threatened to change the face of the world.

 

 

Among these controversies, it has been publicized on April 1, 2016 that Linus Media Group has been bought out by the empirical GPU vendor, Nvidia. Negotiations for the buyout concluded three days prior. As part of the buy-out contract, the name of the company will be changed to Nvidia Media Group, effective immediately, and Nvidia will provide all clothing, swag and décor to NMG and staff. The spokesperson of rebel GPU vendor, AMD, commented “Why Linus would choose vomit colored décor over laser red is beyond me.” He then later went to cry in a corner, having seemingly lost hope for humanity. An insider within NMG had also stated that the company's Lamborghini will also reflect the change in color theme.

 

Several days later however, Linus privately announced his defection from Nvidia, citing Nvidia’s excessive use of Puke Green ruining his appetite for his wife’s home cooked meals, resulting in randomly sustained injuries and bruises, and lack of meaningful content in posted videos. It cannot be confirmed at this time whether these injuries are caused by a possibly irate wife, or an unfortunate run-in with angry chainsaw wielding squirrels en-route to work. As the editor-in-chief of a non-existent editorial, I am hoping for the latter. The company’s original name, Linus Media Group has been reinstated, and all décor and clothing provided by their former Nvidia overlords have been subsequently burned in their office incinerator. As quoted by an anonymous Nvidia spokesperson, “We are deeply disappointed that LMG does not approve of Puke Green #6 as the empire’s official color and his choice to split from the empire, and further apologize for any domestic violence incidents that have been caused as a result.” Rebel AMD’s spokesperson was unavailable for further comment, as he was allegedly still crying in the very same corner he was left in.

 

LMG and Nvidia quickly reconciled, and business resumed as though the buyout never happened. Some months later, when inquired about the failed buyout, Nvidia spokesperson responded “We’d hoped to expand our empire through LMG, we’re sad to see the deal fall through, but will look to further avenues to expand our power. As of now, we’re in talks with Bitwit CEO, Kyle, with a proposal for acquisition, however, he is demanding that as part of the negotiation, we change our official color to Hot Pink.” The spokesperson will not comment on whether or not they will take Kyle’s proposition. As for LMG, insider information reveals plans to pursue world domination of their own accord, though as of December of 2016, have only succeeded in conquering Canada.

 

 

In the event that the satirical content of this article eludes you, it must be advised that everything written above is entirely fictitious and does not represent the actual interests nor opinions of any company or persons named above, nor any allegations of misconduct of any of the named companies or persons. The above is written for the express purpose of entertainment only, which if you are reading this disclaimer, you’ve obviously not found humorous and should probably pursue a more trustworthy news source in Facebook instead.

[Himommies]

Is this a fanfic i do not understand the purpose of this

[Himommies]

Just now, wrathoftheturkey said:

it's smut

ah

[Rohime]

1 minute ago, Himommies said:

Is this a fanfic i do not understand the purpose of this

In-jokes galore.   Quite funny actually.

[Zodiark1593]

1 minute ago, Himommies said:

Is this a fanfic i do not understand the purpose of this

There is none. Absolute boredom on a weekend drove me to write stuff. 

[Himommies]

Just now, Zodiark1593 said:

There is none. Absolute boredom on a weekend drove me to write stuff. 

absolute boredom makes me read google+

[Zodiark1593]

6 minutes ago, wrathoftheturkey said:

Didn't even talk about his hatred of the proletariat AMD. Pathetic weakling

LMG doesn't hate AMD. It's simply the latter did not do enough to appease the former. 

[Zodiark1593]

17 minutes ago, wrathoftheturkey said:

(makes satire)

 

(doesn't get sarcasm)

Nvidia gives Linus big bags of money. AMD does not give him bags of money (hence not doing enough to appease him).