Advice please

[PurplDrank]

So I took this girl out on two dates. I had been super interested in her, now i am kind of cautious. I found out the guy that she claims to only be friends with for years is obviously more than friends. I found out from some people that they picked out matching Halloween costumes together, they are going on a trip together, and even went to the movies a few days ago. Not to mention she talks about him constantly. Knowing this I just avoided her all together to try and avoid being involved in a love triangle of some sort. Well now shes like begging for my attention and the other day she kept like trying to compliment me and shit? I was like really? 

 

Is this even worth it? what do you guys think?

[dalekphalm]

8 minutes ago, PurplDrank said:

So I took this girl out on two dates. I had been super interested in her, now i am kind of cautious. I found out the guy that she claims to only be friends with for years is obviously more than friends. I found out from some people that they picked out matching Halloween costumes together, they are going on a trip together, and even went to the movies a few days ago. Not to mention she talks about him constantly. Knowing this I just avoided her all together to try and avoid being involved in a love triangle of some sort. Well now shes like begging for my attention and the other day she kept like trying to compliment me and shit? I was like really? 

 

Is this even worth it? what do you guys think?

Straight up ask her what her relationship is with him. Don't use an "accusatory" tone or anything, just be like "hey I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time with <insert dudes name>, getting matching Halloween costumes, etc - what's up with that?"

 

Also, I hate to ask, but does SHE know that you went on two dates? Did you specifically use the word "date" when asking her? If you said, for example "Hey let's hang out and see a movie", she may just assume that was friends only.

 

I would definitely not be involved with a woman that was seeing another man, even if we're just casual, but that's just me personally. One at a time, in my books

 

But it's hard to say - he might be her best friend, and maybe they've sort of lost touch with the "line" between BFF (Best Friends Forever) and BF (Boyfriend). I could understand pretty much everything except the Halloween costumes. That's definitely a couples thing in my books.

[PurplDrank]

14 minutes ago, PurplDrank said:

So I took this girl out on two dates. I had been super interested in her, now i am kind of cautious. I found out the guy that she claims to only be friends with for years is obviously more than friends. They picked out matching Halloween costumes together, they are going on a trip together, and even went to the movies a few days ago. Knowing this I just avoided her all together to try and avoid being involved in a love triangle of some sort. Well now shes like begging for my attention and the other day she kept like trying to compliment me and shit? I was like really? 

 

Is this even worth it? what do you guys think?

When I've asked to go out I literally ask "Hey want to go on a date this weekend?"

 

The first time we went on a date she brought him and and mentioned they were just friends without even me bringing anything up. Then I started noticing things and asked her myself. She said again they were just friends. I dont believe her though. 

 

Heres the thing, I've heard that they have messed around. So its obviously something more 

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, PurplDrank said:

When I've asked to go out I literally ask "Hey want to go on a date this weekend?"

 

The first time we went on a date she brought him and and mentioned they were just friends without even me bringing anything up. Then I started noticing things and asked her myself. She said again they were just friends. I dont believe her though. 

 

Heres the thing, I've heard that they have messed around. So its obviously something more 

Wait she brought him on the date?

 

That's kind of inappropriate. At best, he'd have been the awkward third wheel. At worst, YOU'RE the awkward third wheel without knowing it. Also, FYI, you quoted yourself, not me

[PurplDrank]

2 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

Wait she brought him on the date?

 

That's kind of inappropriate. At best, he'd have been the awkward third wheel. At worst, YOU'RE the awkward third wheel without knowing it. Also, FYI, you quoted yourself, not me

My bad she brought him up on the date, like she mentioned him. 

[Guest]

You have to make your intentions clear, 2 people can come out of something with totally different views/experiences, she may indeed have seen your 'dates' as a friend-only thing. Stop the procrastination and ask her. Don't don't it in an accusing tone, just ask her casually while talking. You want clarity.

[dalekphalm]

Just now, PurplDrank said:

My bad she brought him up on the date, like she mentioned him. 

Ohhh, okay, that's much less bad

 

Personally, I'd look at it this way.

 

How much do  you fancy her? How's your chemistry? If you hit it off really well, I'd confront her. I would say something like:

 

"Hey, I really like you. I think we have great chemistry together. But I have some reservations about your relationship with <dude>. I cannot move this relationship to the next level without some assurances that he is strictly a friend, and that there isn't anything romantic or intimate between you two"

 

If you're not THAT into her, then simply tell her that you don't feel like things are working, and leave it and her behind.

[PurplDrank]

3 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

Ohhh, okay, that's much less bad

 

Personally, I'd look at it this way.

 

How much do  you fancy her? How's your chemistry? If you hit it off really well, I'd confront her. I would say something like:

 

"Hey, I really like you. I think we have great chemistry together. But I have some reservations about your relationship with <dude>. I cannot move this relationship to the next level without some assurances that he is strictly a friend, and that there isn't anything romantic or intimate between you two"

 

If you're not THAT into her, then simply tell her that you don't feel like things are working, and leave it and her behind.

There was one point where I tried to talk to her about it and she got kind of salty towards me and she said and I quote "do you see a ring on this finger?!". I could tell she was irritated at trying to question what was going on between them 

[dalekphalm]

Just now, PurplDrank said:

There was one point where I tried to talk to her about it and she got kind of salty towards me and she said and I quote "do you see a ring on this finger?!". I could tell she was irritated at trying to question what was going on between them 

That's an interesting comment to make.

 

I'd say it could mean two things:

1. She's not married to you, and therefore she can see whoever the fuck she wants (including both you and him at the same time)

2. She's not married to him, so when she says she's just friends with him, that's what she means

 

Either way, THAT comment would be an immediate "Nope the fuck out of there" deal breaker for me.

 

If you want to be my girlfriend, then we're exclusive. Period. I will give you the same respect.

[PurplDrank]

1 minute ago, dalekphalm said:

That's an interesting comment to make.

 

I'd say it could mean two things:

1. She's not married to you, and therefore she can see whoever the fuck she wants (including both you and him at the same time)

2. She's not married to him, so when she says she's just friends with him, that's what she means

 

Either way, THAT comment would be an immediate "Nope the fuck out of there" deal breaker for me.

 

If you want to be my girlfriend, then we're exclusive. Period. I will give you the same respect.

Yeah im thinking that too. Im trying to decide whether I should just completely ignore the shit out of her or whether she is worth my time to call things off for. 

 

[dalekphalm]

Also, how certain are you, that they actually messed around (I assume this means sexual intimacy, kissing, making out, sex, etc)?

 

Did you hear this from a third party? How much do you trust them? Have you heard this from other people as well? Did they outright say "She fucked him", or did they say "I think they're messing around"?

[dalekphalm]

Just now, PurplDrank said:

Yeah im thinking that too. Im trying to decide whether I should just completely ignore the shit out of her or whether she is worth my time to call things off for. 

 

I'd give her the courtesy of officially ending things, and perhaps give an explanation. I wouldn't personally just stop talking her.

[PurplDrank]

Just now, dalekphalm said:

Also, how certain are you, that they actually messed around (I assume this means sexual intimacy, kissing, making out, sex, etc)?

 

Did you hear this from a third party? How much do you trust them? Have you heard this from other people as well? Did they outright say "She fucked him", or did they say "I think they're messing around"?

I trust them because she tells them everything. Its like a girls gossip group, you know how girls tell other girls interesting things that happen kind of deal 

[PurplDrank]

1 minute ago, dalekphalm said:

I'd give her the courtesy of officially ending things, and perhaps give an explanation. I wouldn't personally just stop talking her.

Too much of a dick move? 

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, PurplDrank said:

Too much of a dick move? 

For me - but I can't tell you what's appropriate for your actions, nor what your personality would normally do.

 

I wouldn't judge you if you took the dick move way out

[PurplDrank]

Just now, dalekphalm said:

For me - but I can't tell you what's appropriate for your actions, nor what your personality would normally do.

 

I wouldn't judge you if you took the dick move way out

Heres my thing. If she gave me the time of day and was honest with me and I didnt feel chemistry. Then I would give her respect and tell her and call it off. I feel like this chick led me on so I dont think she deserves my attention at all. 

[dalekphalm]

13 minutes ago, PurplDrank said:

Heres my thing. If she gave me the time of day and was honest with me and I didnt feel chemistry. Then I would give her respect and tell her and call it off. I feel like this chick led me on so I dont think she deserves my attention at all. 

Well, there you go