Apple: "Competitive Hardware is Not Profitable"

[Atmos]

Original Source: The Wall Street Journal : https://www.wjs.com/article/Apple&7f-Releasing-Competitive-Hardware-is-Not-Profitable-19567265

 

Quote

In a shocking interview with Apple CEO, Tim Cook, a series of what many are calling "inflammatory comments were made."  -Corrie Dreibusch, Wall Street Journal

 

I won't lie, I almost choked up when I read this the first time. As a die-hard apple fan, I cannot believe their valiant czar say anything like this...

 

Quote

In an unnaturally natural bout of banter, the current Apple CEO Tim Cook let slip what many are calling, a closely held company secret: Our reporter Corrie Dribblecouch was there to catch the whole thing on audio.

 

-Audio available at Original source-

[Corrie Dreibusche (Reporter)]   ...now Mr. Cook, our online users have made it overly clear that they believe that apple, simply does not ship out competitive hardware in your products. What are your views on this often harsh stereotype?

[Cook]   Well, first off let me say that I believe apple only sells the finest and most refined and innovated products. However, do you know how much money we have? I mean seriously, have you read into our holdings? To be frank, we're loaded; We have so much money in the bank. How do you think we can afford to harass smaller companies and patent troll samsung? If we sold hardware at a competitive price... frankly, we'd be bankrupt!

[Corrie Dreibusch (Reporter)]   That's a bold statement, could you elaborate?

[Cook]   [I am] not really sure what's so hard to understand. We take several year old hardware from the pc market, and mark it up more than twice its current retail, then call it "innovative" or "unprecedented," what's so complex about that? As if that wasn't bad enough, we design all of our desktops and laptops to thermal throttle so severely that it will often times shorten the lifespan of the device, only meaning that, that customer comes back and buys a new one faster. It's almost like we're a giant fraud of a company, basing almost our entire manufacturing and assembly line off of child-labor in China! None of those [hipsters] who buy our products care though, they just want the latest, and most aluminum device they can get their hands on. As far as [our fanbase] is concerned, we could put our apple logo on literal dog shit, and they'll buy it. In fact, that's exactly what we're doing with the mac pro! We had one of our brightest engineers at the time sifting through a google server's wastebin, when he found almost all the components he needed for a computer. In a flash of brilliance, he just took the wastebin, flipped it upside-down and WAZAM! New Mac pro, and the hardware choice was even easier, it already had all the hardware we need, perfectly out-dated. 

[Corrie Dreibusch (Reporter)]   So, what you're saying... Is that Apple sells old hardware, at a premium price, designed to die early and force people to buy newer, sooner?

[Cook]   That is exactly what I am saying. Selling competitive hardware against pc's is just not profitable enough to fund our patent trolling campaigns.

 

If you've read this far, you're probably thinking exactly what I am;

Wow, Apple, how could you keep us in the dark!

But fret not, I'm almost certain this was some sort of cruel prank played on us loyal apple sheep. They'd never do anything to sully their relationship with the sheeple, right? ... Right?

[killcomic]

1 hour ago, Atmos said:

Original Source: The Wall Street Journal : https://www.wjs.com/article/Apple&7f-Releasing-Competitive-Hardware-is-Not-Profitable-19567265

 

Dat URL.

 

Too bad you can't mask it when you put your pointer over it, otherwise the ruse would have been complete.

Still, I think this "article" is pretty spot on.

[FruitBasketSilex]

TBH that's pretty much apple for you. Just Tim Cook won't say it.

 

Was getting really happy about Apple about to come under fire hardcore before I realized the ruse.

[Guest]

Locked.