Newbuild Nightmare....
Thanks for the advice, everyone! Ultimately, it turned out to be two separate issues.
After re-examining the system, I noticed that the Patriot M.2 SSD had a metal sticker serving as a heat sink, and the end of it was actually touching the exposed PCB, which I think may have also been shorting something. The GPU artifacting stopped as soon as I removed it. So, yay! I then reconnected everything and ensured the contacts were clean and all that, and I now have a current BIOS.
The page fault BSODs continued intermittently; it turns out the Patriot Viper RAM kit was no bueno. It initially passed when I ran memtest in Windows, which is why I dismissed it. For giggles, I ran the bootable version and tested it at its rated speed of 6000, as well as at 5400 and 4800, and it consistently produced errors on the first pass.
TLDR: Use the bootable version of memtest & always check for potential shorts

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