Proof reading help!

[FLAMMABLEGAS17481]

I always get to this point in writing pieces where i cant find anything wrong with my work but when someone reads they will pick things up, and currently i have noone to help me proofread so can some please help me out.

 

Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.

Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.

 

 

Anti german sentiment camps is my topic

 

 

 

MAKNAT

WORLD WAR 1 – step in the shoes of…… Assessment task

Oral presentation

,

Good morning/Afternoon members of the world / ladies and gentleman / esteemed guests

I'd like to start by introducing myself. My name is Paul Dubotzkia, I am a photographer and have many galleries and collections but my most popular is the internment collection. In 1914 I Was in German New Guinea when war took me by surprise, I evaded being taken as a prisoner and made it to Adelaide Australia. In 1915 I was arrested as an “enemy alien” and was interned in the South Australian internment camp at Torrens Island before being transferred to the camps at Holsworthy and Trial Bay Gaol (jail) in New South Wales.

I shall speak about the anti-German sentiment camps.

The internment camp at Torrens Island was horrible, with appalling conditions and abuse committed by the Australians guards, I took pictures of all of it and I was told that they were used as evidence in official protests and a Defense Department inquiry. Soon after I was transferred to the main concentration camp at Holsworthy, conditions there were better but nothing for the cost of freedom. A few months later I was transferred again to the Trial Bay camp, the privileged camp on the New South Wales north coast. My time at trial bay was one of intense creativity where I not only worked on my photography, but also discovered a talent and interest for art and acting.

 

I left Trial Bay when it was closed in 1918 and spent the remainder of the war at Holsworthy and did some research with the privileges I had. There were anti-German camps all over the world, Over 7000 thousand Germans in Australia were in camps and the reason why you ask? To prevent us from joining the army to help Germany in the war. Most Germans came to Australia escaping the rising nationalist sentiment in Germany but now they think we are spies, enemy aliens. We weren’t the only ones Women and children of German and Austrian descent were detained by the British and interned at Molonglo.

 

The government closed down German schools and churches, they banned German music and the foods that Australia adopted was getting its name changed. Towns, creeks and other places were getting new names, Blumberg became Birdwood & German Creek became Empire Bay. They were erasing our share of culture from their country.

 

The conditions in other camps had put it fair share of fatigue on German men, it was tough on the men due to the camps only being populated by men, which caused psychological problems for some men including depression and Anxiety disorders. On the outside many Germans lost their jobs and businesses shortly after war was declared on Australia, and many German men volunteered to be placed in the camps so that their wives’ and children could survive on a government allowance.

 

I took pictures of all my experiences and events, and with some help the internee collection contains over 1200 photographs, the collection includes theatre programs, cartoons, camp newspapers, membership cards, cameras, tripods, glass plate negatives, postcards, handmade boxes. Then in 1919 I was repatriated to Germany and said goodbye to Trial Bay Jail, Berrima Gaol and Holsworthy Army Barracks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks in advance to anyone who helps.

 

[improbablepants]

You attached said file where..?

[vorticalbox]

I always get to this point in writing pieces where i cant find anything wrong with my work but when someone reads they will pick things up, and currently i have noone to help me proofread so can some please help me out. ive attached my piece and the instructions on what i have to do. Thanks in advance to anyone who helps. (oh and its a oral presentation) (just a tip, write notes in the comment section as thats the best way to communicate.)

 

 

You attached said file where..?

Google docs would be nice as we can then add comments to it without changing anything.

[FLAMMABLEGAS17481]

sorry adding docs link..

 

 

edited it but am adding docs link

[FLAMMABLEGAS17481]

 

I always get to this point in writing pieces where i cant find anything wrong with my work but when someone reads they will pick things up, and currently i have noone to help me proofread so can some please help me out.

 

Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.

Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.Your task is to produce an oral presentation with a partner demonstrating your understanding of Australia’s involvement in WWI. It is expected that this will be approximately 3 minutes in length.

You need to take on the role of ‘someone’ who was a part of Australia’s WWI experience and inform the audience about the life of this particular individual or group of people within society during 1914-1918.

 

 

Anti german sentiment camps is my topic

 

 

 

MAKNAT

WORLD WAR 1 – step in the shoes of…… Assessment task

Oral presentation

,

Good morning/Afternoon members of the world / ladies and gentleman / esteemed guests

I'd like to start by introducing myself. My name is Paul Dubotzkia, I am a photographer and have many galleries and collections but my most popular is the internment collection. In 1914 I Was in German New Guinea when war took me by surprise, I evaded being taken as a prisoner and made it to Adelaide Australia. In 1915 I was arrested as an “enemy alien” and was interned in the South Australian internment camp at Torrens Island before being transferred to the camps at Holsworthy and Trial Bay Gaol (jail) in New South Wales.

I shall speak about the anti-German sentiment camps.

The internment camp at Torrens Island was horrible, with appalling conditions and abuse committed by the Australians guards, I took pictures of all of it and I was told that they were used as evidence in official protests and a Defense Department inquiry. Soon after I was transferred to the main concentration camp at Holsworthy, conditions there were better but nothing for the cost of freedom. A few months later I was transferred again to the Trial Bay camp, the privileged camp on the New South Wales north coast. My time at trial bay was one of intense creativity where I not only worked on my photography, but also discovered a talent and interest for art and acting.

 

I left Trial Bay when it was closed in 1918 and spent the remainder of the war at Holsworthy and did some research with the privileges I had. There were anti-German camps all over the world, Over 7000 thousand Germans in Australia were in camps and the reason why you ask? To prevent us from joining the army to help Germany in the war. Most Germans came to Australia escaping the rising nationalist sentiment in Germany but now they think we are spies, enemy aliens. We weren’t the only ones Women and children of German and Austrian descent were detained by the British and interned at Molonglo.

 

The government closed down German schools and churches, they banned German music and the foods that Australia adopted was getting its name changed. Towns, creeks and other places were getting new names, Blumberg became Birdwood & German Creek became Empire Bay. They were erasing our share of culture from their country.

 

The conditions in other camps had put it fair share of fatigue on German men, it was tough on the men due to the camps only being populated by men, which caused psychological problems for some men including depression and Anxiety disorders. On the outside many Germans lost their jobs and businesses shortly after war was declared on Australia, and many German men volunteered to be placed in the camps so that their wives’ and children could survive on a government allowance.

 

I took pictures of all my experiences and events, and with some help the internee collection contains over 1200 photographs, the collection includes theatre programs, cartoons, camp newspapers, membership cards, cameras, tripods, glass plate negatives, postcards, handmade boxes. Then in 1919 I was repatriated to Germany and said goodbye to Trial Bay Jail, Berrima Gaol and Holsworthy Army Barracks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks in advance to anyone who helps.

 

 

 

You attached said file where..?

 

 

Google docs would be nice as we can then add comments to it without changing anything.

 

 

For piece

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1js26OCrVzRHFumXrSKAbJsFSMBa_j2kQBepVlRHrMC4/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

 

and fr inscrtuctions

 

 

look at first post