Regular readers wanted.

[matt12046]

I'm going to drop this here and ask for some feedback from those of you who like reading.  Keep in mind that it is in no way formatted correctly and it's still a little rough but I'm counting on you guys for an honest opinion. Thanks guys!

 

Blood splattered across the rug as the man,

 

formerly the head of House Parscel, fell to the ground. A

 

man dressed in black stood over him, watching as the

 

blood ran across the rug and into the cracks of the

 

wooden floor.

 

“Well now.” The man in black said. “This was

 

probably the easiest part of my entire plan.” He walked

 

over the body that lay in the middle of the room toward

 

the desk where he could relax in a fine leather chair. “It

 

appears that now I am Lord Parscel.”

 

“Wh-” The man on the floor could no longer

 

speak. Instead the only noises he uttered were the

 

death throes of choking on his own blood.

 

“But this is only the beginning.” The new Lord

 

Parscel spoke. He could still hear the violent screaming

 

as his men cleared the rest of the manor. “All is going

 

according to plan.” He picked up a ripe apple from the

 

fruit basket that sat upon the desk, completely

 

unphased by the cries of women and children alike as

 

they were slaughtered in their rooms. “Soon I will head

 

north to capital.” He took a bite and smiled. The juices

 

were sour as they ran down his throat.

 

One of his men entered the room and waited

 

anxiously for his attention.

 

“What news?” Lord Parscel asked as he savored

 

the flavor of the apple. The tartness danced on his

 

tongue.

 

“We've finished clearing the manor, my lord.” The

 

commander reported as he bowed. His golden armor

 

glimmered in the candlelight.

 

“And the rest of the town?” Lord Parscel

 

questioned as he took another bite. He favored the taste

 

of the green apple heavily.

 

“All cleared.” The commander said as he removed

 

his helmet. His hair and beard were a full grey from age,

 

though he was still a capable man.

 

“By morning the bodies must be gone.” Lord

 

Parscel advised. “Also, we need to have everyone

 

replaced by the next nightfall.”

 

“Yes, my lord.” The commander spoke as he

 

began to walk out of the room. He hesitated for a

 

moment and turned to ask, “What if someone returns to

 

the town that used to live here?”

 

“Hmm.” Parscel thought for a moment. He hated

 

being questioned, but the commander had indeed asked

 

something that was worthy of thought. Parscel was also

 

a little disappointed in his foresight, as this was unusual

 

for him to have forgotten something so significant.

 

“After everything is set, bar up the gates.” He schemed.

 

“We'll use the rebellion to the south as an excuse to not

 

let anyone in.” He turned the apple in his hands over

 

and over. “If anyone gets too nosy, we'll simply have

 

them disappear.”

 

“As you say, my lord.” The commander said as he

 

left to make preparations to dispose of the

 

townspeople's bodies.

 

Parscel leaned back in the chair and put his feet

 

on the table. He noticed that the man on the floor had

 

finally stopped breathing sometime during his

 

conversation. The smile on his face grew larger.

 

Everything seemed to be falling into place for him. He

 

reached into a small pouch hung from his belt and pulled

 

out his looking glass. He looked through it after

 

extending it to its maximum length and chuckled. He

 

knew the entire southern region of Terreal was in

 

disarray. Thousands upon thousands of refugees flocked

 

from Aleron across the southern border, hoping to

 

escape the civil war that ravaged their lands.

 

For the next few days Lord Parscel's men carried

 

out their orders to the letter. The bodies were burned in

 

a gully a few leagues from the town, and the new

 

residents were put in place to keep the appearance of

 

normalcy. All this while Lord Parscel began to settle in

 

his new home. It took the servants a few days to

 

remove the bloodstain from the artisan rug that covered

 

the floor in his new office, but he was almost pleased

 

that it was finally gone. He found himself caring only for

 

the appearance of the office. Many of the other rooms in

 

the manor were still covered in blood. Blood from

 

servants, wives and children. The very thought made a

 

grin appear across his face. Their blood painted the path

 

to his success.

 

“My lord.” A voice quivered behind him. He wasn't

 

surprised in the least that men under his command were

 

nervous, almost afraid, around him. This particular man

 

was young and probably could barely be called a man. “I

 

have news from the capital.”

 

“The King's child has been born.” Lord Parscel

 

spoke in a way that expressed ultimate certainty,

 

because it was a certainty that he spoke with. It wasn't

 

something he guessed at, though many could make that

 

assumption given current events and the orders he gave

 

to his scouts in Corvus Rock, but something that he

 

knew as a fact. He knew it because he had seen it. Even

 

as far south as he was, there was nothing that escaped

 

his gaze.

 

“Yes, my lord.” The young man stuttered out.

 

“Leave me, unless you have something else

 

worthwhile to report.” Lord Parscel said angrily.

 

Sometimes his own insight left others at a severe

 

disadvantage. He had killed men for telling him more

 

than this young man had, just because he had already

 

known what they had to say. His time was not to be

 

wasted by repetitive facts and many who tried often met

 

their end. He didn't have the patience for others'

 

shortcomings, but today he was feeling merciful. The

 

young man left the manor still breathing. It was his one

 

good deed for the day, but only because he was in such

 

a good mood. His goal was close at hand. He knew it

 

would be more years from now before he was in position

 

to initiate the final parts of his plan, yet he was still

 

content with how things were moving.

 

“Just a little longer.” He said to himself as he

 

pulled his shoulder length hair into a ponytail. “A little

 

longer and everything will be finished.”

[TheNinjaNextDor]

[Jogostar]

I like it.

[Askew]

Please highlight all of it and change the font colour to 'Automatic'

 

People using dark theme cannot read the text because it is black.

[Jogostar]

Please highlight all of it and change the font colour to 'Automatic'

 

People using dark theme cannot read the text because it is black.

It is pretty easy to read.

[Commander_Z]

thats pretty good actually

 

is there more???

[DIV1D3]

I haven't much time but I'd find it better if you changed the second rug to something else, something more precise. Also for the leather chair I'd rather have "the" instead of "a" with maybe something else after it possibly describing it or the room more. I'll be sure to read on but atm I can't.

[matt12046]

thats pretty good actually

 

is there more???

There is a whole novel in fact but it's still in the works. 

[matt12046]

Please highlight all of it and change the font colour to 'Automatic'

 

People using dark theme cannot read the text because it is black.

Should be fixed now. Thanks for the heads up. 

[Volbet]

I don't exactly know what you want, but I find what I read so far good for a rough draft. Though there are some things:

In line 21 you just write "north to capital" either capitalize the ´C´ so it becomes a city called Capital or write "the capital" as you do later on.

And in line 42-43, you write “What if someone returns to the town that used to live here?”. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It should be something like "What if someone, that used to live in the town, returns?"

 

This is really nitpicking, and I really do like what you have written.

[Askew]

It is pretty easy to read.

 

But it could be better in 4 clicks and a Ctrl+A.

[Askew]

Should be fixed now. Thanks for the heads up. 

 

Thanks