Resseret

Deathadder gets my vote.

I actually do have a story now I'm thinking about it.. Let me sum it up
A coworker of mine (I work at a supermarket) sees himself as a tech fanatic. Once he was talking about a build he wanted to do.
He started talking about getting all top tier Asus ROG stuff, 7970's, H100 (at the time).. All massively overpriced stuff. And.. four 250GB harddrives in a Raid 0.
So I asked him why would you do that? Raid 0 is a stupid raid, just get one big fast drive and a SSD for boot and stuff, much more reliable that way. But he didn't move one bit.
Some time after that we we're having a break and we started talking computer again. I asked him why he wants to go AMD in stead if Nvidia for a GPU. He replied: ''No, Nvidia cards are made by Intel, and I dislike Intel!''. I told him Intel only makes integrated graphics and not discrete ones and that Nvidia and Intel are in no way affiliated, but he wouldn't change his mind.
After that he started talking about coolers. He said he had a H100 once before. ''Yeah, that thing is so nice the temps of my CPU we're lower than the temperature of my room!''
I tried to teach him a small lesson in physics on why that would be entirely impossible, but he kept yammering about.
One time after that he started talking about thermal compound and how he always spreads it over the entire CPU instead of a single blob in the mid. I tried to tell him why that method is shit, to which he replied ''I always do that and I have the lowest temps of all my friends!'' (Obviously made up).
Usually I don't care if people believe things that aren't optimal/true/good in any way, but this guy was so immensely dense it was unbelievable, and a complete tool too. Every word you tried to throw at him just bounced off.

The best one I've experienced is when people call any form of internet "wifi"

I have a non-techie friend who boasts of his "upgraded" computer. He said it's very fast now because he added 3TB of storage.

Back in the 9th grade 2 other buddies of mine and myself started our own school project. Our project was to dismantle a computer, make our own case, and assemble the computer inside the case we built ourselves. For the longest time a friend of mine had been saying that he knows pretty much everything about computers. Turns out he didn't know anything, but i'll get back to that.
I went to a very cheap-ass school, so there were always trouble with the infrastructure there, so as you probably guessed the computers at the school crashed all the time. Also note that all of the computers were "hooked up" for lack of a better term to ONE Server. This was a big school with around 200+ computers all hooked up to this one server. (Recipe for disaster). Since all of the computers were connected to the same server that would mean that if there was one single error on the server, then all of the 200+ computers at my school would simply not work.
These computers all went down the drain atleast twice a week making them completely and utter useless. And everytime the system went down the teachers always asked this friend of mine that thought he knew everything about computers. Let's call him Bob to make it easier to follow. Anyways, The teachers would always have Bob look at the computers, and tell them what was wrong. Ofcourse he didn't know what he was talking about, so he said the following: "Yeah, mhm, okay. Yes it seems that you have gotten a network system error inside the processor, it will be back up in an hour". Yes, that is ACTUALLY what he said, let that sink in for a moment. Oh, I totally forgot; The time he said that it was a "Network system error inside the processor". the teachers were trying to figure out why there was no sound from the speakers. Turns out the audiojack was not plugged in.
Anyways I got really off-track here. My friends and I were assembling the computer into the case that we had built ourselves. When suddenly Bob came by. My friends and I were kind of annoyed at Bob, so we asked him "which one of these components is the motherboard"? I bet anyone here on the forum would be able to point out which component in a computer was the motherboard, right? Bob pointed at the HDD, of course we all laughed, because this was proof that he knows nothing about computers, and was just spewing bullshit all the time. After we all calmed ourselves down, I said: "well surely you know this is the graphics card, right? (I pointed at the CPU). Bob said: "Yes ofcourse, how dumb do you think I am? That's when I almost broke out in tears laughing.

Since that event he stopped claiming he knew everything about computers and was an "IT-Guru". Anyways, my buddies and I delivered in our assignment, and got ourselves an A.
Cheers! ;)

You fix your moms computer and now every time something breaks she assumes you did it
 

I take it your budget is around $1,200.