ill conceived request for advise

[Misanthrope]

So asking strangers is a bad idea, whatever I'm bored anyway.

 

I've got this friend I known her for at least 8 years now but she's basically stucked in an abusive relationship. The guy beats her up and all, cuts her off from the world, the usual. As usual she claims to be breaking it off but she gets talked into another chance over and over and she disappears for days, even weeks at the time since the abuser is obviously typical to the behavior and isolates her.

 

So I'm about done with that fucking shit but I was wondering if I should just quietly break contact or let her know "I'm not gonna stand by your fucking stupidity" and then break off contact.

 

I am almost certain neither option will accomplish anything since she'll just go find another abusive relationship (she has before, just not to the extent of the current dude that gets physical) but I am uncertain if telling her why I am getting the fuck away will accomplish anything. In my experience, people in abusive relationships react very very badly to ultimatums and such and while I care about her she hasn't exactly been an angel and can be quite a shitty person herself so it's definitively not worth it for me to go through greater lengths and be all white knight and shit.

 

But there's still 2 sides of me: one that wants to confront and one that wants to just walk away.

 

What would you do?

[NavyCuda]

The truth isn't very nice.

 

Some people cannot learn and you have to decide at what point the emotional damage of observing her situation is too much for you to bear.  My mother is crazy and emotionally draining.  I love her very much but I cut contact with her about a decade ago because of how much pain she would cause me.

 

So be honest with your friend, observing her in an obviously abusive relationship is too much for you and that as much as you value her as a friend, for your own emotional health you have to cut ties with her.

[Misanthrope]

42 minutes ago, NavyCuda said:

The truth isn't very nice.

 

Some people cannot learn and you have to decide at what point the emotional damage of observing her situation is too much for you to bear.  My mother is crazy and emotionally draining.  I love her very much but I cut contact with her about a decade ago because of how much pain she would cause me.

 

So be honest with your friend, observing her in an obviously abusive relationship is too much for you and that as much as you value her as a friend, for your own emotional health you have to cut ties with her.

Of that (that I should walk away) there is no doubt but I was wondering if it was worth it to let her know why or just disappear silently. 

[NavyCuda]

7 minutes ago, Misanthrope said:

Of that (that I should walk away) there is no doubt but I was wondering if it was worth it to let her know why or just disappear silently. 

Everyone deserves to hear the truth even if they don't listen to it.