Funny Amazon Review

[Faceman]

Here is my most recent Amazon Review for Kettle Corn Flavored Pop Corners:

 

      I have been addicted to Heroin for the past 12 years, and I finally decided that it’s time to get clean.  In order to wean myself off the H, I needed to find a substitute.  PopCorners Kettle Corn Chips were my solution.  These things are so addictive that I had to start buying them on Amazon because I was using so much that purchasing these in-store was financially irresponsible, and I wanted to avoid the disapproving looks of other patrons when I would clean out an entire shelf.

 

      I am happy to report that I am no longer chasing the dragon, but I am sad to say that I am now chasing the Ivory Triangle, which is the "street name" for these babies.  Sometimes I wake up without recollection of the previous night with empty bags strewn around up to my ankles and having soiled myself because these are surprisingly high in fiber. I eat so much that whole pieces of corn can be found in my stool even though I haven't ingested any actual corn. 

 

   My wife left me because I drained our children's college fund trying to support my PopCorners habit.  I'm now back to turning tricks on Craigslist, just like I was when I was riding the horse.  Problem is, my addiction to Popcorners has grown so severe and is much worse than anything I experienced when I was hooked on dope that I am willing to do just about anything to get one more perfect, delicious, crunchy, flaky, and gluten free triangle.

 

     Kettle Corn flavored Popcorners are so delicious, but they have the potential to ruin your life. Picture that graph of all the addictive substances, the one with marijuana near the bottom below caffeine and sugar, and heroin at the top.  A new graph should be made to include these Kettle Corn Pop Corners Chips because they are the most addictive substance I have ever come in contact with.

 

-Faceman

[AlwaysFSX]

I've eaten things where this is true.

[Yummychickenblue]

Dip them in Nutella.