It seems my Mac Pro 3,1 is being picky... It won't touch Windows boot USB's, and every distro of Linux I've tried have failed.

Here's what I've done so far:

Clear Linux: Hangs after selecting boot device in the boot menu. Does not even attempt to boot

Ubuntu 19.04: Does not boot, though does try.

Ubuntu 14.04: Isn't even picked up as bootable

Manjaro: Booting now, appears like it may be hung on 

[OK] Started TLP system startup/shutdown

Ugh... Doesn't help it's also refusing to touch Mojave (DosDude1 Patcher), and the DosDude1 High Sierra patcher isn't playing ball with me.