Nitrouspeed

Short answer: Yes it will fit don't worry.
Expansion slots refer to those tiny metal lips you had to unscrew to put your current GPU in. Almost every case will fit a 3080Ti and below because they use the standard "dual slot" thickness. Some 3rd party cards will be thicker than the FE thickness because they might have bigger coolers requiring the use of a 3rd expansion slot.
Your case has 8 slots.

The point of this thread was to find out if there was a way to maybe touch two magic jumpers or something that would prove the motherboard was broken or not. Based off everyone's response I think there's no way around needing a working X99 board to test.
I honestly trust most people on this forum so I'll keep you in mind but I think I'll do some asking around my school and local area first to try find someone with a working X99.

AFAIK, Northbridges are on the CPU now, so that's where my money is.

If you say they're working then yeah that would be scummy. Just list them as for parts/not working and there's no prob. 
If you mean the IMC then yeah, mem controller is on CPU now, has been since I forget what chips, I think the Core series so 2008-ish. X99 was first gen DDR4 and had a lot of teething issues, Haswell-E IMCs were poor and I don't know if the Broadwell-E ones were markedly better. I haven't really looked into it too much as I haven't gotten into messing with memory yet. 
You'd have to get your hands on a cheap X99 board (honestly even the knockoff chinesium ones would probably work for CPU testing) or else list the combo as for parts/not working. If you're in the continental US and willing to trust a random internet stranger, you could ship the CPU to me and I can test it on my known working boards, and either ship it back or buy it off you (depending on the price, I haven't looked at what these CPUs are worth used since I got my 6950X - from a quick peek at eBay sold listings it looks like $50-130 is the general range) if it works. 

I know I know I know I’m getting to that trust me I don’t feel good about them

is to clip your nails !?

Buy a new impeller. Only way around it unless you have the ability to balance the current one. 

Been a few updates to them
but I don’t have the list of specs for that. But mainly the plastic portion has changed. All d5’s will be the same overall though. Primo didn’t make it.