Do you think my poor friend would take offense if I gifted him a PC?

[Actual_Criminal]

I have an adult friend who is in his late 20's and only a year old than me. I have known him 10+ years FYI. He currently has a family but is unemployed at the moment and has been for a couple of years and just uses any government money for essentials to look after his baby. He barely has any money these days for his favourite game releases. He is a console gamer and wants to get into PC gaming but obviously doesn't have the money (and I can't see circumstances changing any time soon.) He is a semi-hardcore gamer until he ran out of funds.

 

Anyway, I still have some of my old PC parts and could probably buy some of the missing parts and gift him a PC worth around £500-600. (I would probably buy a cheap monitor and KB/M so he doesn't have to pay for anything.)

 

Usually, we don't exchange gifts for birthdays/Christmas etc between us. I only buy gifts for my family really. However, I am thinking of gifting him the old PC. I'm introverted to be honest and bad at reading people and don't want to come across as douche rich (which I have realised I have done sometimes without thinking and can tell people aren't too pleased about it - I'm not rich FYI, just stable job, work a lot and also my name )

 

To the mature adults on here only (25+), if you was in hard times would you find it offensive/belittling if a friend gifted you a basic PC?

 

Any advice would be great.

[minibois]

Everyone would look at this differently, so it would be difficult to say what your friend would do.

Obviously, it's awesome you're considering gifting them this, but indeed they could see this as "pity" or something similar and dislike it. Of course the flip-side could also be the case, they really appreciate the gift.

 

In the past, I've seen people talking about these sorts of 'gift' stories online and sometimes they make up some story about how they got it, so take off some of the edge of the gift.

I.e. if you were to gift someone a PC you could say "I won a giveaway, but already have a PC so I thought you could use it!".

Otherwise I've also heard of people gifting something, but then spinning it as if the gift is actually a present towards yourself "I've really been enjoying <game you play> and wanted someone to do co-op with, so I thought maybe you wanted to join me, so I build this PC from some of the scraps I had leftover"

 

EDIT: by the way, I only mentioned both these, because I've heard them used. I don't think I can recommend the first "giveaway" thing, if it's a lie. The second "leftover part and wanted to game with you" sounds a lot better

 

Honestly, it really depends on how your friend would see the gift and how your relation is.

I think it's difficult to think of how I would react, as I just don't know their situation.

[Satan666]

Whether you care about my opinion or not as I am only 19, I don't see why he would be offended by it, but I could understand him being upset by you spending X amount of money on him. I would go for it man, he'll definitely appreciate it no matter what. I'd imagine the worst he would do is offer you some money for it.

[dilpickle]

Weird flex. Are we supposed to know your friend better than you do?

[Actual_Criminal]

1 minute ago, dilpickle said:

Weird flex. Are we supposed to know your friend better than you do?

Lol, i'm not flexing at all. Most of the programmers on here probably make double what I earn...legitimately. 

 

Also, the question is about "If you were in that scenario." rather than my friend specifically if you read the second last line.

[Actual_Criminal]

6 minutes ago, minibois said:

Everyone would look at this differently, so it would be difficult to say what your friend would do.

Obviously, it's awesome you're considering gifting them this, but indeed they could see this as "pity" or something similar and dislike it. Of course the flip-side could also be the case, they really appreciate the gift.

 

In the past, I've seen people talking about these sorts of 'gift' stories online and sometimes they make up some story about how they got it, so take off some of the edge of the gift.

I.e. if you were to gift someone a PC you could say "I won a giveaway, but already have a PC so I thought you could use it!".

Otherwise I've also heard of people gifting something, but then spinning it as if the gift is actually a present towards yourself "I've really been enjoying <game you play> and wanted someone to do co-op with, so I thought maybe you wanted to join me, so I build this PC from some of the scraps I had leftover"

 

Honestly, it really depends on how your friend would see the gift and how your relation is.

I think it's difficult to think of how I would react, as I just don't know their situation.

Yeah I guess I could do that.

 

Sort of be nonchalant about it and just say it's a spare I had or something I guess. Good idea.

[DigitalGoat]

Simple answer, ask him.

Don't invent stories that could come back to bite you. "I have a spare PC after building a new one, could you make use of it"?

[Giganthrax]

So he's a family man who hasn't worked in years, yet wants to start PC gaming? And you want to enable this deadbeat behavior by gifting him a gaming PC?

 

Absolutely not. Help him find a job instead, or learn a skill that'll help him find one. 

[Actual_Criminal]

6 minutes ago, Giganthrax said:

So he's a family man who hasn't worked in years, yet wants to start PC gaming? And you want to enable this deadbeat behavior by gifting him a gaming PC?

 

Absolutely not. Help him find a job instead, or learn a skill that'll help him find one. 

Oh trust me, I have tried!

 

I don't understand the mindset of people that are comfortable living on unemployment or a dead-end job with no future aspirations. (however, a job is a job and I commend anyone working to survive.) I have managed to get 3 of my other friends into similar careers as well.

 

However, this person doesn't want to get 'into' finance which is the industry I work in. I'm not too sure how else I can help him to be honest. Realistically though, I'm not a miracle worker and just thought I'd help where I can reasonably help. It's the little things in life that make the day more enjoyable. 

[Arika]

4 minutes ago, Giganthrax said:

So he's a family man who hasn't worked in years, yet wants to start PC gaming? And you want to enable this deadbeat behavior by gifting him a gaming PC?

 

Absolutely not. Help him find a job instead, or learn a skill that'll help him find one. 

i agree with this, but just not in the same wording.

 

 

If he's been unemployed for years and is struggling, i think he has bigger issues than not being able to play games on PC.

I would worry less about what he would think, and more about what his wife would think about him now getting a gaming PC.

[Zando_]

10 minutes ago, DigitalGoat said:

Don't invent stories that could come back to bite you. "I have a spare PC after building a new one, could you make use of it"?

^^^ This is probably the best solution, lets them decide and they don't feel like they're obligated to accept/use it.

[Actual_Criminal]

1 minute ago, Arika S said:

i agree with this, but just not in the same wording.

 

 

If he's been unemployed for years and is struggling, i think he has bigger issues than not being able to play games on PC.

I would worry less about what he would think, and more about what his wife would think about him now getting a gaming PC.

This is going off topic, but lets just say his wife is 'the man of the house'. Ever since he met her and had a kid, he blew all of his savings (£10K) on his girlfriend and child and moving in together. He also lost his job because he moved location to be with her. 

[Giganthrax]

1 minute ago, Actual_Criminal said:

Oh trust me, I have tried!

 

I don't understand the mindset of people that are comfortable living on unemployment or a dead-end job with no future aspirations. (however, a job is a job and I commend anyone working to survive.) I have managed to get 3 of my other friends into similar careers as well.

 

However, this person doesn't want to get 'into' finance which is the industry I work in. I'm not too sure how else I can help him to be honest. 

Then don't help him. Getting him a gaming PC is only going to make him play games more and care about work less. This is especially true if he uses games as a way to ignore personal problems that led him to this. 

[Eschew]

Hey there.

35 minutes ago, Actual_Criminal said:

if you was in hard times would you find it offensive/belittling if a friend gifted you a basic PC?

I'd echo @minibois's opinion pretty much 100% - different people will perceive/react to gifts differently, and having the appropriate delivery is key. Morose types might view it as a slight or an attempt to flex, while a more positive-minded friend -- especially one in need or with an interest in tech -- would appreciate the gesture, I feel. Plus, mini's suggestion to play it off as a cooperative deal, rather than a difficult-to-repay philanthropic gesture, is a great idea, actually.

 

Only thing I'd add is that, I'd consider whether your friendo has the means to maintain the PC, and to assess their hm, level of greed?

 

First point is straightforward enough; a similar example/extrapolation would be if you were to gift your friend a new car. Say your friend's grown to rely on the new car. If the car breaks or requires annual maintenance, does your friend have the disposable income to cover those situations?

 

For greed, kinda partly relies on how aware your friend is of the PC parts market and whether they're able to assess the PC config you'll be gifting them. As in, whether they'll be able to tell the difference between an office pre-built PC versus a custom, gaming enthusiast-level PC, and whether they're the type to judge you for your gift (i.e. interpreting your gift as you pawning off out-dated, unwanted hardware or as a genuine, heartfelt gesture). Ah, but this is a completely moot point if they're not too picky about PC parts.

[Actual_Criminal]

3 minutes ago, Eschew said:

For greed, kinda partly relies on how aware your friend is of the PC parts market and whether they're able to assess the PC config you'll be gifting them. As in, whether they'll be able to tell the difference between an office pre-built PC versus a custom, gaming enthusiast-level PC, and whether they're the type to judge you for your gift (i.e. interpreting your gift as you pawning off out-dated, unwanted hardware or as a genuine, heartfelt gesture). Ah, but this is a completely moot point if they're not too picky about PC parts.

Ah well for this part, they know nothing about PC's in terms of hardware. 

 

I could put a RTX 3090 and a GTX 780 next to each other and he wouldn't have a clue of which is better. He isn't aware of the prices too much but knows PC's can get really expensive. Definitely not aware of the current market situation.

[Spotty]

2 hours ago, Actual_Criminal said:

This is going off topic, but lets just say his wife is 'the man of the house'. Ever since he met her and had a kid, he blew all of his savings (£10K) on his girlfriend and child and moving in together. He also lost his job because he moved location to be with her. 

He 'blew' his savings by moving in with his partner and having a kid??  Houses/apartments are expensive, even if you're renting. Children are expensive. 10k savings is not going to go far when a kid is involved and if he has been out of work for years then it sounds like the wife is supporting him and their child. Does she work or is she also on welfare? 

 

Imagine talking about buying gaming computers and thinking someone wasted their savings on supporting their child.

[Dedayog]

3 hours ago, Actual_Criminal said:

Lol, i'm not flexing at all. Most of the programmers on here probably make double what I earn...legitimately. 

 

Also, the question is about "If you were in that scenario." rather than my friend specifically if you read the second last line.

You should know your "friends" well enough to know how they would react.  If he's a good enough friend to gift a PC, he's good enough to know, right?

 

Maybe I have different definition of friend *shrug*.

 

I guess if he's not a good enough friend to know well enough, I'd phrase it that you want to game with him and he can pay it forward or back at his leisure.  Tho if he doesn't have a job and has a baby, maybe a PC isn't what he needs right now.

 

Honestly, you'd be more helpful getting him off gov't assistance.  Do what he needs, not what you want.

[Jtalk4456]

ok, skipping the should he be working and will this enable bad behavior and all that, not enough info to really determine that. Nothing wrong with a man staying home while wife works if that's what they want and the same in reverse, so I'm not gonna judge that part of the situation without truly knowing the two of them. IF we get past that and any moral hesitations, then the answer is very simple:
"Hey dude, I've been really dying to play X in multiplayer with someone. I know you don't have a PC to play it with, but I just did some upgrades recently so I actually have the parts to make a good one with. This way we can play X together so I'm not just bored doing solo. When are you free for me to bring this over and set it up?"
1. Assumptive. you're not asking if he wants it, you're telling him you want it and you're gonna do this for him so you can have a gaming partner

2. You're the reasoning. You're not just giving him a pc out of pity, YOU are bored and NEED HIM to do some multiplayer with YOU. He's helping you. you just happen to have the tool he needs to help you with.

3. I assume from the tone of this question you actually do want to play video games with him. he's in a hard time, but he's a friend and you just wanna try and lighten the day a bit with some spare good fortune you have lying around. I assume you're not just dropping and leaving, I'd assume you're wanting to participate in helping him have fun. So if you actually want to play whatever X is with him, you're not lying, you're not sneaking around the subject, you're just asking him to play some games with you. No harm in that.

[Jtalk4456]

11 minutes ago, Dedayog said:

You should know your "friends" well enough to know how they would react.  If he's a good enough friend to gift a PC, he's good enough to know, right?

Maybe I have different definition of friend *shrug*.

No matter how much you know a person, some have anxiety about social situations. They tend to be the more thoughtful and giving, always worrying about others thinking this or that about their actions. I'd say he's laid out that he knows his friend pretty well. If he didn't know him enough he'd just gift the pc and not think about it. But because he DOES know him, he knows to worry about how he might react. 

[Purgent]

I agree with a bit of what has already been said, mostly around helping him get a job, as that would be a more positive impact to his ability to support himself and his family.

 

The blind spot here is that for many, including myself, video games are an escape from reality, whatever it is.  Is the optics of being unemployed and being gifted a gaming PC poor to his significant other?  Maybe, but that's not your place to worry.  Technology and games play a massive role in the mental welfare of many people today, and can help get them through a tough time, regardless of what it is.

 

There is not a perfect answer here, but I'll say this - giving your friend a PC because you recognize he otherwise cannot afford one himself is not some sort of crime, and you seem like you have a decent bit of self awareness.  As with anything, it's not about what you say or do, but how you say it or go about it.  You know your friend best, so only you have the right answer here.

[Actual_Criminal]

9 hours ago, Spotty said:

He 'blew' his savings by moving in with his partner and having a kid??  Houses/apartments are expensive, even if you're renting. Children are expensive. 10k savings is not going to go far when a kid is involved and if he has been out of work for years then it sounds like the wife is supporting him and their child. Does she work or is she also on welfare? 

 

Imagine talking about buying gaming computers and thinking someone wasted their savings on supporting their child.

Well maybe 'blew' was not the best choice of words. Savings on children is obviously a good cause, but I stand by what I said. - He went from saving £700+ in DI per month (as he was living at home prior to the relationship) to quickly meeting a girl and getting her pregnant the same month he met her and then spending his entirety of his savings to move into a rented flat with his new girlfriend who is also unemployed. - Because they have a child, they get benefits from the government. 

 

He absolutely did 'blow' his money rather than budget it and be reasonable. He isn't exactly financial savvy. - My point is though not to sort out his financial affairs or give him more money to blow, but just about giving him a PC to ease his troubles and so he can comfortable enjoy a hobby.

 

EDIT: This topic has obviously gone adrift and away from a friendly gesture to people expecting me to be a miracle life worker and sort out his finances/career/family. -

@ MODS please lock this thread.

[Moonzy]

Eh I would ask him if he's fine with it

 

If he feels bad and wishes to pay for it, charge him as used parts cheaply, but never make him "owe" you money because that's when things go south

 

It's either a gift or a one time payment

 

If he says no then don't force it

[Tristerin]

Two things from me - he shouldnt take offense, if a gift comes from the heart, accept it (or not) its up to him - but getting upset?  I cant understand why.  If he doesnt accept dont get offended either.

 

I mean this without judgement but if he has no job, lives off assistance - if he isnt disabled, or have various true reasons to remain unemployed - perhaps giving him a timesink that isnt of value, while he is taking care of a baby - isnt the best offering.  My 2 copper coins.

[Sir Asvald]

Why is everyone assuming that him not working for a long time = deadbeat? We don't know what is wrong with him. He could have a medical/mental condition that doesn't let him work. I wish people could stop assuming stuff. It's not healthy at all!

 

As for OP, your intentions are good! I would tell him this "I know you're going through tough times and I know you're an avid gamer, so I have this PC that I would like you to have and use. We can play together if you want" I think he would appreciate it that you want to give him something.  

[Dedayog]

9 hours ago, Jtalk4456 said:

No matter how much you know a person, some have anxiety about social situations. They tend to be the more thoughtful and giving, always worrying about others thinking this or that about their actions. I'd say he's laid out that he knows his friend pretty well. If he didn't know him enough he'd just gift the pc and not think about it. But because he DOES know him, he knows to worry about how he might react. 

I'm not sure if you're arguing the other side to be devil's advocate but I don't think you have it right.  If he didn't know him well, he's just gift the PC and be done?  Logically that doesn't fit, because if he didn't know him well why would he want to gift him a PC?

 

Sure, he may worry about how he may react but if he does know him well... he already knows how he'll react I am betting.