I saved up $1000+, but parents still won't let me get a gaming PC.

[BaldEagle1949]

So basically back in 2018 I asked my parents if they can get me a gaming PC, and they were like "nah." So I decided to get myself a few jobs from the neighbors by doing yardwork and stuff. Fast forward to now and I have over $1000 usd. My parents STILL won't let me get a PC. They say I'm not responsible enough, and then they give me a buncha crap like how I don't do anything else besides screen (not true btw, I exercise multiple times a week, read, draw, etc.) and how I have addiction, and that buying a PC will just feed it. Every time I bring up my points they're just like "stop trying to argue you buttcheek" and then pretty much shut me down from there. They say if I do these things, then MAYBE they'll consider me getting a PC. The thing is though, I'm a good kid. I get all A's (some B's but we don't talk about that), and I am one of the most responsible, independent people at my school (I'm in middle school). So what should I do since pretty much now it seems like my hopes and dreams have been completely crushed. Honestly, I'm kinda shocked/depressed at the same time since I've put in so many hours of hard work for nothing. It's black friday soon and I probably won't even be able to purchase anything.

 

 

edit: hey everyone, thanks for all of the both positive/negative feedback. It's really helped opened my eyes up to see that no, this is not the end of the world. I can still have a bright future even without a fancy gaming computer (I know, shocking). I think my plan for now is to just keep saving, and not really dwell on it too much. Also, I forgot to mention that I currently have a 2012 HP laptop that is absolute garbage, but with new things like NVIDIA Geforce NOW coming out, it may be possible to get away with some gaming. I really am thankful for everyone that took time to respond, I really mean it. I'll keep everyone updated on whether or not I will ever get a PC in the future, but don't keep your hopes up

 

edit 2 (12/6/21): I'M GOING TO BUILD MYSELF A PC! I got an Intel Core i5-11400, and will use the iGPU on it until I can manage to get a graphics card, preferably a 3060 Ti. Also, sorry for being so cringe in my original post I was very much over-reacting to the situation.

[pcorkus]

Maybe explain the situation to a teacher or even the principal or a counselor at school (or whatever it's called) and they could contact your parents and explain the role of a computer in today's learning and the fact that without one a pupil is pretty much handicapped when it comes both to projects and learning materials as well as a headstart and much needed experience in a future job.

 

IMHO, your mistake was mentioning the "gaming" prefix when you first talked to your parents about getting a PC. Avoid this term in the future, they will not know anyway what the PC can do or run, so you could easily sneak in a decent 16 gigs of RAM and GPU capable of doing some 1080p gaming. And then...don't get caught gaming, you'll most probably have some tough first few months with surveillance and suspicions but once they see you're using it for school and learning related stuff, they'll get more comfortable with you spending time at the PC. Also after that, don't exaggerate with gaming

Good luck, mate!

[dalekphalm]

10 hours ago, BaldEagle1949 said:

So basically back in 2018 I asked my parents if they can get me a gaming PC, and they were like "nah." So I decided to get myself a few jobs from the neighbors by doing yardwork and stuff. Fast forward to now and I have over $1000 usd. My parents STILL won't let me get a PC. They say I'm not responsible enough, and then they give me a buncha crap like how I don't do anything else besides screen (not true btw, I exercise multiple times a week, read, draw, etc.) and how I have addiction, and that buying a PC will just feed it. Every time I bring up my points they're just like "stop trying to argue you buttcheek" and then pretty much shut me down from there. They say if I do these things, then MAYBE they'll consider me getting a PC. The thing is though, I'm a good kid. I get all A's (some B's but we don't talk about that), and I am one of the most responsible, independent people at my school (I'm in middle school). So what should I do since pretty much now it seems like my hopes and dreams have been completely crushed. Honestly, I'm kinda shocked/depressed at the same time since I've put in so many hours of hard work for nothing. It's black friday soon and I probably won't even be able to purchase anything.

Do you already own a computer in general?

 

If you're in middle school, you're like 10-12 - maybe 13 tops. I don't necessarily blame your parents for their decisions.

 

What you need to do is convince them that the things they think you need to accomplish, have been accomplished.

7 hours ago, pcorkus said:

Maybe explain the situation to a teacher or even the principal or a counselor at school (or whatever it's called) and they could contact your parents and explain the role of a computer in today's learning and the fact that without one a pupil is pretty much handicapped when it comes both to projects and learning materials as well as a headstart and much needed experience in a future job.

Keep in mind that he almost certainly already has either a PC or access to a PC (family computer, for example) - so him trying to get teachers to convince his parents that "A PC is a necessity of education" is basically bullshit and highly manipulative.

 

You're right that a PC is pretty much fundamentally required for modern education. But a $500 (or less) Office PC will do that job just as well as a $1000+ gaming PC.

7 hours ago, pcorkus said:

IMHO, your mistake was mentioning the "gaming" prefix when you first talked to your parents about getting a PC. Avoid this term in the future, they will not know anyway what the PC can do or run, so you could easily sneak in a decent 16 gigs of RAM and GPU capable of doing some 1080p gaming. And then...don't get caught gaming, you'll most probably have some tough first few months with surveillance and suspicions but once they see you're using it for school and learning related stuff, they'll get more comfortable with you spending time at the PC. Also after that, don't exaggerate with gaming

Don't follow this advice. This is bad advice.

 

Intentionally lying (or lying by omission) to your parents about what the PC is for (let alone what kind of PC it is), is incredibly unethical. And frankly, it would just be a matter of time before that blows up in the OP's face.

 

You think his parents won't eventually notice he's gaming on the very expensive PC they ordered?

 

OP needs to be honest with his parents about what he wants and why he thinks he needs it. If he really is "a good kid" who is mature, does well in school, etc, then it's likely just a matter of time before his parents recognize that and are more lenient with him.

 

Hell I didn't have my own gaming PC until I was in late high school. Yes we had one before that, but it was shared with the family (not "mine" specifically).

 

[Letgomyleghoe]

tell them its for school, spend time doing school, and occasionaly game on it, or wait and save up a little more.

[WkdPaul]

* thread cleaned *

 

Please stay on-topic.

[pipnina]

Is this money you have on hand or they manage for you?

You could just... Buy it anyway. Only the truly insane form of parent would do anything so extreme as to take away or (forbid) throw away expensive equipment you bought with your own earned money because they don't think you need it.

To get bonus points here, put 25% of that saved money into a proper savings account. It would probably show an even smi reasonable parent that you can put money towards things that aren't instant gratification even if your computer might only be half built or of lower spec for now. $750 would still get you a very good first gaming PC.

 

I don't know how old you are, but I know in your teens it's very hard to come by money. This makes it tempting to spend it all on things when you might not be the best move. IMO, buy the stuff anyway, put 25% in savings and get a receipt to show your parents you did it. But also don't just back down if they go down the crazy route. At the end of the day it's not their money being spent.

At the end of the day you need to judge your parents character. What are their usual methods of punishment? How do they react to serious disobedience? Do they have a history of throwing things away or of physical violence?

If they are likely in your eyes to take disproportionate measures, play it safe. Otherwise, it's you're money so just buy what you want with it.

You also didn't specify country/county/state. This determines whether things you buy as a minor are actually classed as your property or not, it's probably a good idea to look into that before buying. It'd be VERY harsh to slap your parents back legally if they did throw away your earned PC, but in some places it's something you can press criminal charges for.

 

TL;DR: Stick it to the man

[Helpful Tech Witch]

11 minutes ago, pipnina said:

This determines whether things you buy as a minor are actually classed as your property or not, it's probably a good idea to look into that before buying

NOTE FOR OP:
In the USA (at least in my state), gifts are your property, and what you buy with money that was a gift (say you got 25$ from Grandma and you buy a mouse), is your property. But if you get something from Mom & Dad, or its from working (like mowing lawns) its Mom & Dads.

[pipnina]

1 minute ago, HelpfulTechWizard said:

NOTE FOR OP:
In the USA (at least in my state), gifts are your property, and what you buy with money that was a gift (say you got 25$ from Grandma and you buy a mouse), is your property. But if you get something from Mom & Dad, or its from working (like mowing lawns) its Mom & Dads.

That seems kinda terrible, but I agree it's always good to know.

[Helpful Tech Witch]

Just now, pipnina said:

That seems kinda terrible, but I agree it's always good to know.

Actually, its only if the payment was agreed apon before, which makes it a contract: service for pay.

If you are given after, with no agreement, its a gift.

[spartaman64]

2 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

 

Don't follow this advice. This is bad advice.

 

Intentionally lying (or lying by omission) to your parents about what the PC is for (let alone what kind of PC it is), is incredibly unethical. And frankly, it would just be a matter of time before that blows up in the OP's face.

 

You think his parents won't eventually notice he's gaming on the very expensive PC they ordered?

 

OP needs to be honest with his parents about what he wants and why he thinks he needs it. If he really is "a good kid" who is mature, does well in school, etc, then it's likely just a matter of time before his parents recognize that and are more lenient with him.

 

Hell I didn't have my own gaming PC until I was in late high school. Yes we had one before that, but it was shared with the family (not "mine" specifically).

 

I would say restricting him from using money he earned the way he wants is what's unethical. people put parents up on a pedestal and say kids should listen to their parents no matter what and maybe thats understandable if they had good parents but thats not the case with everyone

[dalekphalm]

Just now, spartaman64 said:

I would say restricting him from using money he earned the way he wants is what's unethical.

Maybe - but a kid isn't an adult. Kids don't have full freedom yet because they frankly can't always be trusted with it yet.

Just now, spartaman64 said:

people put parents up on a pedestal and say kids should listen to their parents no matter what and maybe thats understandable if they had good parents but thats not the case with everyone

Sure it's not the case with everyone, but there's no indication that this is the case here.

 

This is why people (esp on this forum) put parents on a pedestal:

Because if your parents say "you're not allowed to buy this" and you do it anyway? That will only make the situation worse.

 

If you or the OP can provide solid evidence that he's being abused and has bad parents, sure - but that's unlikely at best.

[pipnina]

3 minutes ago, HelpfulTechWizard said:

Actually, its only if the payment was agreed apon before, which makes it a contract: service for pay.

If you are given after, with no agreement, its a gift.

I'd think yard work for neighbours would be more like contract work, since you'd be asking to mow a neighbour's lawn for money before commencing work (I think, it's an American thing as I can tell so I have no experience).

[SpaceGhostC2C]

14 minutes ago, pipnina said:

I don't know how old you are

probably same as you.

 

Please OP, don't follow that advice either. Read @dalekphalm's post instead. It's not a matter of whose money buys what (if it was, your savings would not cover your expenses of one month), it's a matter of education: at your age, you need education, and it's up to your parents to provide it. Managing money, encouraging certain behaviors, discouraging others, and balancing risks is all part of it. Talk to them, and I don't mean "try to get your way by words", i mean really talk to them, reasoning, first and foremost to understand their point, and then to convey yours. And accept decisions you don't like when it's their right and responsibility to make them (also, understand that their power to make decisions stems form their responsibility over the outcomes). If you succeed at getting them to understand your point of view, and show to see theirs, even if you don't get what you want know you may still get it later. And perf/$ is only going to go up 

 

Or maybe you are truly on the path to screen addiction and they rightfully stand their ground forever, how would I know  The point is that it's up for them to tell.

 

[Moonzy]

buying against your parent's wishes is just

1) looking for trouble

2) disrespectful, it's their house

 

have a talk with them, explain

if they don understand, then too bad

[spartaman64]

1 minute ago, dalekphalm said:

Maybe - but a kid isn't an adult. Kids don't have full freedom yet because they frankly can't always be trusted with it yet.

Sure it's not the case with everyone, but there's no indication that this is the case here.

 

This is why people (esp on this forum) put parents on a pedestal:

Because if your parents say "you're not allowed to buy this" and you do it anyway? That will only make the situation worse.

 

If you or the OP can provide solid evidence that he's being abused and has bad parents, sure - but that's unlikely at best.

if hes 12 maybe but if hes 16+ then i think he can make his own decisions especially since hes talking about a computer and not drugs. when i told my parents about my first gf it was the biggest mistake in my life since they couldnt stand that she was a different race than us and did everything they can to interfere. so i strongly disagree with the notion that parents always know better

[Silentprototipe]

I was exactly like you a few years back. I personally just ignored my parents and dropped the money for my own machine. However I was only able to do so because besides having a stable job I also had a debit card. However the chewing out from my parents honestly really wasnt worth the trouble but it was my own money so I was entitled to spend it. Now that im older I see why they didnt want me to. That $1000 is much better spent on something like your first car rather than a PC. Something that makes you money instead of taking it. Trust me it sucks but your parents have their reasons that you will end up seeing as you get older. Try working with what you got or just spending a small amount of it instead of all $1000

[pipnina]

Just now, Moonzy said:

buying against your parent's wishes is just

1) looking for trouble

2) disrespectful, it's their house

Their house, that you never chose to live in.

A child isn't indebted to their parents because the parents provide the child with necessities for life. Nor do they require respect for doing what is required of them by law. If they want to be respected they can earn it, like how the teenager needs to earn their respect and trust.

Also, while teenagers can struggle to see other sides of an argument, let's not pretend that most parents are great at conflict resolution. If they wanted to be helpful in this situation, they'd offer op a path to getting what they want. Something, or a set of things, op can do to gain their trust sufficiently to buy the computer without complaint.

 

Maybe OP should ask them about that instead and try to be the better party here, and ask them not why op can't buy the computer, but how they COULD.

[Dedayog]

New world:  Kids come to the internet to tell their parents how to parent.  

 

It's your parent's house, move out when you do not like the rules.

 

Btw, start paying for your food, clothing, insurance, etc. before you get all righteous about "your money".

 

Entitlement is this generations watchword

2 minutes ago, pipnina said:

Their house, that you never chose to live in.

A child isn't indebted to their parents because the parents provide the child with necessities for life. Nor do they require respect for doing what is required of them by law. If they want to be respected they can earn it, like how the teenager needs to earn their respect and trust.

Also, while teenagers can struggle to see other sides of an argument, let's not pretend that most parents are great at conflict resolution. If they wanted to be helpful in this situation, they'd offer op a path to getting what they want. Something, or a set of things, op can do to gain their trust sufficiently to buy the computer without complaint.

 

Maybe OP should ask them about that instead and try to be the better party here, and ask them not why op can't buy the computer, but how they COULD.

You're correct, kids didn't ask to be here.  It's a 100% selfish act of parents.

 

That said, how old are your kids that you raise them as you do?

[IkeaGnome]

13 hours ago, BaldEagle1949 said:

So basically back in 2018 I asked my parents if they can get me a gaming PC, and they were like "nah." So I decided to get myself a few jobs from the neighbors by doing yardwork and stuff. Fast forward to now and I have over $1000 usd. My parents STILL won't let me get a PC. They say I'm not responsible enough, and then they give me a buncha crap like how I don't do anything else besides screen (not true btw, I exercise multiple times a week, read, draw, etc.) and how I have addiction, and that buying a PC will just feed it. Every time I bring up my points they're just like "stop trying to argue you buttcheek" and then pretty much shut me down from there. They say if I do these things, then MAYBE they'll consider me getting a PC. The thing is though, I'm a good kid. I get all A's (some B's but we don't talk about that), and I am one of the most responsible, independent people at my school (I'm in middle school). So what should I do since pretty much now it seems like my hopes and dreams have been completely crushed. Honestly, I'm kinda shocked/depressed at the same time since I've put in so many hours of hard work for nothing. It's black friday soon and I probably won't even be able to purchase anything.

Sit down and talk to them. When they "pretty much shut you down", don't stop listening. Be rational. If you get emotional, it just proves their point. At the end of the day, if they say no, they say no. The more time you dwell on it the more it proves their point. If I were you, I'd drop it until a week or so before Black Friday. Mention sales, mention that your money can go father for the same pc and that the extra money can go into savings. On that note, I agree with what was said earlier. Put a good chunk of it into savings. 

I remember growing up. If I did what some of the people in here are suggesting, I'd be going out and cutting my own switch.As would my kids. Parents say no, until you move out, it means no.

[dalekphalm]

13 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

if hes 12 maybe but if hes 16+

Okay but why would you think he's 16+?

 

He said he's in middle school. Where I live, middle school is generally considered grades 4 to 6 - or at best, 4 to 8 (depends on whether 7 and 8 are considered part of middle school, or part of "junior high school").

 

He's probably exactly 12 - or possibly even younger.

13 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

then i think he can make his own decisions especially since hes talking about a computer and not drugs. when i told my parents about my first gf it was the biggest mistake in my life since they couldnt stand that she was a different race than us and did everything they can to interfere. so i strongly disagree with the notion that parents always know better

Your parents being racist is not at all comparable to the OP buying a computer behind their parents back. I'm sorry that your parents are racist. That's not cool - that's horrible, and that would no doubt negatively affect your upbringing in various ways I probably can't understand.

 

But I'm gonna be honest - I feel like your personal situation is clouding your judgement here. Most parent's are just regular people - not evil, not bad parents, just regular people.

[pipnina]

6 minutes ago, Dedayog said:

t's your parent's house, move out when you do not like the rules.

1 minute ago, Voluspa said:

Parents say no, until you move out, it means no.

Around the world, people live with their parents now increasingly into their 30s, even in long term full-time employment.

A house you live in, even with your parents, doesn't necessarily mean their rules. It means a healthy compromise is needed or every party gets majorly ticked off.

Moving out from your parent's isn't the walk in the park it used to be, boomers.

 

Talking to genz as the generation of entitlement when the post-war boom has most definitely ended, and the #1 route to home ownership for young people in the UK is through inheritance, the "move out if you don't like it" rhetoric is definitely showing it's age.

 

For the record, I don't think I'd be a great parent. Which is why I don't intend to become one until such a time (if that time comes) where I feel like I could be one. Certainly however, I'd think I'd be one good enough to at least try and mediate these kinds of disputes instead of escalating them.

 

Do I know if op is spoiled? No. Do I know their parents are bad? No. But I recognize their situation and disagree with it generally. Don't need to be a parent to recognize bad parenting.

[Silentprototipe]

34 minutes ago, pipnina said:

TL;DR: Stick it to the man

I highly advise against this. I was exactly in OP's situation and stuck it to the man. Thats 2 years of fixing my relationship with my parents and draining every penny ive ever earned. This is why we don't give teenagers like me any large amounts of money 

[WkdPaul]

8 minutes ago, pipnina said:

Don't need to be a parent to recognize bad parenting.

True, but saying no isn't bad parenting. If that's your worst problem in life (your parents saying no), then consider yourself one of the privileged.

 

8 minutes ago, pipnina said:

Around the world, people live with their parents now increasingly into their 30s, even in long term full-time employment.

A house you live in, even with your parents, doesn't necessarily mean their rules. It means a healthy compromise is needed or every party gets majorly ticked off.

Moving out from your parent's isn't the walk in the park it used to be, boomers.

And that's not the discussion at all here, we're not talking about a 30yo, we're talking about a middle-schooler. Instigating his parents isn't going to help the OP. You might have something against your parents, but don't let it taint other's relation with theirs.

[Moonzy]

10 minutes ago, pipnina said:

Do I know if op is spoiled? No. Do I know their parents are bad? No. But I recognize their situation and disagree with it generally. Don't need to be a parent to recognize bad parenting.

Exactly, we know nothing so asking about this in the forums is not a good idea

 

Op, talk to your parents

And I don't mean persuade, more of a discussion and understand both points of view

You wouldn't like it if your parents did something that you don't like, so why do it back to them?

[pipnina]

1 minute ago, wkdpaul said:

True, but saying no isn't bad parenting. If that's your worst problem in life (your parents saying no), then consider yourself one of the privileged.

 

And that's not the discussion at all here, we're not talking about a 30yo, we're talking about a middle-schooler. Instigating his parents isn't going to help the OP. You might have something against your parents, but don't let it taint other's relation with theirs.

My worst problem certainly isn't my parents saying no. If anything mine *were* able to convince me on several occasions to not buy things for valid reasons. Even recently, after I've been in work for over a year now, my dad did convince me to postpone looking to move out because of financial stability.

Several years ago, when the Nvidia Shield came out and I must have been 15 or something, I was heavily enthused about it and my parents dulled that enough for me to realise I didn't need or want it that much after all. They played the delay game without saying no outright, which is a remarkably effective tactic at all ages.