Sorry I was kind of an asshole about this a couple months ago. These seemed to be more oddly-specific problems than I thought they were at first, so I got impatient.
I messaged Oloy for the heck of it, and I figured out that the version of my RAM was simply not addressable, so it's "RGB" but not "aRGB." Potential buyers of this product, be careful of this if you decide to buy that RAM! (Unless you're a unicorn-vomit-theme fan, of course.) Thanks for your help, cr8tor.
As for the Prism cooler, I ended up caving and buying a cable from some dude on eBay. The listing looked like this: https://www.ebay.com/itm/254799546054?ViewItem=&item=254799546054 I also tried contacting AMD to get a cable just to see what would happen, but they've been a lot slower than ordering it on eBay was. Maybe it's because it's the holidays, but it's something to consider.
Sorry to open up an old thread, but I thought I'd address the things here in case someone has the same problem in the future.