Life Advice from Forum

[amdorintel]

crazy, but hey its a new generation of people now. parents are busy and dont have time. no role models.

 

do you have any role models that you talk to on the phone, or that you see face to face?

 

 

 

 

[WereCatf]

14 minutes ago, Arika S said:

I generally don't try or want to be like other people. Stay true to yourself

I heartily echo this sentiment. I've never seen the point in trying to be like someone else, when you could instead try to be like yourself.

[pizapower]

I call to Sebille if I want someone dead with a magic needle.

[amdorintel]

well a role model just instills values, dont have to copy and paste.

someone you look up to really

someone you respect

[The1Dickens]

1 hour ago, Arika S said:

I generally don't try or want to be like other people. Stay true to yourself

 

53 minutes ago, WereCatf said:

I heartily echo this sentiment. I've never seen the point in trying to be like someone else, when you could instead try to be like yourself.

That's such a generic cop-out, though. Like, really? You don't have anything you have picked up in your lives that you wish someone would have told you? Nobody, at any point in your lives, gave you a nugget of wisdom that you took to heart? Nobody did something that made you think twice about yourselves and consider doing things differently?

 

Some advice that I've acquired, either learned, or passed on.

Dealing with others:

• Respect everyone by default. Let them give you a reason to lose or keep that respect.
• Feel free to cut people out of your life if they are toxic. This includes family.
• Always give people a chance to prove that they have changed/grown.
• People develop at different paces, never assume someone knows what you know and vice versa.
• If you do a kind thing for someone, never expect anything in return. Also, do not hold that over them. Good deeds are not a savings account.
• Never humiliate your opponent once you've won, in a fight or an argument. Let it end. Also, if you lose, take the loss graciously.
• Don't pick a fight you know you can easily win. That's being a bully.
• Nobody is perfect, don't expect them to be.

Dealing with yourself:

• Nobody is perfect, don't expect it of yourself.
• Learn a good story, and a dirty joke, and know when to tell which.
• Never underestimate the power of a good bath.
• Under promise and over deliver.
• Keep your promises. No excuses.
• Be aware of yourself. Your demeanor, your speech, your tics.
• Let yourself ask for help. Nobody gets through life alone. Don't try to be the first.
• Be open to criticism.
• Volunteer at least once.
• Travel beyond your county/state/province at least once.
• Treat yourself once in a while. You are your own worst critic, so you probably deserve it well before you feel you do.
• It's okay to not know everything about anything. When you are conversing, make it clear that something is 'what you remember', or 'how you understand it'.
• Be open to being wrong. Its how we learn.
• Read at least 2 books per year. Audio books count.
• Watch a film in theater at least once a year.
• Buy at least one good suit, and two pairs of good shoes.

 

These may seem cliche, or 'old school', but I've tried to adhere to them. And I feel like they are good pieces of advice.

[mr moose]

I used to see this all the time in the schools I was a part of.  My advice is to encourage families to do less material and isolated things and at the very least engage in family oriented activities for the kids.  Shit like football in Australia. (don't know what kids sports are like in the US) but in Australia it is fairly genuine and the kids have more than their parents to look up to.

 

 

[WereCatf]

1 hour ago, The1Dickens said:

That's such a generic cop-out, though. Like, really? You don't have anything you have picked up in your lives that you wish someone would have told you? Nobody, at any point in your lives, gave you a nugget of wisdom that you took to heart? Nobody did something that made you think twice about yourselves and consider doing things differently?

You're conflating having learned something from someone with them being a role-model. News-flash: they aren't the same thing. I learned e.g. maths from my maths-teacher, but that definitely doesn't make her my fucking role-model.

[mr moose]

10 minutes ago, Arika S said:

That's not what a role model is

 

That's not what a role model is

 

All together now: That's not what a role model is.

 

 

A Role Model is a person you look up to and want to be like, emulate, imitate, someone you admire and want to copy or aspire to be like them

 

I used to teach guitar about 25 years ago,  out of the blue I ran in to an old student from then.  After chatting for a while he told me all about his family etc.  He said one thing that made me think real hard about all of this stuff.  He asked me if if I still smoked,  I said no and that I manged to quit.  Of all the advice I gave him about working hard, being grateful for things you have, the thing he took from me was a throw away comment about how hard it was to quite and how I wish I had never taken it up in the first place.   The moral is that the advice, wisdom, or education you impart on someone isn't worth a pinch of shit, however a genuine whine I had about something that was hard for me stuck with him and now he is a swim trainer and health professional.   It just goes to show, it is not what role models tell you. but how they live that imparts the most influence.

 

 

[kokakolia]

3 hours ago, amdorintel said:

crazy, but hey its a new generation of people now. parents are busy and dont have time. no role models.

 

do you have any role models that you talk to on the phone, or that you see face to face?

 

 

 

 

If you're seeking a role model you open yourself up to pyramid schemes a.k.a. multi-level marketing. They'll make you read Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad book. They'll brainwash you into buying overpriced vitamins and worship capitalism. You know, the Tai Lopez kind of people. 

[Bombastinator]

4 hours ago, kokakolia said:

If you're seeking a role model you open yourself up to pyramid schemes a.k.a. multi-level marketing. They'll make you read Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad book. They'll brainwash you into buying overpriced vitamins and worship capitalism. You know, the Tai Lopez kind of people. 

I think this can be done without guaranteeing you fall victim to abusers.  It is definitely a major danger though. Abusive organizations and groups like to go after people in the midst of a life transition for just this reason.  People just entering or just leaving a life transition.  Just entering or leaving college is a big one.

Its a major recruitment point for abusive companies and religious groups (they’re not allowed to be called cults anymore. Same thing though)

 

there seems to be disagreement on the meaning of the term.  The wiki says

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Role_model

[kokakolia]

@BombastinatorYou hit the nail on the head! I almost got roped into Amway after graduating University and feeling useless. It was during the 2015 recession in Canada, there was no hope for jobs. 

 

 

[orbitalbuzzsaw]

6 hours ago, mr moose said:

I used to see this all the time in the schools I was a part of.  My advice is to encourage families to do less material and isolated things and at the very least engage in family oriented activities for the kids.  Shit like football in Australia. (don't know what kids sports are like in the US) but in Australia it is fairly genuine and the kids have more than their parents to look up to.

 

 

At least in some parts of USA, Boy Scouts offers this for lots of people, I know

[cluelessgenius]

not as a whole. no. i certainly do admire certain personality traits of some people but everyone also has their flaws. 

[Commodus]

I'd say it's best to emulate positive actions you see in people, rather than looking up to individuals (although there are undoubtedly people who consistently raise the bar).  It prevents you from falling into hero worship and turning a blind eye to someone's faults.

 

Also, to add to the "be yourself" advice -- what you want to do is be the best version of yourself.  If you're a dork, strive to be a shining beacon for other dorks both in what you know and how you treat others.

[The1Dickens]

6 hours ago, WereCatf said:

You're conflating having learned something from someone with them being a role-model. News-flash: they aren't the same thing. I learned e.g. maths from my maths-teacher, but that definitely doesn't make her my fucking role-model.

I'm very much aware an instructor is not a role model. "Learning" doesn't just mean academically. But thanks for the clarification.

 

5 hours ago, Arika S said:

A Role Model is a person you look up to and want to be like, emulate, imitate, someone you admire and want to copy or aspire to be like them

I've always understood a role model is someone whose behavior is looked favorably upon, a model for a given role. There could be multiple role models in your life. But, thanks for the definition.

 

I apologize if my post came across harsh, that wasn't my intent at all. I just understood the thread title in tandem with the post to be opening a discussion about what you may have learned from a role model, as well as whether you have any.

[WereCatf]

43 minutes ago, Commodus said:

Also, to add to the "be yourself" advice -- what you want to do is be the best version of yourself.

This will probably come off as nitpicking about the definition of what it even means to be oneself, but....to me, the wish to improve oneself already is a part of just being myself. I am already being myself when I am trying to improve aspects of myself; there is no "best version" of myself, there is only me.

[spartaman64]

i had some really cool teachers in high school that i looked up to

[spartaman64]

6 hours ago, Arika S said:

That's not what a role model is

 

That's not what a role model is

 

All together now: That's not what a role model is.

 

 

A Role Model is a person you look up to and want to be like, emulate, imitate, someone you admire and want to copy or aspire to be like them

what is your occupation or hobbies? dont you know someone thats really good in whatever occupation you are in or whatever hobby you do and you want to become good like them? and dont you have historical figures you look up to like MLK, Carl von Clausewitz, or Genghis Khan. ok maybe not the last one. 

[Commodus]

16 minutes ago, WereCatf said:

This will probably come off as nitpicking about the definition of what it even means to be oneself, but....to me, the wish to improve oneself already is a part of just being myself. I am already being myself when I am trying to improve aspects of myself; there is no "best version" of myself, there is only me.

It's really just about refining yourself when possible.  Being kinder to others.  Learn more about the things that drive you.  Take better care of yourself mentally and physically.  That sort of thing.

[nick name]

There is a lot that comes from emotional maturity.  Until you reach a certain level of it then there isn't a lot of growing you will do as a person.  Having someone around you that you can mimic until you realize why their behaviors are worthy of repeating is probably what most folks think of when they say role model.  Then once you do develop (some folks won't until well into adulthood) you can use others' behavior to spot deficiencies in yourself.  If you can't observe and identify your own bad behaviors because you lack emotional maturity then you won't be able to learn from anyone else and will simply have to rely on mimicking their behavior.  And you also need the willingness to change and that's where many folks fall short.  

[amdorintel]

its degenerated into not having the word Boy, its really sad to see people so sensitive.

schools don't even give out grades anymore its degenerated down that far! not having a winner of a game.

its sad really!

 

9 hours ago, orbitalbuzzsaw said:

At least in some parts of USA, Boy Scouts offers this for lots of people, I know

 

 

 

 

[spartaman64]

47 minutes ago, amdorintel said:

its degenerated into not having the word Boy, its really sad to see people so sensitive.

schools don't even give out grades anymore its degenerated down that far! not having a winner of a game.

its sad really!

 

 

 

 

 

idk i sort of support it as allowing girls to join the "boy scouts" i think is a good thing. people ask why not join the girls scouts because boy scouts and girl scouts do different things. now allow boys to join girl scouts when?

[spartaman64]

4 minutes ago, Caroline said:

idk nobody cares about me so making threads asking for advice is useless

 

girl scouts gotta be more interesting

 

i sort of care about you. like i wouldnt want anything bad to happen to you and you must have someone in your life that cares

[spartaman64]

11 minutes ago, Caroline said:

idk nobody cares about me so making threads asking for advice is useless

 

if you want to talk to someone about something you can message me

[spartaman64]

1 hour ago, Caroline said:

 

When someone says he cares about me

 

 

its true i generally care about everyone to a degree. i once ordered some random person in a twitch stream pizza because they are out of money after getting fired and their food stamps didnt kick in yet