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About deXxterlab97

  • Title
    I survived suicide once
  • Birthday Aug 20, 1997

Contact Methods

  • Discord
  • Steam
  • Origin
  • Twitter
  • Heatware

Profile Information

  • Location
    Arcadia Bae, Oregon, USA
  • Interests
    Computer, Life is Strange
  • Biography
    I make videos on http://youtube.com/OwlCityMP3 and http://youtube.com/deXxterlab97
    I like programming and video editing
    Born in Moscow, Russia. Is of Vietnamese decent and lives in Canada
  • Occupation


  • CPU
  • Motherboard
    Asus H81M-E
  • RAM
    1x8GB DDR3
  • GPU
    PowerColor "BLUE" Red Dragon RX 480 4GB (Core: 1759; Memory: 2250)
  • Case
  • Storage
    1TB WD Blue, 2TB Seagate Barracuda, 240GB SanDisk Ultra II
  • PSU
    Delta 500AB-6A
  • Display(s)
    LG 24M45H 1080p (overclocked to 75Hz)
  • Cooling
  • Keyboard
    Logitech G710+ "custom painted blue"
  • Mouse
    Logitech G502 Proteus Spectrum "custom painted blue"
  • Sound
    Kingston HyperX Cloud Stinger
  • Operating System
    Windows 10 Home (main), Windows 7 (benchmark), Ubuntu (work)
  • PCPartPicker URL

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  1.   In the world where everything is in total chaos and everything revolves around you in a speed of light it is not uncommon to find that we somehow feel rejected and useless. A broken relationship, a failed exam, loved ones passed away, anything could become a barrier for us to hate this world, even a minor thing in life that seems so innocence could lead to a big consequences if not taken care of it properly.

       I am not a good writer, no. I do not like writing essays as my capabilities and ideas are always lacking, but when a topic that I feel needed to be shared with everyone as how it is so familiar with us I decided to express myself with what I do worst: words.

      So you feel down, hopeleless and not wanting to do anything in life. You find there is no exit sign above any door or that a door opens, another door appears and you stuck in an endless loop of despair. What now? 

      Well the first thing and the least thing you might wanna hear is to not think about it. It is easy to say but hard to do. Hey let's not think about anything at all. But that is not how it works. Your mind always constantly thinking about something, regardless of time and place. Even in our sleep we dream and some people sleepwalk. We need a distraction, a way to keep our head busy with other things. To me the best solution is music. I have been an Owl City fan for many years now, and whenever I am in a bad mood I always sing in my mind couple of melody or verse from an uplifting song. I know all of Owl City's lyrics by heart so it will not be difficult for me to find a song. My personal favorite lines:



    How close is the ending well nobody knows

    The future's a mystery and anything goes

    Love is confusing and life is hard

    You fight to survive cause you made it this far




    Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains

    And we'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins


    Maybe music is not your cup of tea? It does not help? Take a walk, inhale and exhale deep. Find yourself a favorite activity to do, read a book? I am a huge fan of detective stories, have been reading Sherlock Holmes multiple times and just recently finished Millennium trilogy. I also starting to watch Elementary, which is a modern adaptation of Sherlock in NY after having watched Sherlock series by BBC. Life is gonna be good up ahead so far. I also thinking about getting all the benchmarks results from various review sites and compile them nicely into a menu-like program to navigate around, just a crazy idea that would occupy me for some time.

    Watch a movie? Go on forum and help people who needed? Make some insane PC part list for your "dream build"? 


    Sorry, can't keep myself from doing it :D 

    PCPartPicker part list / Price breakdown by merchant

    CPU: Intel - Core i9-7980XE 2.6GHz 18-Core Processor  ($1919.99 @ Amazon) 
    CPU Cooler: Thermaltake - Floe Riing RGB 360 TT Premium Edition 42.3 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler  ($184.79 @ SuperBiiz) 
    Thermal Compound: Thermal Grizzly - Kryonaut 11.1g Thermal Paste  ($97.66 @ Newegg Marketplace) 
    Motherboard: Asus - ROG RAMPAGE VI EXTREME EATX LGA2066 Motherboard  ($649.99 @ B&H) 
    Memory: G.Skill - Trident Z RGB 32GB (2 x 16GB) DDR4-3866 Memory  ($516.99 @ Newegg) 
    Memory: G.Skill - Trident Z RGB 32GB (2 x 16GB) DDR4-3866 Memory  ($516.99 @ Newegg) 
    Memory: G.Skill - Trident Z RGB 32GB (2 x 16GB) DDR4-3866 Memory  ($516.99 @ Newegg) 
    Memory: G.Skill - Trident Z RGB 32GB (2 x 16GB) DDR4-3866 Memory  ($516.99 @ Newegg) 
    Storage: Samsung - 960 Pro 2TB M.2-2280 Solid State Drive  ($1229.99 @ Other World Computing) 
    Storage: Samsung - 960 Pro 2TB M.2-2280 Solid State Drive  ($1229.99 @ Other World Computing) 
    Video Card: Asus - GeForce GTX 1080 Ti 11GB STRIX GAMING Video Card (2-Way SLI)  ($1129.89 @ B&H) 
    Video Card: Asus - GeForce GTX 1080 Ti 11GB STRIX GAMING Video Card (2-Way SLI)  ($1129.89 @ B&H) 
    Case: Thermaltake -  View 71 TG RGB ATX Full Tower Case  ($164.99 @ SuperBiiz) 
    Power Supply: Thermaltake - Toughpower DPS G RGB Titanium 1500W 80+ Titanium Certified Fully-Modular ATX Power Supply  ($399.99 @ Amazon) 
    Sound Card: Asus - STRIX RAID DLX 24-bit 192 KHz Sound Card  ($218.60 @ Amazon) 
    Case Fan: Thermaltake - Riing Plus 14 RGB TT Premium Edition (5 Fan Pack) 63.2 CFM  140mm Fans  ($149.99 @ Amazon) 
    Monitor: Asus - ROG SWIFT PG348Q 34.0" 3440x1440 100Hz Monitor  ($1177.00 @ Amazon) 
    Monitor: Asus - ROG SWIFT PG348Q 34.0" 3440x1440 100Hz Monitor  ($1177.00 @ Amazon) 
    Monitor: Asus - ROG SWIFT PG348Q 34.0" 3440x1440 100Hz Monitor  ($1177.00 @ Amazon) 
    Keyboard: Asus - ROG Claymore Core Wired Gaming Keyboard  ($277.88 @ PCM) 
    Mouse: Asus - ROG Spatha Wireless Laser Mouse  ($159.99 @ B&H) 
    Headphones: Asus - STRIX 7.1 7.1 Channel  Headset  ($199.89 @ Amazon) 
    Speakers: Logitech - THX Z-5300e 280W 5.1ch Speakers  ($1435.67 @ Amazon) 
    UPS: APC - SRT10KXLT UPS  ($6434.99 @ Dell Small Business) 
    Total: $22613.14
    Prices include shipping, taxes, and discounts when available
    Generated by PCPartPicker 2018-02-15 06:50 EST-0500

      Next step is seek help. Any kind of help. Talk to a therapist helps. You might think it is something stupid, like why do I need to talk to someone I don't know? Well we all have to start from something. People for example do not just pop up randomly somewhere and instantly become friend. There are various call centers in Canada that you can call if you need help. I was in that situation myself, so I decided it is nice to have something written down below:


    Common distress call centres in case you need help in Canada (major cities only): 


    Toronto: (24/7) 416-408-4357; site https://www.torontodistresscentre.com/; online chat (2pm-2am) https://www.torontodistresscentre.com/ontx

    Missisauga/Brampton: (English, 24/7) 905-459-7777; site https://www.spectrahelpline.org/

    Kingston: (7pm-3am) 613-544-1771; site http://www.telephoneaidlinekingston.com/

    Ottawa: hotline (24/7) 613-238-3311, (French, 24/7) hotline 613-741-6433; http://www.dcottawa.on.ca/ and (French) http://telaideoutaouais.ca/

    Niagara: hotline (24/7) 905-688-3711; site http://distresscentreniagara.com/


    Nova Scotia

    Nova Scotia and Halifax: (24/7) 902-429-8167 / 1-888-429-8167; site http://www.nshealth.ca/service-details/Mental Health Mobile Crisis Telephone Line

    Nova Scotia in general: (24/7) 1-902-429-8167; site https://novascotia.cmha.ca/cast-program/cast-net/



    Calgary: (24/7) 403-266-4357; site http://www.distresscentre.com/; online chat http://www.calgaryconnecteen.com/

    Edmonton: (24/7) 780-482-4357 / 1-800-232-7288; site http://www.edmonton.cmha.ca/; online chat http://www.edmonton.cmha.ca/programs_services/online-crisis-chat/


    British Columbia

    Richmond: (8am-midnight) 604-279-7070; site http://www.chimoservices.com/ Metro Vancouver: (24/7) (BC) 1-800-784-2433, (24/7) (Vancouver) 604-872-3311; site https://crisiscentre.bc.ca/get-help/; online chat: (Youth, 12pm-1am) http://www.youthinbc.com/, (Adult, 12pm-1am) http://www.crisiscentrechat.ca/

    Interior region (Vernon, Kelowna, Cranbrook): 1-888-353-2273

    Vernon: http://www.peopleinneed.ca/

    Kelowna: https://kcr.ca/family-services/crisis-line/

    Saskatchewan: (24/7) 306-933-6200; site http://www.saskatooncrisis.ca/


    Manitoba: (24/7) 1-877-435-7170; site http://www.reasontolive.ca/


    Prince Edward Island: (English/French, 24/7) 1-800-218-2885; site http://www.theislandhelpline.com/


    Northwest Territories (I believe Yukon too): (English/French, 24/7) 1-800-661-0844; site http://www.nwthelpline.ca/



    Kugluktuk: (24/7) 867-982-1111

    Nunavut/Nunavik: (Help 24/7, Aids 7pm-9pm) 867-979-3333 / 1-800-265-3333; site http://www.nunavuthelpline.ca/

    New Brunswick: (English/French, 24/7) hotline 1-800-667-5005; site http://chimohelpline.ca/


    Newfoundland & Labrador: (24/7) 1-888-737-4668; site http://www.easternhealth.ca/WebInWeb.aspx?d=1&id=2106&p=74


    Quebec: (24/7) 1-866-277-3553; site http://cps-le-faubourg.org/

    As well as some hotlines around the world that I could find:


    USA: +1-800-273-8255; https://afsp.org/

    Australia: 1300224636; http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

    New Zealand: 0800543354; http://www.lifeline.org.nz/

    UK: 08457909090; https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx

    Netherlands: 0900-0113; https://www.113.nl/

    Germany: (24/7) 08001110111

    France: 09 72 39 40 50; https://www.sos-amitie.com/

    Italy: 06/33775675; http://www.prevenireilsuicidio.it/

    Norway: 116 123; http://www.mentalhelse.no/tjenester/hjelpetelefonen

    Sweden: 116 111; https://www.bris.se/

    Denmark: 70 201 201; https://www.livslinien.dk/

    Finland: 116 111; https://www.mll.fi/

    Spain: 902500002; http://telefonodelaesperanza.org/

    Russia: phone list http://www.oksanochka.com/003/001/045.shtml

    There are plenty of more help in your country and it is not hard to reach out for help. There are people care for you regardless of your situation or status. At least you can count on me when you need it. I might not be as active as I used to but I do not ignore PM even if it was something personal (for minor exceptions when people ask stupid questions that I don't bother with).

      Third, take ... meds. Yeah that sounds wayyyyy off. Like I don't have a disease or something. But believe me or not, medicine actually boosts your emotions. But of course not any random pill will work, you need to talk to a doctor for advice. But it does not totally gonna cure your depression. If you have a thicc mindset and keep thinking about it then you have taken the steps I shown wrong. No magic pills gonna work then.

      Some sources suggest that you stay away from harming objects such as knife, glass and locations such as balcony, rooftop so that you can not commit suicide. I think it is half true. I mean it all depends on your willpower. Don't just think, do it. You can.

      Life is full of mysteries and bumps, you can stumble and fall, but the important thing is you know you can always stand up, recover, shrug it off and continue walking with your head high looking at the bright future lies ahead of you. Life might be unfair, full of crap, but always remember that there are people around you who care for you, even if you don't know them. Life will be forgiving if you try. Be courage, take steps and stay optimist. 


    The glass is not half empty of water, it is vodka.


    "Your life is still yours, and we can get through this together... let me help." - Max Caulfield to Kate Marsh in Life is Strange

    "You’ve got mountains of your own, I’ll bet on it. Take heart. Be encouraged. Remain steadfast. Hang on for dear life. You’ve got a better grip than you realize." - Adam Young