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Nowak

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  • Content Count

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  1. Like
    Nowak got a reaction from Mewosaur for a blog entry, I've had enough.   
    So I tried streaming Pokémon XD today. Instead, I got probably two legitimate viewers, both of whom were my friends, and then the rest were posting shit like a true story that 100% happened and dank maymays.
     
    I'm sorry, but I'm not doing something for zero feedback. That just isn't worth it for me. If you want to say dank maymays like "ILL NOSKOP UR MOM IN BED SKRUB XDDDDDDDDDDDDD", go to Call of Duty. Not my stream. I have a zero tolerance for bullshit, especially after this week, which was particularly rough on my mood.
     
    For those of you who don't know yet, I've been battling with depression. For a long time now, actually. I thought I was almost done with it, but nope, on Tuesday I had a depressive episode and had to step out of class for a bit. That's pretty bad, having depressive episodes in the middle of class. I don't know what exactly triggered my depression, but it's getting pretty bad again. I think I'm gonna take a break next quarter to allow myself to clear my head. I can't be having depressive episodes in the middle of class, I just can't...
     
    Last night was particularly hard on me. One of my best friends took out his anger on me without even realizing how much it was hurting me or how stupid he was being until later. We've made amends and are friends again, but that was the second time I broke into tears that day. As I said, this is bad.
     
    This is also what made me stop making videos on YouTube. I've tried for 9 years to be at least remotely successful on YouTube, and out of every video I've made, only one broke the 10k views mark. It no longer exists, and I didn't even put any effort into it, but that was the only time I got feedback on YouTube for my videos. Every other video I've made has failed to break 100 views, let alone get a single comment. After the Google+ "update", I disabled comments because people kept spamming their shitty Destiny montages on my videos, even though I was pretty critical of that game. That surely means I want to watch it, right? Ha... haheh... hah... no.
     
    My point is, I'm not doing something for zero feedback. That just isn't worth it to me. I'm sure there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and I will finally break the cycle, become somewhat successful online and live a good, happy life, but until then I've yet to find my way.
  2. Like
    Nowak got a reaction from Yummychickenblue for a blog entry, I've had enough.   
    So I tried streaming Pokémon XD today. Instead, I got probably two legitimate viewers, both of whom were my friends, and then the rest were posting shit like a true story that 100% happened and dank maymays.
     
    I'm sorry, but I'm not doing something for zero feedback. That just isn't worth it for me. If you want to say dank maymays like "ILL NOSKOP UR MOM IN BED SKRUB XDDDDDDDDDDDDD", go to Call of Duty. Not my stream. I have a zero tolerance for bullshit, especially after this week, which was particularly rough on my mood.
     
    For those of you who don't know yet, I've been battling with depression. For a long time now, actually. I thought I was almost done with it, but nope, on Tuesday I had a depressive episode and had to step out of class for a bit. That's pretty bad, having depressive episodes in the middle of class. I don't know what exactly triggered my depression, but it's getting pretty bad again. I think I'm gonna take a break next quarter to allow myself to clear my head. I can't be having depressive episodes in the middle of class, I just can't...
     
    Last night was particularly hard on me. One of my best friends took out his anger on me without even realizing how much it was hurting me or how stupid he was being until later. We've made amends and are friends again, but that was the second time I broke into tears that day. As I said, this is bad.
     
    This is also what made me stop making videos on YouTube. I've tried for 9 years to be at least remotely successful on YouTube, and out of every video I've made, only one broke the 10k views mark. It no longer exists, and I didn't even put any effort into it, but that was the only time I got feedback on YouTube for my videos. Every other video I've made has failed to break 100 views, let alone get a single comment. After the Google+ "update", I disabled comments because people kept spamming their shitty Destiny montages on my videos, even though I was pretty critical of that game. That surely means I want to watch it, right? Ha... haheh... hah... no.
     
    My point is, I'm not doing something for zero feedback. That just isn't worth it to me. I'm sure there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and I will finally break the cycle, become somewhat successful online and live a good, happy life, but until then I've yet to find my way.
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