Should I kill myself?

[themctipers]

2 hours ago, mrchow19910319 said:

Keep doing these two things. That is good enough. Just keep doing it every day. 

If you can enjoy yourself, nothing else is important. 

 

I picked up coding and exercising (jogging) and thats all I do. 

yup. Pretty much the only thing for me to delay suicidal thoughts would be to distract yourself from life

 

its quite annoying as I have nothing to do, and I don't have any motivation to do anything. 

1 hour ago, aisle9 said:

Give it a few years. It gets better.

keep fucking saying that ,,,

 

[wasab]

To be honest, all life ends. By committing suicide, one is just ending it sooner. It really goes against the sense of self preservation all living beings share. 

[themctipers]

1 minute ago, wasab said:

To be honest, all life ends. By committing suicide, one is just ending it sooner. It really goes against the sense of self preservation all living beings share. 

It also goes against most people' morale and the act is illegal pretty much everywhere and they'll try to prevent it 

 

Wish they didn't have a say in my life. 

[DanielMDA]

10 hours ago, Slyex said:

I hate my life so much I can't even be happy anymore. I'm less than 16 years old and I feel this way. I don't want to do anything anymore, I just want my life to be over, I don't want to exist. I keep on having suicidal thoughts every day and I can't help them, I've never tried killing myself but I might. My life hasn't made me feel this was, nothing has really. I just started feeling really depressed a couple of months ago, this was when I never looked forward to anything. I feel like this now, it's just pain to live. Every part of me hurts and I don't know why I just want to end my life, but I don't know if I should. I've had so many thoughts every day about suicide, it's what I think about most. First I thought about running away from home to kill myself so nobody would ever know where I was. Then I started thinking about poisoning myself or overdosing on sleeping pills. Then I started thinking about leaping to death from the top of a multi-level car park in the city or jumping off of the harbor bridge. I can just imagine myself doing this at this instant, I don't know why. Any advise would help me decide over what I should do, bye for now, I'll be reading responses.

Im 17, life is shit, Ive had the same thoughts, but it gets better sometimes, youll not be happy all the time, but there will be little times when life isnt shit, and youll feel better.

 

The most quick way is a SG to the head but it is messy and horrible to your family. High caliber handgun is next, but same thing. I had firends who committed suicide, they wrecked their families afterwards even if they didnt want to. DOnt do it because of you, dont do it becasue of your family, talk to someone, anyone. Your árents, a teacher youtrust, an old friend, or here, people willing to help. DM me if you need anything, im here for you, people were here for me.. : )

 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

Call here, if you want to:

 

1-800-273-8255

 

Or if you are in another place in the world, it will redirect you to your countries´services:

 

www.13reasonswhy.info

 

For information regarding your possible method and decision;

 

http://lostallhope.com/

 

Hope you get better. : )

 

Again, DM me if you need anything, or call to +5215585613224.

 

It´s the little details in life what matters, findo comfort in those.

[themctipers]

4 minutes ago, DanielMDA said:

Im 17, life is shit, Ive had the same thoughts, but it gets better sometimes, youll not be happy all the time, but there will be little times when life isnt shit, and youll feel better.

 

The most quick way is a SG to the head but it is messy and horrible to your family. High caliber handgun is next, but same thing. I had firends who committed suicide, they wrecked their families afterwards even if they didnt want to. DOnt do it because of you, dont do it becasue of your family, talk to someone, anyone. Your árents, a teacher youtrust, an old friend, or here, people willing to help. DM me if you need anything, im here for you, people were here for me.. : )

 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

Call here, if you want to:

 

1-800-273-8255

 

Or if you are in another place in the world, it will redirect you to your countries´services:

 

www.13reasonswhy.info

 

For information regarding your possible method and decision;

 

http://lostallhope.com/

 

Hope you get better. : )

 

Again, DM me if you need anything, or call to +5215585613224.

 

Just remember to not say anything that'll lead to the other person on the line believing that you are about to do harm to someone or yourself

 

 

because the police will come. ANd it ain't  fun. Especially in America. 

[Anghammarad]

8 hours ago, Slyex said:

Why would I care about what I have achieved when nothing even matters

This is where your way of thinking takes the wrong detour.

 

Every other human you interacted with in your life, and due to that placed kindness, joy or happiness in those, that matters. It matters more than you think.

 

Just to talk a little out of my experiences and what I thought, did and went through, and where it brought me today... 

 

As many children in these days live through, a broken up family... money issues, alcohol, a part of the parents abuse the other, being witness of that every time, then getting send of to the granny, where life was whole, later going back and all over again the same mess after some time... divorce, stepfather, and all goes round again... being older then I was able to go outside even late, when the shit hits the fan at home... but then my little brother got born... and due to when it was abusing and violence time, someone needed to be there for him. My parents weren't, so I picked up that part. 

While all this happened I switched through 7 different schools, every time needing to make new friends, or foes, trying to get into a group which was together since they joined that school... it wasn't easy and even from one time on, I didn't care at all to fit in... I was just myself. 

 

Then due to needing to raise my little brother I even often needed to stay away from school. Then again money issues, due to gambling addiction of the stepfather, alcohol and meds on mom, we even got evicted once. I was alone at home with my little brother, both parents nowhere to be seen. I needed to empty our home, and keep an eye on my little brother... 

 

I often thought to end it, I often tried several times... but I never succeded, no matter what I did. So I kept going and suffering... when I got to adult age (18 around here) my parents took my little brother and fled the country... leaving me behind. Then due some police and court officers I found out that I had about 500.000 DM (about 250k €) debt, that my stepfather made without me knowing, forging documents, signatures, stopping the mail man and get the mail from him so he could throw away the mail that would hint to that. And I couldn't do a thing due to our law stating if you don't appeal within 2 weeks of notice, your guilty of the debt and can't appeal anymore.

 

So starting work I had a really bright glowing future full of joy in front of me.

 

Well in all that time I achieved some little things. 

 

Was a well known member in the dial up bbs scene, was a gfx artist for some computer groups then, even got my own comic figure as thank you in a web comic, got an article release in a computer magazin, got a good reputation in my job... 

 

And what I always feared, was being damned to live forever. Imagening at some time forever being lonely. But due to the suicide attempts, and even getting hit by a car with just getting a little bruise and the car was bent a little... What would go through your mind?

 

Later after a bad relationship and broke up, I switched of all my emotions. I felt nothing anymore. I went through life as a zombie. Well nothing did bother me anymore, nothing touched my heart. But I wasn't alive. I was a dead men walking, my soul slowly dying due to that cold inside of me. 

 

Then I got to know my wife. For her I fired up my emotions again, SHE was my reason to live, to carry on, no matter what comes in my way. She gave me the strength to carry on. Paying off all the debt, and starting kind of over at nearly end of 30. While being with her, I started to fear dying. Because I would leave her behind, nowhere to go, leave her with nothing. 

 

The time our relationship manifested, she was very sick. Her back was damaged, due to that she couldn't sleep for longer than 2 hours straight without getting up in sever pain so she could only breath really shallow, due to that she was in a depressive state of mind, but she felt my heart and deemed I was a good one, a keeper. I learned a lot from her. Real values, you can't measure with money. She straightened me out =) 

 

We had really rough times, not relationship wise, but just to make a living, carry on. I always had her in my mind and thoughts, how to get her back to health, that without putting pressure onto her that would make it all worse than it was. And so on. 

 

Then 15th of april 2016 she died. And left me behind. I lost the will to live. I completely went to auto pilot, devastated. 

 

Now nearly 2 years later, I'm on my way back onto the rails of life. 

 

The things I learned in those times... there are small wonders everywhere, you just need to keep your eyes open. Kindness and a smile cost you nothing, but will carry on through the world when given and brighten the days of people who receive those. This world, no matter how broken or sick it is, is still a wonderful and beautiful place. Not all people are bad, most just carry a facade of badness to protect them selves from getting harmed. And even without a big ass fund behind you, you can do a lot of good in life to others, which sometimes get forwarded later to others that need help. 

 

I know now, that we all get a best before date imprinted on our soul, our lifes battery inside of us. When this date comes, no matter who healthy you are, no matter how old, no matter how sad or happy, the time is up. So even trying to end it won't do anything, if you time hasn't come. I will only make you suffer more due to the damage you do onto yourself, because it was not your time to leave. So I carry on. Try to be a good person, not drifting back into old habits and use my given time here to try and help.

 

To end this post, I'm currently again completely without emotions. This time it wasn't done on purpose by me, it just happened slowly a few weeks ago. But there is a difference. Earlier, I was completely cold inside. Now I feel like being cuddled in a blanket. I still know the emotions I should feel in my head, but I don't feel them anymore. That makes me curious where that came from and for what I got it. Well I'll tell when I find out.

 

Stay alive, stay emotionally alive, stay curious, stay with open eyes and a open mind, never stop learning or trying to become a better you, embrace all you have, be thankful to be you and all parts that make you yourself, keep a humorous view on everything. 

 

Life isn't always good, but it has quite some glory moments, as well as dramas. But over all it is a ride I never want to miss.

 

 

Yours

Ang

[DanielMDA]

2 minutes ago, themctipers said:

Just remember to not say anything that'll lead to the other person on the line believing that you are about to do harm to someone or yourself

 

 

because the police will come. ANd it ain't  fun. Especially in America. 

Im, Mexican and my only intention is to helpp, I had thouse thoughts not so long ago, when I was barely 16 (now Im  nearly 18), my only intention is to help.

 

People helped me, I need to pass it forward.

[themctipers]

2 minutes ago, DanielMDA said:

Im, Mexican and my only intention is to helpp, I had thouse thoughts not so long ago, when I was barely 16 (now Im  nearly 18), my only intention is to help.

 

People helped me, I need to pass it forward.

Yup

 

just as a warning. Rather not have more people have that experience 

[DanielMDA]

11 minutes ago, themctipers said:

Yup

 

just as a warning. Rather not have more people have that experience 

What does that mean? Sorry, English isnt my first language. All the sites I cited are help lines or information.

[themctipers]

Just now, DanielMDA said:

What does that mean? Sorry, English isnt my first language. All the sites I cited are help lines or information on suicide with a negative connotation, creating remorse.

I've had what people would consider a close friend try to kill herself but she was stupid and told someone her intentions and well the police arrived. Not fun for her, she doesn't talk to that 'friend' anymore. 

 

 

[DanielMDA]

7 minutes ago, themctipers said:

I've had what people would consider a close friend try to kill herself but she was stupid and told someone her intentions and well the police arrived. Not fun for her, she doesn't talk to that 'friend' anymore. 

 

 

Well, Im not that kind of person, Im in Mexico, no way to contact NZ authorities, Ive actually has those thoughts, I mnow that helplessness firsthand, thaty pile of shit that the world can be and Im trying to help someone who is feeling that way. So please, dont get defensive, I know your intentions arent bad, but you emmanate an attitude of obstruction. Im only trying to help. We all need to help this kid.

 

Regarding tech, whats the difference between a WD Blue/Black Drive and a Gold?

[themctipers]

15 minutes ago, DanielMDA said:

Well, Im not that kind of person, Im in Mexico, no way to contact NZ authorities, Ive actually has those thoughts, I mnow that helplessness firsthand, thaty pile of shit that the world can be and Im trying to help someone who is feeling that way. So please, dont get defensive, I know your intentions arent bad, but you emmanate an attitude of obstruction. Im only trying to help. We all need to help this kid.

 

Regarding tech, whats the difference between a WD Blue/Black Drive and a Gold?

well some people are idiots. 

 

Blue is good until 1TB where it goes from 7200rpm to 5400rpm in 2TB. Pretty much your mainstream standard drive. 

 

Black is performance. Main difference is 7200rpm even after 2TB. 

 

Gold is reliability and performance I guess, I just have gold because 7200rpm and cheaper than black. 

^ it runs HOT and is somewhat noisy, and has scary clicks, especially during startup. 

New Recording 26-1.m4a

[DanielMDA]

1 minute ago, themctipers said:

well some people are idiots. 

 

Blue is good until 1TB where it goes from 7200rpm to 5400rpm in 2TB. Pretty much your mainstream standard drive. 

 

Black is performance. Main difference is 7200rpm even after 2TB. 

 

Gold is reliability and performance I guess, I just have gold because 7200rpm and cheaper than black. 

^ it runs HOT and is somewhat noisy, and has scary clicks, especially during startup. 

New Recording 26-1.m4a

How HOT is HOT for an HDD?

[themctipers]

1 minute ago, DanielMDA said:

How HOT is HOT for an HDD?

I'd say above 35c would be quite hot for a HDD, mine is rated up to 50/60c and it idles at 45c. 

Cooler is better for longevity for HDDs and SSDs. 

[DanielMDA]

2 minutes ago, themctipers said:

I'd say above 35c would be quite hot for a HDD, mine is rated up to 50/60c and it idles at 45c. 

Cooler is better for longevity for HDDs and SSDs. 

How can you cool an HDD?

 

PS: I think the new WD Blues are all 7200RPM, they were updated in 2016.

[Dash Lambda]

Less than 16? Killing yourself now would be like building a new computer, pressing the power button, then unplugging it before it even POSTs and declaring it such a complete failure that the only feasible course of action is to throw it away and never touch a computer again.

There's a Churchill quote I quite like: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

 

@themctipers, I agree that a lot of the ways people approach suicide are rather insufferable and monotonous, but I do question your attitude. You seem angrily nihilistic.

 

6 minutes ago, themctipers said:

Cooler is better for longevity for HDDs and SSDs. 

To a point. SSDs are less sensitive than mechanical drives, but all of them have certain bands of operating temperature. Cold can be just as bad as warm.
The general consensus is that 30-40 degrees is good for HDDs. Here's a good study that I found a while ago.

 

14 minutes ago, DanielMDA said:

How can you cool an HDD?

Have a fan blow over it. There are water cooling blocks for storage, but they're really pointless, sometimes even detrimental to performance and/or service life.

[themctipers]

14 minutes ago, Dash Lambda said:

Less than 16? Killing yourself now would be like building a new computer, pressing the power button, then unplugging it before it even POSTs and declaring it such a complete failure that the only feasible course of action is to throw it away and never touch a computer again.

There's a Churchill quote I quite like: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

 

@themctipers, I agree that a lot of the ways people approach suicide are rather insufferable and monotonous, but I do question your attitude. You seem angrily nihilistic.

 

To a point. SSDs are less sensitive than mechanical drives, but all of them have certain bands of operating temperature. Cold can be just as bad as warm.
The general consensus is that 30-40 degrees is good for HDDs. Here's a good study that I found a while ago.

 

Have a fan blow over it. There are water cooling blocks for storage, but they're really pointless, sometimes even detrimental to performance and/or service life.

I am. 

[Howitz]

Just don't do it, if you must, get a job in a small town somewhere away from everyone you know, don't care about their judgement, get an apart, get new friends, do some activities in your off time, you'll meet new friends, have good time, give it a try.

[themctipers]

6 minutes ago, Howitz said:

Just don't do it, if you must, get a job in a small town somewhere away from everyone you know, don't care about their judgement, get an apart, get new friends, do some activities in your off time, you'll meet new friends, have good time, give it a try.

>13

[Howitz]

40 minutes ago, themctipers said:

>13

Oh, sorry i read he was 16, anyways, he should wait a few years and do what i said, and hopefully live many many more years happy.

 

Would you live a few crappy years and die or go trought a few crappy years and then find happiness for a long time?

 

Be outgoing, reach towards and try new things. Force yourself doing this. It will pay off more than just doing nothing i can assure you.

 

If you are going to kill yourself then try new "stuff" that could reward you $$$ and are not necessarily legal, then buy a jetski, have you ever seen someone sad on a jetski?

[themctipers]

12 minutes ago, Howitz said:

Oh, sorry i read he was 16, anyways, he should wait a few years and do what i said, and hopefully live many many more years happy.

 

Would you live a few crappy years and die or go trought a few crappy years and then find happiness for a long time?

 

Be outgoing, reach towards and try new things. Force yourself doing this. It will pay off more than just doing nothing i can assure you.

 

If you are going to kill yourself then try new "stuff" that could reward you $$$ and are not necessarily legal, then buy a jetski, have you ever seen someone sad on a jetski?

happiness is not certain. id rather live for 1 more crappy minute and die than go through 4 more years of school, then potentially 4 more years of uni, to maybe get a job that i may not hate, and then maybe it'll be slightly less shittier than what i have now

it can always go down but it isn't guaranteed to go up is what im saying

 

ive forced myself to talk to people and just do shit that i am interested in doing / getting off of my chest and well, now im here, still back at square -39, worse off than what i had before.