Your Experience with Depression and Anxiety?

[PhantomJaguarr]

Depression is one spectrum of my disorder, Bipolar 1. The cycle is feeling happy/manic, feeling nothing like a robot, to severe depression. And it starts all over again in that order. Recently, I had to up my dose on my mood stabilizer because of increased stress. Besides the medication, what also helps me is exercise, eating healthy, and being social. Be around people. I was no social butterfly before my diagnosis but now I am one. Being alone adds more stress that I don't need. Having sponsors and accountability partners are critical for me, too.

[Tcrumpen]

Trying to explain depression to someone who hasn't suffered from it is rather hard; you know those days where you feel down; imagine that almost everyday and feeling 'meh' about everything

 

There is also a self destructive element to it (not referring to suicide here)

[SlipperyPete]

19 minutes ago, Tcrumpen said:

There is also a self destructive element to it (not referring to suicide here)

this encompasses 99% of my symptoms

[0b3rp3d0]

What I think helps me is that I found a friend and that experienced the same like me.
..okay it was more like this: 
So a few weeks after the abortion I was first really releaved but then one day my friend and I sit in class and there comes up a discussion about beeing by stupid coincedence a dad. And there we sit and he looks back to me with a big smile and says: "Triggered?" 
I smiled back and sad yup man but I'm glad it's over now.. So the same day at around 8pm he texted me like that: 
Dude? ..he said.
I said: yes.?

He said: remember what happend today in class? 
I said: yes I do, what's wrong? 
He said: Dude, I'm a fuck*n dad now too.
Turned out he was on a party too drunk and then had s*x with a girl. She got pregnant..
We lived toghether trough the same shit again but we both helped each other and talked about everything. That really helped us both. 
Little side note: They aborted the baby too, in the end we're both still teenagers..


What I have dicovered is that when I'm around my friends they feel like family to me, we all we experienced the shit like no other. And we all lived together through it and even if it meants to get your friend in the middle in the night from somewhere because he ran away from home.
I just love to be around my friends, they really can give me hope.

[Crunchy Dragon]

14 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

I just love to be around my friends, they really can give me hope.

I agree with this, sometimes if I'm feeling down I'll just text a friend and talk to them about everything happening and they'll make me feel better.

 

We all lift each other up and keep each other going.

[0b3rp3d0]

23 minutes ago, Crunchy Dragon said:

I agree with this, sometimes if I'm feeling down I'll just text a friend and talk to them about everything happening and they'll make me feel better.

 

We all lift each other up and keep each other going.

So I know seriously that I wouldn't do suicide. And even sometimes if I want(ed) to. If I wouldn't have my friends I would be pretty fucked and would probably take drugs all day and smoke weed and eat mushrooms. But like a poster already said, I grew up and I was told to never show my feelings and that I should be a strong man,.. I mean how ironic is this? I could never forget what happend and just act like nothing happend.

[Anghammarad]

3 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

So I know seriously that I wouldn't do suicide. And even sometimes if I want(ed) to. If I wouldn't have my friends I would be pretty fucked and would probably take drugs all day and smoke weed and eat mushrooms. But like a poster already said, I grew up and I was told to never show my feelings and that I should be a strong man,.. I mean how ironic is this? I could never forget what happend and just act like nothing happend.

Being strong isn't shoving emotions and feelings away. That is self destruction. 

 

Look around to all those who life like that, most are broken. The fuse is set, and the right trigger brakes them. 

 

Living with emotions and feelings, stand to them and don't feel bad when you can't function 100% 24/7, that is being strong. Living that and not pretending to be a robot or like Bones would say "green blooded hobgoblin (Mr. Spock). Not hiding behind a false facade but always be yourself. 

 

To drugs and alcohol, they aren't the solution, they fix you for a certain amount, then drag you deeper. 

 

There is a difference between being strong, or being hard. Hard will brake, strong will hold. Shutting down feelings and emotions, not listening to what your body tells you is being hard, so the brake down is predestined. Some brake earlier, some later, some even only on their deathbed. But then they didn't really live. Living is having emotions, having feelings, show them if needed, not hide them, being honest to oneself and others, never pretend. 

 

For example a strong man will keep it together while fighting a fire, after he is done he will sit down and have a cry, because he feels with the victims of the fire. A hard man fights the fire, and later kills the sadness inside with alcohol to drown the emotions, but they are shoved down, and some day the box is so stuffed, it explodes => mental meltdown.

 

For Music... what is helping me is harmonic music like form In the Nursery, parts of the Albums "Anatomy of a Poet" and "Groundloop" I think the lyrics from Groundloop are sad but true... Even though the music itself is just beautiful. I can listen to the titel "bombed" for hours without end... not the album version though, there is a special Sampler version without the woman singing. The song is calming, strengthening, lets you open yourself up... it's all rolled up into one. But only if there is no singing... that is important, the womans voice destroys that somehow. 

[Mug]

On 10/1/2017 at 12:38 AM, Teddy07 said:

I don't get how people can have no energy and be tired. This allegedly prevents them from working. Just sleep enough and make sport.

Sometimes, no matter how much sleep you get, you still feel the same. Often people with depression sleep too much which is a contributory factor.

 

 

9 hours ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Some time ago (about 4 Months ago) my girlfriend got pregnant and we decided to have an abortion. (There where several reasons for that) 

There's no solution to your feelings really, it's one of those things that time will heal. Abortion can be incredibly traumatising for everyone involved but you need to make peace with the fact that you made the right decision and your girlfriend's there for you if ever you need help.

 

-----

I also have depression and anxiety. I'd never really admit to much in real life but it's there and it's a bitch. It's not caused by anything (that I know of) and I haven't told my parents, my partner, most of my friends.

 

I go from high highs to low lows. The other night I was visiting my friend and I literally danced all night, had a great time. We arrived in the club at around 22:30 and I danced until close. Next day, I was out with another one of my friends in a different city and I just didn't have the energy because I felt super low, then when I came back had shit sex the next day - just couldn't be arsed to put the effort in really. It can go from having the best day of my life one day to feeling really lonely, really insecure, tired and sad the next. It was my mate's birthday yesterday, went for a meal, went drinking, didn't finish the night out with them because I felt so shite. Today it was a similar story, went to get work done, had to go home because I couldn't get anything done.

 

As for the anxiety, it's not really present 80% of the time. I struggle entering group conversations though and I'm always anxious cuddling in bed; my partner often comments how fast my heart rate is but I just say I've just had a coffee. It can affect everything about sex, from getting it up to shaking and sweating and therefore I rarely enjoy sex. Tried medication but that just makes sex worse and doesn't really change the depression. There was a period a couple of months ago when I'd just broken up with someone and i got really paranoid and really anxious all the time. That wasn't great, you don't truly get paranoia until you've had it and then (despite knowing it's all in your head) every little thing seems huge and shit gets all too real. You feel like everyone hates you and you want to just run away to make it ok.

 

I go through suicidal thought periods occasionally, where I'll think about suicide seriously couple times a day. At the moment, it's probably only once a week. It's not too bad though, I'll never actually do it, I reckon it's really selfish to commit suicide. I also think self-harm is really short sighted, you're stuck with those scars all your life so it's not worth it, it just makes you feel more shit.

[0b3rp3d0]

It's 100% true but I feel no emotions. In 14 days is my birthday and I almost forgot it. I said to everyone in my family that I wouldn't make a "birthday party" at all. My mom doesn't understand why. And to be honest: I hate my family and I distance myself from them. 

For music I listen to: Obstacles by Syd Matters (Life is Strange Soundtrack)

Sometimes I "fake" emotions, being happy or lough about things I don't like or understand. But that's life I guess.. 
You know.. when I first went to the doc I hoped that I just get some pills and that's the thing but it turned out just talking to a strange person you dont know about your problem doesn't feel so right. (She doesn't gave me any)
I'm the type of person that can help another person more than myself. 

9 minutes ago, Anghammarad said:

Being strong isn't shoving emotions and feelings away. That is self destruction. 

 

Look around to all those who life like that, most are broken. The fuse is set, and the right trigger brakes them. 

 

Living with emotions and feelings, stand to them and don't feel bad when you can't function 100% 24/7, that is being strong. Living that and not pretending to be a robot or like Bones would say "green blooded hobgoblin (Mr. Spock). Not hiding behind a false facade but always be yourself. 

 

To drugs and alcohol, they aren't the solution, they fix you for a certain amount, then drag you deeper. 

 

There is a difference between being strong, or being hard. Hard will brake, strong will hold. Shutting down feelings and emotions, not listening to what your body tells you is being hard, so the brake down is predestined. Some brake earlier, some later, some even only on their deathbed. But then they didn't really live. Living is having emotions, having feelings, show them if needed, not hide them, being honest to oneself and others, never pretend. 

 

For example a strong man will keep it together while fighting a fire, after he is done he will sit down and have a cry, because he feels with the victims of the fire. A hard man fights the fire, and later kills the sadness inside with alcohol to drown the emotions, but they are shoved down, and some day the box is so stuffed, it explodes => mental meltdown.

 

For Music... what is helping me is harmonic music like form In the Nursery, parts of the Albums "Anatomy of a Poet" and "Groundloop" I think the lyrics from Groundloop are sad but true... Even though the music itself is just beautiful. I can listen to the titel "bombed" for hours without end... not the album version though, there is a special Sampler version without the woman singing. The song is calming, strengthening, lets you open yourself up... it's all rolled up into one. But only if there is no singing... that is important, the womans voice destroys that somehow. 

[PhantomJaguarr]

Music helps me a lot, too. Without it, I usually get distracted easily, lose focus and interest in what I'm doing. I listen to music each time I do homework. Recently, I've been studying while listening to "Eulogy" - Kyle Dixton Michael Stein. From Stranger Things' soundtrack. Sometimes simple instrumental is more than enough.

[0b3rp3d0]

4 minutes ago, Mug said:

Sometimes, no matter how much sleep you get, you still feel the same. Often people with depression sleep too much which is a contributory factor.

 

 

There's no solution to your feelings really, it's one of those things that time will heal. Abortion can be incredibly traumatising for everyone involved but you need to make peace with the fact that you made the right decision and your girlfriend's there for you if ever you need help.

 

-----

I also have depression and anxiety. I'd never really admit to much in real life but it's there and it's a bitch. It's not caused by anything (that I know of) and I haven't told my parents, my partner, most of my friends.

 

I go from high highs to low lows. The other night I was visiting my friend and I literally danced all night, had a great time. We arrived in the club at around 22:30 and I danced until close. Next day, I was out with another one of my friends in a different city and I just didn't have the energy. Felt super low, then when I came back had shit sex the next day, just couldn't be arsed to put the effort in really. It can go from having the best day of my life one day to feeling really lonely, really insecure, tired and sad the next. It was my mate's birthday yesterday, went for a meal, went drinking, didn't finish the night out with them because I felt so shite. Today it was a similar story, went to get work done, had to go home because I couldn't get anything done.

 

As for the anxiety, it's not really present 80% of the time. I struggle entering group conversations though and I'm always anxious cuddling in bed; my partner often comments how fast my heart rate is but I just say I've just had a coffee. It can affect everything about sex, from getting it up to shaking and sweating. Nevertheless, I rarely enjoy sex because of it. Tried medication but that just makes sex worse and doesn't really change the depression. There was a period a couple of months ago when I'd just broken up with someone and i got really paranoid and really anxious all the time.

 

I go through suicidal thought periods occasionally, where I'll think about suicide seriously couple times a day. At the moment, it's probably only once a week. It's not too bad though, I'll never actually do it, I reckon it's really selfish to commit suicide. I think self-harm is really short sighted, you're stuck with those scars all your life so it's not worth it, it just makes you feel more shit.

I noticed the same with enjoying sexual and relationship things. Sometimes my girlfriend just want to kiss me but I don't really want to. I don't enjoy sex so much not because it's bad it's just that I feel very strange and unpleasant. 
And I really thought about suicide but I thought to myself that it wouldn't make much of a difference. My girlfriend wouldn't get over it and my parents wouldn't understand anything because they know me as the "shy" boy that doesn't want to go to family meetings. 
For example: My girlfriend loves it when I sleep with her the night in her bed and when she can cuddle with me. But in the last time I sleep like shit and mostly awake while she sleeps. I told her that but she doesn't understand it. I told her that I wan't to sleep @ home for a while but even then she has no insight. 
She doesn't care if I sleep like shit, she's just happy to sleep on my chest. 

 

7 minutes ago, WhiteJaguar77 said:

Music helps me a lot, too. Without it, I usually get distracted easily, lose focus and interest in what I'm doing. I listen to music each time I do homework. Recently, I've been studying while listening to "Eulogy" - Kyle Dixton Michael Stein. From Stranger Things' soundtrack. Sometimes simple instrumental is more than enough.

Music can make me happy or just quiet and sad. 

[SlipperyPete]

1 hour ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

fuck*n

 

1 hour ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

s*x

 

no need to sensor yourself :3

also im very very happy that you found someone to talk to and confide in. real friends are hard to come by.

[SlipperyPete]

8 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

 she has no insight. 
She doesn't care if I sleep like shit, she's just happy to sleep on my chest. 

people who dont have it wont get it. its the unfortunate fact that depression isnt something that can be taught, it has to be experienced to be  understood

[0b3rp3d0]

1 minute ago, SlipperyPete said:

 

 

no need to sensor yourself :3

also im very very happy that you found someone to talk to and confide in. real friends are hard to come by.

I'm glad that I can talk so "freely" about this and that there are people that understand me. 

I dunno what to say, a very long story short:
Life is shit and feels empty and I should concider talking to another doc.
Not enjoying life at all but keep going.

[0b3rp3d0]

1 minute ago, SlipperyPete said:

people who dont have it wont get it. its the unfortunate fact that depression isnt something that can be taught, it has to be experienced to be  understood

Yeah that's true, and for me it feels very strange sometimes explaining to a person what I'm thinking or living through but the person never experienced the same way I did. (friends, teachers, girlfriend, parents etc.)

[PhantomJaguarr]

12 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Music can make me happy or just quiet and sad. 

Happens to me too from making me sad. Some songs are actually triggers to me. So I avoid certain genres at certain times. Depends on my mood. And that mood of mine is a roller coaster, unfortunately. 

[SlipperyPete]

3 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Not enjoying life at all but keep going.

it will get better, than worse again. than better. than worse.

as far as i can tell there is no end to this marathon...

 

[handymanshandle]

6 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

I noticed the same with enjoying sexual and relationship things. Sometimes my girlfriend just want to kiss me but I don't really want to. I don't enjoy sex so much not because it's bad it's just that I feel very strange and unpleasant. 
And I really thought about suicide but I thought to myself that it wouldn't make much of a difference. My girlfriend wouldn't get over it and my parents wouldn't understand anything because they know me as the "shy" boy that doesn't want to go to family meetings. 
For example: My girlfriend loves it when I sleep with her the night in her bed and when she can cuddle with me. But in the last time I sleep like shit and mostly awake while she sleeps. I told her that but she doesn't understand it. I told her that I wan't to sleep @ home for a while but even then she has no insight. 
She doesn't care if I sleep like shit, she's just happy to sleep on my chest. 

For me, I kinda think being able to chat with and play tf2 with the guy that I'm in a LDR (Long distance relationship) with is something that can cheer me up quite a bit. But I've identified three sources of what I'm presuming attributes to whatever it is I do experience and what probably is anxiety/depression.

 

• Back in 2010, my mom was in an emotionally abusive relationship and she was also cheated.
• Also, being that I am overweight my self image isn't the greatest.
• And my job is a source of a lot of stress as resources are very thin often during very busy periods and this comes down to call-ins, lack of extra help and scheduling discrepancies. But in fairness I have called in quite a few times in the nearly 1 year I've worked there. Quite a few of the call ins I've made were because the stress of being there was kinda climaxing to a point I couldn't tolerate.

 

But I think what will help me the most is losing that weight, and getting a better job but also moving down to be closer to the guy that I'm in an LDR with.

6 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Music can make me happy or just quiet and sad. 

Music tends to have quite the same effect on me depending on how strong my current mood is.

 

When I'm feeling down, I tend to listen to music that kinda reflects that but then it ends up making me feel better eventually sooooo.

[0b3rp3d0]

Just now, SlipperyPete said:

it will get better, than worse again. than better. than worse.

as far as i can tell there is no end to this marathon...

 

Haha, I don't see the end comming. It'll take a long time to "forget" about it even though I know I'll never forget it. 
You know what I wan't right now? I really want to get drunk with my friends. We had the best times together playing and drinking all night. Damn good memories of that time, but then my fucking brother (sometimes I want to kill him for that) came in the clique and got my best friends drug addicted, my best friend is seling weed now.. I mean what the fuck?! 
And yes sometimes I smoke too just to forget about the shit.

[0b3rp3d0]

7 minutes ago, wcreek said:

For me, I kinda think being able to chat with and play tf2 with the guy that I'm in a LDR (Long distance relationship) with is something that can cheer me up quite a bit. But I've identified three sources of what I'm presuming attributes to whatever it is I do experience and what probably is anxiety/depression.

 

• Back in 2010, my mom was in an emotionally abusive relationship and she was also cheated.
• Also, being that I am overweight my self image isn't the greatest.
• And my job is a source of a lot of stress as resources are very thin often during very busy periods and this comes down to call-ins, lack of extra help and scheduling discrepancies. But in fairness I have called in quite a few times in the nearly 1 year I've worked there. Quite a few of the call ins I've made were because the stress of being there was kinda climaxing to a point I couldn't tolerate.

 

But I think what will help me the most is losing that weight, and getting a better job but also moving down to be closer to the guy that I'm in an LDR with.

Music tends to have quite the same effect on me depending on how strong my current mood is.

 

When I'm feeling down, I tend to listen to music that kinda reflects that but then it ends up making me feel better eventually sooooo.

Damn bro I'm sorry to hear that but I'm glad it's over with your mom (the abusive relationship). Hope she got a better one now..

Don't blame yourself for beeing overweight doesn't have to be bad. If you don't want to be overweight just do something about it, and I'm sure your LDR will help you with this if you ask for help.

Maybe you should think of getting a job that fits you more (I think that's how you write this). Maybe a job that fits your needs and yeah I wish you luck with your LDR.

 

[handymanshandle]

9 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Damn bro I'm sorry to hear that but I'm glad it's over with your mom (the abusive relationship). Hope she got a better one now..

That was a long time ago lol, I think she made the same mistake by being in another emotionally abusive relationship back in like 2013 but that one didn't faze me as much because it didn't last as long and I was also was more detached then. Right now she's figuring out stuff herself. 

9 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Don't blame yourself for being overweight doesn't have to be bad. If you don't want to be overweight just do something about it, and I'm sure your LDR will help you with this if you ask for help.

Ah, well see it is a bad thing especially in my case because I've been that way for as long as I can remember and being that it is so hard on the heart to carry at that extra weight it really reduces my life expectancy which I don't know on one end it might attribute to at least my experience with what I believe to be depression/anxiety but it kinda feeds (insert a pun here?) into a cycle and being that also that he wants to lose weight himself although he doesn't need to lose nearly as much as I need to, to be considered healthy. But while I am still stuck up here in frosty Minnesota, I figure I can get a start on weight loss and then when I am moved down there in my own place, I do think that is something him and I can work on together but again I've got a lot more to burn off than he does, since he's way closer to his healthy weight than I am to mine. 

9 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Maybe you should think of getting a job that fits you more (I think that's how you write this). Maybe a job that fits your needs and yeah I wish you luck with your LDR.

Yeah I've considered it, but in part I'd taking a job knowing that I'm not even going to be there for a full year. With my first job, I was wanting to stay there for a full year but then I decided to give the place that I work at now a chance. And I can't say that I don't regret leaving McDonald's for a fairly popular local grocery chain as I have learned way more about myself and shit working as a/at (the) Cashier/Self Checkout lanes/Customer Service Desk and Customer Service Manager than I would've learned about being a grill cook making greasy food that really isn't good for you.

 

Yeah, I am really looking forward to being down there with him. I find myself getting to caught up in that thought actually that sometimes I get like super anxious about random crap.

 

I think what I might do is when I turn 18 in 2 months, 7 days is try to get my full drivers license as soon as possible because I've been able to get the full license since my birthday last year but I just never did enough driving and never did any more behind the wheel time with an instructor so. I mean as much as I really want to get a 2013/2014 Ford Fusion, it doesn't make a lot of sense financially so I might end up with a 2002-2008 Mazda6 or heck if I could find a Mazdaspeed6 from that era, I'd be cool with that too. I'd more so want one of the newer facelifted ones from like 2005-2008

[0b3rp3d0]

17 hours ago, wcreek said:

That was a long time ago lol, I think she made the same mistake by being in another emotionally abusive relationship back in like 2013 but that one didn't faze me as much because it didn't last as long and I was also was more detached then. Right now she's figuring out stuff herself. 

Ah, well see it is a bad thing especially in my case because I've been that way for as long as I can remember and being that it is so hard on the heart to carry at that extra weight it really reduces my life expectancy which I don't know on one end it might attribute to at least my experience with what I believe to be depression/anxiety but it kinda feeds (insert a pun here?) into a cycle and being that also that he wants to lose weight himself although he doesn't need to lose nearly as much as I need to, to be considered healthy. But while I am still stuck up here in frosty Minnesota, I figure I can get a start on weight loss and then when I am moved down there in my own place, I do think that is something him and I can work on together but again I've got a lot more to burn off than he does, since he's way closer to his healthy weight than I am to mine. 

Yeah I've considered it, but in part I'd taking a job knowing that I'm not even going to be there for a full year. With my first job, I was wanting to stay there for a full year but then I decided to give the place that I work at now a chance. And I can't say that I don't regret leaving McDonald's for a fairly popular local grocery chain as I have learned way more about myself and shit working as a/at (the) Cashier/Self Checkout lanes/Customer Service Desk and Customer Service Manager than I would've learned about being a grill cook making greasy food that really isn't good for you.

 

Yeah, I am really looking forward to being down there with him. I find myself getting to caught up in that thought actually that sometimes I get like super anxious about random crap.

 

I think what I might do is when I turn 18 in 2 months, 7 days is try to get my full drivers license as soon as possible because I've been able to get the full license since my birthday last year but I just never did enough driving and never did any more behind the wheel time with an instructor so. I mean as much as I really want to get a 2013/2014 Ford Fusion, it doesn't make a lot of sense financially so I might end up with a 2002-2008 Mazda6 or heck if I could find a Mazdaspeed6 from that era, I'd be cool with that too. I'd more so want one of the newer facelifted ones from like 2005-2008

It's good that you have some kind of plan of your future. 
There are a lot of people that have no actual plan of their future.

 

And I'm pretty confident that you and your LDR can make it if you only just want to.

[handymanshandle]

1 hour ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

It's good that you have some kind of plan of your future. 
There are a lot of people that have no actual plan of their future.

Oh yeah for sure, I just gotta work towards making those plans come to fruition. There's a chance that if I got my full license as soon as possible like shortly after I turn 18, I could apply to a job for a company my mom works at and she'd probably get like $600 and share half of it with me and I could make about $24,000/yr which I figure to do all the things I need to do to make those travel and moving plans happen I would need around $10,000. Which with my current job would be nearly impossible unless I was working way more. 

1 hour ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

\And I'm pretty confident that you and your LDR can make it if you only just want to.

I'm confident about him and I lasting too.

[SkyLinx]

On 11/7/2017 at 7:02 PM, WhiteJaguar77 said:

Depression is one spectrum of my disorder, Bipolar 1. The cycle is feeling happy/manic, feeling nothing like a robot, to severe depression. And it starts all over again in that order. Recently, I had to up my dose on my mood stabilizer because of increased stress. Besides the medication, what also helps me is exercise, eating healthy, and being social. Be around people. I was no social butterfly before my diagnosis but now I am one. Being alone adds more stress that I don't need. Having sponsors and accountability partners are critical for me, too.

Hi, I also was diagnosed with rapid cycling Bipolar 1 in 2012, have been in hospital several times and take medication (6 different meds at the moment, but we have tried soooo many). My life has been pretty shitty at times (suicidal etc), while when I've been manic it's been the opposite and I've done many things I am ashamed of...

 

Things are better now with the current medication and therapy also helps, but when I am down I just can't get out of the bed so I can't do exercise at all. Being social? OMG I am afraid of people most of the time... apart from when I am hypomanic/manic and, instead, I try all the time to be in the middle of attention in every situation. It sucks... I just wish I could be a "balanced" person all the time...

[0b3rp3d0]

58 minutes ago, wcreek said:

Oh yeah for sure, I just gotta work towards making those plans come to fruition. There's a chance that if I got my full license as soon as possible like shortly after I turn 18, I could apply to a job for a company my mom works at and she'd probably get like $600 and share half of it with me and I could make about $24,000/yr which I figure to do all the things I need to do to make those travel and moving plans happen I would need around $10,000. Which with my current job would be nearly impossible unless I was working way more. 

I'm confident about him and I lasting too.

That's nice, I wish you luck.


Soo.. today my girlfriend asked me (again) if I'd do with her something to her. I said no because I don't wanted to she didn't understand why. 
After a lot of patience I told her that she'd never understand how I think and what I'm living through and that the only thing she cares about is that I'm in her bed. 
After I texted her this she said:
 Oh sry, I understand now I'm so sorry. How can you still love me? 

And I answered: With a lot of patience..

I wish I had so much patience with my life.