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TVwazhere

Last night I served my father Divorce Paperwork [An Unfortunate Update]

The Unfortunate Update

So last Friday (my birthday) will be one I remember for the rest of my life. Not even a majority of the day, just the last two hours of the night because of the events that took place...

 

After coming home from dinner with my mother I decided to relax and play a few video game before bed as I usually do.  Around 10:30 I'm getting ready to go to bed and I hear my father talking to my mother. Recalling from my mother's testimony...

 

Dad: I need help

Mom: Well [name] What do you want me to do? I've gotten you AA, counseling, detox, anger management, taken your money, credit card wallet keys everything and given you only the mortgage to pay with all other expenses paid by me including food and gas and you cant even manage to not drink enough to pay that

Dad: So youre not going to help me?

Mom: I've been trying for years (decades to be exact) what else can I do?

Dad: Well then theres only one resolution to this

 

At this point he went back into his room and shut the door, with his light on. He never has his light on, ever. My mother, worried checks my fathers closet, and then runs to my room, where I'm about to get off, and tells me the story and confesses she thinks my father has the guns in his room. I didnt hear the exchange, but I personally did overhear the "I guess theres only one resolution to this" quote so I too was a bit concerned although not as much as my mother was. I decided to go to the bathroom, which was the room directly next to the bedroom my father was in. I get up after finishing and I have my hand on the flush handle when i hear the piercing sound of metal and plastic casing being loaded into a chamber.

 

As an Eagle scout, I've taken merit badges in both shotgun and rifle badges. At the age of 16 I went skeet shooting with my dad and helped him clean both shotguns. I KNEW exactly what that sound was, even after eight years of never even laying eyes on or hearing them. And for five seconds, there was dead silence. I'm talking absolute silence, completely immeasurable sound levels, the kind of sound void moments where you hear your own blood flow. I legitimately froze. For five seconds which felt like a year, I ran through everything in my head, trying to come up with something that could replicate that noise that wasnt what I knew deep down it was. The sound was so clear the wall might as well have not been there, I'm still shocked three days later how loud it was, just that single shell casing made. As i was trying to come to grips with what I was dealing with, the things that will probably stick with me the rest of my life happened. He loaded another. And another. And Another. Four total shots of 12 gauge I-dont-know-what. Slugs, buck shot, pellets, anything I'm not sure. He might have loaded more, I dont know, but at that point I flushed, and I walked out the bathroom door. My mother was already at the door of the house all but freaking out, she had heard it just as clear as I had, and she was two rooms away from where I was. SOMEHOW we calmly exited the house, got into the car, drove away about a block and called 911. Within ten minutes we had five marked police cars outside our development, by twenty minutes that number doubled, not including additional unmarked civilian, what I assume were off duty police officers and the investigator's car. We gave multiple statements to county sheriff's, state troopers and the investigator. My mother gave the police her phone to talk to my father, meanwhile I saw multiple officers walking back and forth IN FULL POLICE GEAR, the kind of shit you see swat teams get without the ballistic shield (Full chest plate, helmet, semi auto rifles, etc) We were escorted a few miles away where my mother gave a four page statement about everything leading up to and including tonight. Bu then it was past midnight, Saturday September 9th, and we were informed to go to a hotel and they would call us (my phone) when we could come back.

 

We got a call at about 1:30 am that my father had surrendered peacefully. After a three hour standoff, we were able to go home. We didnt even stay at the hotel an hour (the hotel guy was sympathetic and gave us a discount on the slightly used room) and we returned home. 90% of the cars had left, only one or two state trooper cars and the investigator and his boss's car remained. Myself, my mother, the investigator, what I assume was the state trooper's equivalent of the chief and his first commanding deputy (I really have no idea how it all works) all entered the house, sat down and discussed the vents. My father, incredibly drunk, hung up on the negotiator a few times before coming to his senses. The Lead trooper said the line that had managed to convince my father to maybe consider surrender was the fact that they were not going to charge him with anything. Which sounds ludicrous given everything, but hear me out. Technically, by the letter of the law and how the law is written, he didnt break any of them. He didnt point the gun at anyone, he never discharged, he never said directly and plainly "I'm going to kill you", so no hard evidence against him. HOWEVER, there's a lot of circumstantial evidence, evidence of previous instances of physical aggressive action that was a direct assault on my mother but nothing that left damage, a lot of surrounding evidence that by itself I dont think you could make a case out of, but all together accumulated I think, and the police seem to agree, that there is a chance he could still be charged with something and go to prison.

 

They asked about my father's "intent" when he said what he did and his intent when loading the shotgun. "Was it suicide, or did he think he was coming after you?" My mother and I agreed that it seemed like he was coming after her, but we weren't sure if it was to scare her or actually do something, although I told my mother "you dont load a shotgun to scare someone" with the concept being; if you only wanted to scare them, why would you put ammo in it, indoors of all things? In addition, I clarified " You dont put four + shots into a gun to commit suicide"... In my mind his motives were clear and his actions backed those up. How that would hold up in a court of law as "circumstantial evidence" I dont know.- When asked about my fathers whereabouts, they had taken him to a Hospital in upstate NY (which apparently doesnt even have a proper detox unit so why they brought him to that one I dont know)

Also, the police kicked my door in. That was fun to find.

Snapchat-1659349869.thumb.jpg.935a8a3379030a8faf1dda5d63723cbf.jpg

 

To be fair, my door was locked with an actual key (just installed two days before actually) to keep my father out, and as part of the search procedure, as the leader trooper said, "We dont let locked door's stop us" and I told him "As long as the only casualty tonight was a broken door, this was a good night" He even asked me if my "electronics were okay" referring to my few thousand dollar computer rig set up in my room, and yes, everything was perfectly fine. My battle station sits on the opposite end of the wall where the door is so it was not near any of the action going on in the rest of the house (the police didnt touch anything either, just a quick sweep). The police are recommending a order of protection (a restraining order) of which there are two kinds. We would be looking at the one that says he cant even come near us or try to contact us. Our concern is that kicking him out will make him become desperate and even more aggressive, but leaving and leaving him the house to live with before it's sold is also bad because he will just let the house fall down around him, making it unsellable (or at least we'd get less money from a flipper) so there is no good answer that doesnt have a major potential downside of it, all of which revolve around a variable that we cant control and cant rely on, only depend on the fact that he will be belligerent, uncooperative and probably drunk despite our attempts to help him. WE DO have a backup location, somewhere he unfortunately knows; his mothers house which currently sits unoccupied because she with with my uncle for care. Which, as my mother stated, "It's really sad that his family is on our side and that they would rather give us the house first before him"

 

He's still at the hospital but set to possibly be discharged today (my mothers birthday of all days). Neither of us want to pick him up (my mother alone in a car with him is not a good idea right now) he has no money for an uber/taxi, and we aernt even sure he should come home today. There is no easy answer, I'm not writing this looking for "What should I do" answers because even removing myself from the situation it's a hard call. This next week is going to decide a lot about my future, more than I ever could have possibly imagined it would have when I handed the divorce papers to my father a week ago. In hindsight, it could be worse. Not in the sense of "We could all be dead", I mean, nearly having a gun pointed at your mother by your drunken father doesnt get any worse, but in the scope of action and decision I have and impact I can make on our lives. Not everybody in similarly bad situations has the ability to make a real difference like I do, for example someone battling through cancer, or people losing their homes and their entire net worth to the hurricane. The situation has made me if anything sympathetic to people who go through similarly bad situations but have no course of action that can rectify it.

 

I'm not even sure how to end this wall of text anymore, so I'll just leave it like this:

 

Fuck

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Posted · Original PosterOP

My father was a great man. Was, not in the sense that he passed on, but in that it's hard for me to still say that whole heartedly... (skip to divider if history is too long)

He was known as the hard worker. The dedicated, committed handyman, prestigious engineer, personal family man, outstanding neighbor; great and kind to all. He grew up a baby boomer, his parents not having a whole lot but had more than enough to get by with three kids. He married my mother and together had two kids, myself being the eldest of three years. Together they built a family, a home they could call their own (he seriously hand built a big ass deck that wrapped around two big maple trees. It wash huge, his crowning jewel). Dad would work contracts every two years on various projects for an engineering firm, Mom would stay home and take care of the toddler and pre school dork. Even at one point when the contract was a two hour drive one way, Dad never wavered and sacrificed his time for the sake of his family. Any emotion was released constructively and peacefully through yard work, chores or some sort of manual labor. 

Right before my sixth birthday (which happens to be two days from now) he picked up a job near where we currently live in upstate NY. The last fifteen years my father put into his beloved lawn, garden and deck was suddenly turned to dust in the wind as he accepted a house he wasn't happy with neighbors he was less than thrilled about, and a job market that didn't favor him. My mother, now able to put my sister into a daycare/pre school, was able to take a job as an administrative assistant, and my dad climbed the corporate ladder, no longer a contractor. Life seemed to move on. As a six year old I did not see the grey clouds in my blue sky. Very few children have that foresight. As time passed, my Dad's job became more and more demanding, often having to take extended trips, first cross state, than country, then cross continent. The stress increased, and his go to's of garden labor and yard work weren't cutting it, in addition to his aging body; for he was not the spruce twenty something he used to be who could put in the hours he used to. And as many do in his situation, his turn to comfort was the bottle. 

 

As an Irish family, it wasn't uncommon to have an entire liquor cabinet stocked to the brim along with various "cheap" beers and a wine cellar. This being said, to this day no one else in my family has ever fallen down the spiral alcoholism. By the time I was thirteen I was starting to piece together things, how my father always seemed angry, how his personality seemed to change, how much my parents argued, more than they usually did and much louder. There has never been domestic abuse, let me be clear about that, but that doesn't mean we weren't disciplined when necessary. Still, as time passed I started to see the man I once saw as my role model, idol and leader, the man who patiently trudged along cub scouts and boy scouts with me turn to almost an obstacle I had to avoid around the house. It felt like anything could set him off, he almost always seemed to have a 12oz can in hand. He still did his yard work, garden and house projects, for example rebuilding the shed he had at the old house, but it was only a matter of time until something pushed him over the borderline...

In 2011, my dad got laid off. His nearly six figure manager job was gone, the financial rug ripped from beneath his feet. At 17, this didn't come as much of a surprise. He had started "taking his work home" in the form of a laptop, responding to emails and sleeping for hours during the day. He struggled, personally and with is marriage to keep it all together, spending the next three years, long after he should have stopped to try and find a job even half as good as he once had. During this time, my mother had to pick up the financial slack, which for her position in her company demanded all of her attention and with my sister attending a Poly-tech institute, money was very tight. Fortunately I was in college by then, and had two jobs so I was mostly self sufficient. In 2013, my Dad's father passed, which made his mental situation worse. He lost all motivation to do garden work, something his father had passed to him and something he tried to instill in us at a young age. The once prestigious engineer turned retail worker at a hardware store, the handyman turned to lazy man, the outstanding neighbor and personal family man turned to resident a-hole and toxic personality. His drinking spiraled out of control, at one point he went through an entire thirty pack of beer in a day and a half. 

Two years ago my family had an intervention. My sister, having moved onto college, loathes him entirely and wont speak with him at all. Everyone else was there, his two brothers, my mother, my mothers sister and myself. He went to AA, more than once, and a few different outpatient cents, never getting admired to inpatient which is where he really needed to be. My mother confided in my sister that if it wasn't for us kids she would have left him long ago. I honestly dont know why she didn't. She's by far the kindest, most forgiving person I've ever known, period. I personally have avoided my father for the last two years as much as possible, even in socially unacceptable ways like family events. He's never been arrested for DUI but I know for a fact he's driven under the influence but have no hard evidence. Threats of divorce have righted him a few times but lately even that wasn't working. He now is a leech; calling out of work every chance he gets, doing zero work around the house other than taking out the trash every two weeks. My mother discussed with me since I'm now the only other person that lives with both of them about divorce, and how she needed someone to serve him the papers. I volunteered. I was hoping the shock coming from me would actually put a dent in his stupid head that this is real, its over, that his life as he knew it was ending. Sunday she reconfirmed I was willing to do it. Last night, I served him the divorce paperwork...

 

Amongst all the negative things, I cant help but remember and wish for the man I knew as my father to come back. The man who taught me how to ride a bike, the man who helped me rise to the Rank of Eagle scout, the man who pushed me to pursue any dream and was committed to my personal goals and aspirations and never forced anything onto me,  the man who tearfully told me the tale of how when my parents were trying for kids, they found my dad had early stages of testicular cancer, and as a new born i showed signs of the same thing. And at the age of four, my dad had to be called into the operating room because i refused to breath in the gas to make me go to sleep, and so my dad had to come in and do it himself. He told me it was the hardest thing he had ever done. And up until a few years ago, I 100% believed him.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In a few months we will be moving out. I'll have to most likely be called into court if my dad tries to fight the divorce, which I give a low % chance given how unmotivated he is to even wipe his own ass half the time. I have the advantage of not having to go through this whole process as a kid and can both understand and separate myself from it and the events my parents are going through daily. Even still,i know the future will hold awkward thanksgivings and Christmases, my grandmothers funeral, my sisters graduation, eventual marriages, and every other event you can possibly think of. I know there are people out there who've gone through it, I'm definitely not alone in that, but if anyone has any tips for a soon to be Twenty Four year old who's watching his parents break apart, it would be much appreciated.

 

Thanks guys

-Tom


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wow. That's horrible dude. That has to be so tough. Do you have a "real life" friend who you trust and can talk to? that's something that always helps me when i'm going through something tough


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I am not a professional or anything so just a guess here. Obviously he is massively depressed. Depression can be treated, for that he needs professionals and/or medication against depression, also understanding from his loved ones. (though that's hard to do I reckon). If not he will spiral into depression further for sure.

 

Again, not a professional, just my best guess. I have never been depressed (except for small periods after a lot of mental trauma of course) so I wouldn't know. 

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Can't give any tips except that you need to be realistic with your expectation of where you will get in life and how your hard work will actually be viewed by others


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Posted · Original PosterOP
13 minutes ago, FuzzyYellow said:

wow. That's horrible dude. That has to be so tough. Do you have a "real life" friend who you trust and can talk to? that's something that always helps me when i'm going through something tough

I fortunately do have some IRL friends I can discuss with, but we havent gotten together yet (It only happened last night so) theyre aware of the disfucntion though

11 minutes ago, coolkingler1 said:

I am not a professional or anything so just a guess here. Obviously he is massively depressed. Depression can be treated, for that he needs professionals and/or medication against depression, also understanding from his loved ones. (though that's hard to do I reckon). If not he will spiral into depression further for sure.

 

Again, not a professional, just my best guess. I have never been depressed (except for small periods after a lot of mental trauma of course) so I wouldn't know. 

We have tried that, but we can only help him so much as he wished to be helped. For six years we've tried to help him get better. Lately he's lost all family support including his two brothers who want nothing to do with him at this point due to the way how he cant handle responsibility helping take care of his grandmother (and leaving it to the brother who had hip surgery who can barely move on his own to take care of here, my mother and other uncle who lives in Florida had to step up)

10 minutes ago, GSTARR said:

Can't give any tips except that you need to be realistic with your expectation of where you will get in life and how your hard work will actually be viewed by others

Nothing is black and white, set in stone, can only be looked at one way. I'm less worried about my own mental health and more about how this will affect him and what actions he will take in the future.


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Sadly no one can change his mindset except himself. However, I can relate very similarly to your situation and my best piece of advice is to always have hope for him. Be there, hang out, spend time together. Especially when it seems everyone else in your family has given up on him.

 

 

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Posted · Original PosterOP
8 minutes ago, NinJake said:

Sadly no one can change his mindset except himself. However, I can relate very similarly to your situation and my best piece of advice is to always have hope for him. Be there, hang out, spend time together. Especially when it seems everyone else in your family has given up on him.

I'm definitely his last contact with the family after this, no one else wants to even look at him at this point.


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1 hour ago, coolkingler1 said:

I am not a professional or anything so just a guess here. Obviously he is massively depressed. Depression can be treated, for that he needs professionals and/or medication against depression, also understanding from his loved ones. (though that's hard to do I reckon). If not he will spiral into depression further for sure.

 

Again, not a professional, just my best guess. I have never been depressed (except for small periods after a lot of mental trauma of course) so I wouldn't know. 

Since I do have a bit of experience myself on that one I have to say: you're missing one vital point. As long as the depressive person isn't fed up with their attitude and their condition themselves there's hardly any way out of it. Medication sure can help - a bit for a short amount of time. But that's about it. Sometimes you have to fall deep down the rabbit hole and hit the bottom hard in order for you to reach that point. Being too understanding as friends, family and relatives won't be of much help – just like offering help over and over and over again. The only thing you can do is listening when he or she wants to open up and talk. But there have to be consequences for bad and toxic behaviour no matter the medical condition. If they're an a-hole you can just tell them.

Therapy can only be successful when being accepted. For that patients need to actually recognize their need for help and at the same time accept that person to help them. You can't force that on anyone. 

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Some people have just got to hit rock bottom before they realize what's happening. Hopefully this divorce will clear his head. 

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to hit me up, sometimes talking to someone just helps. 


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2 hours ago, coolkingler1 said:

I am not a professional or anything so just a guess here. Obviously he is massively depressed. Depression can be treated, for that he needs professionals and/or medication against depression, also understanding from his loved ones. (though that's hard to do I reckon). If not he will spiral into depression further for sure.

 

Again, not a professional, just my best guess. I have never been depressed (except for small periods after a lot of mental trauma of course) so I wouldn't know. 

I second this, it's sounds like severe depression. Not the feeling a bit down and sorry for himself, that some call depression, this sounds like the genuine article. But as noted before unless he is willing to accept treatment for depression, there is very little you can do.  Is there anyone who can help him with day to day living once you and you mum move out? More importantly is there someone who can keep an eye on his mental state?

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Posted · Original PosterOP
2 hours ago, Monkey Dust said:

Is there anyone who can help him with day to day living once you and you mum move out? More importantly is there someone who can keep an eye on his mental state?

He will literally have no one, no where to go and no money to go anywhere. He will be lucky to get half of what the house was worth.

 

4 hours ago, bowrilla said:

But that's about it. Sometimes you have to fall deep down the rabbit hole and hit the bottom hard in order for you to reach that point.

My concern is not that his rock bottom will be his point where he makes a turn, its that hes either going to become violent, or suicide. Neither of which anyone wants, both for personal reasons nor do I want to be held accountable later for "not doing anything"

I just signed documents this afternoon solidifying that in fact I've served him the papers. He has 20 days to respond, and if he doesn't it's as if he said yes.


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I'm sorry to hear this, I had to deal with a somewhat similar situation at a much younger age.

 

There are no tips that can really be given in a situation like this.  Hopefully your father will get his shit together, although that seems unlikely.

 

Take care of yourself and your mother, and try to stay positive.  If you need someone to talk to, i'm all ears.

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7 hours ago, TVwazhere said:

Nothing is black and white, set in stone, can only be looked at one way. I'm less worried about my own mental health and more about how this will affect him and what actions he will take in the future.

Really?

Because it seems like life became pretty black and white for your father.

Perhaps what you're saying is you shouldn't let life become black and white. But still, that leads to the fact that your father probably never meant it to be that way, which is what lead to his anger/sadness at the fact.

 


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he made his bed, and now he gets to lay in it.  it sounds like he gave up a long time ago.

7 hours ago, TVwazhere said:

 nor do I want to be held accountable later for "not doing anything"

sorry, but this is bullshit.   you cant hold yourself accountable for anything that he does. and if you do, then you will be miserable for a very long time. its not fair to you, and its not fair to your memories of him.

 

 


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Posted · Original PosterOP
4 hours ago, Tsuki said:

sorry, but this is bullshit.   you cant hold yourself accountable for anything that he does. and if you do, then you will be miserable for a very long time. its not fair to you, and its not fair to your memories of him.

I'm less afraid of me holding myself accountable, and more the law holding me accountable. 


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Mate, this sounds and probably feels like a tough thing to go through. I wouldn't know because I am a cold person. I am calculated and always looks for reasons why something happened. Then I'll try and see if the reasons have to do with me (most of the time no as I don't get to involved, I mind my own business).

 

I have a similar drinking issue with my father. He had stroke, got into hospital, got better and right after the treatment finished he started drinking again. He is no violent physically but instead psychically to my mother as they are alone back in Romania (all the kids are spread through Europe, myself in the UK). But, if it comes to dying, and because of drinking, I'm not gonna show a tear for that, even though he helped me a lot so far.

 

As I said I am a cold person. Everything I do, bad or good for myself, I take responsibility. And that's how I see all the other persons around me. They are responsible for their actions and I give no f*cks if something wrong happens to them as long they decided to do that way.

 

 My advice, even though not quite in your situation, stay cold. Do remember your past father but only consider your present father. That being said do not invest anymore feelings into him as it will destroy you along with him already destroyed. He went that way, he is responsible, he has to deal with it.

 

Just a personal opinion not necessarily the best.


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Posted · Original PosterOP
3 minutes ago, r3loAded said:

Mate, this sounds and probably feels like a tough thing to go through. I wouldn't know because I am a cold person. I am calculated and always looks for reasons why something happened. Then I'll try and see if the reasons have to do with me (most of the time no as I don't get to involved, I mind my own business).

 

I have a similar drinking issue with my father. He had stroke, got into hospital, got better and right after the treatment finished he started drinking again. He is no violent physically but instead psychically to my mother as they are alone back in Romania (all the kids are spread through Europe, myself in the UK). But, if it comes to dying, and because of drinking, I'm not gonna show a tear for that, even though he helped me a lot so far.

 

As I said I am a cold person. Everything I do, bad or good for myself, I take responsibility. And that's how I see all the other persons around me. They are responsible for their actions and I give no f*cks if something wrong happens to them as long they decided to do that way.

 

 My advice, even though not quite in your situation, stay cold. Do remember your past father but only consider your present father. That being said do not invest anymore feelings into him as it will destroy you along with him already destroyed. He went that way, he is responsible, he has to deal with it.

 

Just a personal opinion not necessarily the best.

His drinking issue made me (at the age of 13) swear off drinking all together. If he's taught me anything in life, it's how fucked up drinking can get. And unfortunately, mentally and physically we share a lot in common, which is why I'm so afraid to even try alcohol, for the fear I might relish it's soothing embrace and plunge down the same hole he has.

I know I'm not my father, but it's almost scary how alike we are. We're both over analytical, know too much about random shit that doesnt matter, talk far too much (though I've tried to ease off this) we even have the same goddamn eyebrows.


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Posted · Original PosterOP

Last night I changed the door know for my room too one that requires a key. Not because I'm concerned he will try anything, but because for the last few months he has been taking small amounts of money to feed his addiction.


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1 minute ago, TVwazhere said:

I know I'm not my father, but it's almost scary how alike we are. We're both over analytical, know too much about random shit that doesnt matter, talk far too much (though I've tried to ease off this) we even have the same goddamn eyebrows.

That's genetics. Character and personality is not always passed father to child. And character and personality is at least 75% build by yourself once you get to understand what that means.


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Posted · Original PosterOP
1 minute ago, r3loAded said:

That's genetics. Character and personality is not always passed father to child. And character and personality is at least 75% build by yourself once you get to understand what that means.

I've definitely built my own personality and interests. We don't mesh with every personality trait, but it's that 25% that worries me. My sister nor my family has ever had a problem with alcohol before (and my uncle built himself a bar in his basement for crying out loud, off topic it's super cool)


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2 minutes ago, TVwazhere said:

His drinking issue made me (at the age of 13) swear off drinking all together. If he's taught me anything in life, it's how fucked up drinking can get. And unfortunately, mentally and physically we share a lot in common, which is why I'm so afraid to even try alcohol, for the fear I might relish it's soothing embrace and plunge down the same hole he has.

I know I'm not my father, but it's almost scary how alike we are. We're both over analytical, know too much about random shit that doesnt matter, talk far too much (though I've tried to ease off this) we even have the same goddamn eyebrows.

I may sound like a hypocrite (since I drink) but you are right, alcohol can ruin family, friendships, careers, and even lives.

 

Alcohol is used as a "mental bandage" a lot, but using it in such a way will only lead to ones self destruction.  If you ever do try alcohol, keep your father in mind, as long as you never forget him, you will never become like him.

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1 minute ago, TVwazhere said:

I've definitely built my own personality and interests

That's good and I support that.

 

2 minutes ago, TVwazhere said:

but it's that 25% that worries me

Stop thinking about that. Think about that is it does not exist, better don't even think about that. It's all about you. You are unique and live your life like that. You are the boss and labourer. You dictate and you execute how your life should go.


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11 minutes ago, r3loAded said:

Stop thinking about that. Think about that is it does not exist, better don't even think about that. It's all about you. You are unique and live your life like that. You are the boss and labourer. You dictate and you execute how your life should go.

TVwazhere's fears are not uncommon, and understandable.  Unfortunately there is nothing that any of us can probably say that will put his mind at ease, it is something that he will have to come to terms with himself.

 

Like I said before, I had to deal with a somewhat similar situation at a much younger age.  I also have many similarities to my father, but i'm not him, and I will never be him.

 

@TVwazhere I know that it's probably hard, but try to relax and take it easy.

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