The Unfortunate Update
So last Friday (my birthday) will be one I remember for the rest of my life. Not even a majority of the day, just the last two hours of the night because of the events that took place...
After coming home from dinner with my mother I decided to relax and play a few video game before bed as I usually do. Around 10:30 I'm getting ready to go to bed and I hear my father talking to my mother. Recalling from my mother's testimony...
Dad: I need help
Mom: Well [name] What do you want me to do? I've gotten you AA, counseling, detox, anger management, taken your money, credit card wallet keys everything and given you only the mortgage to pay with all other expenses paid by me including food and gas and you cant even manage to not drink enough to pay that
Dad: So youre not going to help me?
Mom: I've been trying for years (decades to be exact) what else can I do?
Dad: Well then theres only one resolution to this
At this point he went back into his room and shut the door, with his light on. He never has his light on, ever. My mother, worried checks my fathers closet, and then runs to my room, where I'm about to get off, and tells me the story and confesses she thinks my father has the guns in his room. I didnt hear the exchange, but I personally did overhear the "I guess theres only one resolution to this" quote so I too was a bit concerned although not as much as my mother was. I decided to go to the bathroom, which was the room directly next to the bedroom my father was in. I get up after finishing and I have my hand on the flush handle when i hear the piercing sound of metal and plastic casing being loaded into a chamber.
As an Eagle scout, I've taken merit badges in both shotgun and rifle badges. At the age of 16 I went skeet shooting with my dad and helped him clean both shotguns. I KNEW exactly what that sound was, even after eight years of never even laying eyes on or hearing them. And for five seconds, there was dead silence. I'm talking absolute silence, completely immeasurable sound levels, the kind of sound void moments where you hear your own blood flow. I legitimately froze. For five seconds which felt like a year, I ran through everything in my head, trying to come up with something that could replicate that noise that wasnt what I knew deep down it was. The sound was so clear the wall might as well have not been there, I'm still shocked three days later how loud it was, just that single shell casing made. As i was trying to come to grips with what I was dealing with, the things that will probably stick with me the rest of my life happened. He loaded another. And another. And Another. Four total shots of 12 gauge I-dont-know-what. Slugs, buck shot, pellets, anything I'm not sure. He might have loaded more, I dont know, but at that point I flushed, and I walked out the bathroom door. My mother was already at the door of the house all but freaking out, she had heard it just as clear as I had, and she was two rooms away from where I was. SOMEHOW we calmly exited the house, got into the car, drove away about a block and called 911. Within ten minutes we had five marked police cars outside our development, by twenty minutes that number doubled, not including additional unmarked civilian, what I assume were off duty police officers and the investigator's car. We gave multiple statements to county sheriff's, state troopers and the investigator. My mother gave the police her phone to talk to my father, meanwhile I saw multiple officers walking back and forth IN FULL POLICE GEAR, the kind of shit you see swat teams get without the ballistic shield (Full chest plate, helmet, semi auto rifles, etc) We were escorted a few miles away where my mother gave a four page statement about everything leading up to and including tonight. Bu then it was past midnight, Saturday September 9th, and we were informed to go to a hotel and they would call us (my phone) when we could come back.
We got a call at about 1:30 am that my father had surrendered peacefully. After a three hour standoff, we were able to go home. We didnt even stay at the hotel an hour (the hotel guy was sympathetic and gave us a discount on the slightly used room) and we returned home. 90% of the cars had left, only one or two state trooper cars and the investigator and his boss's car remained. Myself, my mother, the investigator, what I assume was the state trooper's equivalent of the chief and his first commanding deputy (I really have no idea how it all works) all entered the house, sat down and discussed the vents. My father, incredibly drunk, hung up on the negotiator a few times before coming to his senses. The Lead trooper said the line that had managed to convince my father to maybe consider surrender was the fact that they were not going to charge him with anything. Which sounds ludicrous given everything, but hear me out. Technically, by the letter of the law and how the law is written, he didnt break any of them. He didnt point the gun at anyone, he never discharged, he never said directly and plainly "I'm going to kill you", so no hard evidence against him. HOWEVER, there's a lot of circumstantial evidence, evidence of previous instances of physical aggressive action that was a direct assault on my mother but nothing that left damage, a lot of surrounding evidence that by itself I dont think you could make a case out of, but all together accumulated I think, and the police seem to agree, that there is a chance he could still be charged with something and go to prison.
They asked about my father's "intent" when he said what he did and his intent when loading the shotgun. "Was it suicide, or did he think he was coming after you?" My mother and I agreed that it seemed like he was coming after her, but we weren't sure if it was to scare her or actually do something, although I told my mother "you dont load a shotgun to scare someone" with the concept being; if you only wanted to scare them, why would you put ammo in it, indoors of all things? In addition, I clarified " You dont put four + shots into a gun to commit suicide"... In my mind his motives were clear and his actions backed those up. How that would hold up in a court of law as "circumstantial evidence" I dont know.- When asked about my fathers whereabouts, they had taken him to a Hospital in upstate NY (which apparently doesnt even have a proper detox unit so why they brought him to that one I dont know)
Also, the police kicked my door in. That was fun to find.
To be fair, my door was locked with an actual key (just installed two days before actually) to keep my father out, and as part of the search procedure, as the leader trooper said, "We dont let locked door's stop us" and I told him "As long as the only casualty tonight was a broken door, this was a good night" He even asked me if my "electronics were okay" referring to my few thousand dollar computer rig set up in my room, and yes, everything was perfectly fine. My battle station sits on the opposite end of the wall where the door is so it was not near any of the action going on in the rest of the house (the police didnt touch anything either, just a quick sweep). The police are recommending a order of protection (a restraining order) of which there are two kinds. We would be looking at the one that says he cant even come near us or try to contact us. Our concern is that kicking him out will make him become desperate and even more aggressive, but leaving and leaving him the house to live with before it's sold is also bad because he will just let the house fall down around him, making it unsellable (or at least we'd get less money from a flipper) so there is no good answer that doesnt have a major potential downside of it, all of which revolve around a variable that we cant control and cant rely on, only depend on the fact that he will be belligerent, uncooperative and probably drunk despite our attempts to help him. WE DO have a backup location, somewhere he unfortunately knows; his mothers house which currently sits unoccupied because she with with my uncle for care. Which, as my mother stated, "It's really sad that his family is on our side and that they would rather give us the house first before him"
He's still at the hospital but set to possibly be discharged today (my mothers birthday of all days). Neither of us want to pick him up (my mother alone in a car with him is not a good idea right now) he has no money for an uber/taxi, and we aernt even sure he should come home today. There is no easy answer, I'm not writing this looking for "What should I do" answers because even removing myself from the situation it's a hard call. This next week is going to decide a lot about my future, more than I ever could have possibly imagined it would have when I handed the divorce papers to my father a week ago. In hindsight, it could be worse. Not in the sense of "We could all be dead", I mean, nearly having a gun pointed at your mother by your drunken father doesnt get any worse, but in the scope of action and decision I have and impact I can make on our lives. Not everybody in similarly bad situations has the ability to make a real difference like I do, for example someone battling through cancer, or people losing their homes and their entire net worth to the hurricane. The situation has made me if anything sympathetic to people who go through similarly bad situations but have no course of action that can rectify it.
I'm not even sure how to end this wall of text anymore, so I'll just leave it like this: