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HKZeroFive

Ubisoft Planning Its Own Theme Park

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Breaking news! I managed to get, through a contract that wants to remain anonymous, some footage of this theme park. Mind you there's been a bit of a downgrade from the announced trailer previews but here it is

 

 

Already better than my initial expectations! Hot dog! B)


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Will it have towers you need to climb. Because that would be really funny.


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You will get half way through the ride and then have to pay a $20 fee for DLC to continue. 

You forgot that additional charge for being able to use the safety belts.


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You just be careful. Computers have already beaten the Communists at chess. Next thing you know, they'll be beating humans.

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LOL. Would you get into a ride made by Ubisoft?

Yes, actually I would.

If this happened and I was able to visit it I would without giving a second thought about it.


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dont ride the roller coaster you'll die since its still unfinished

also ull need buy another 6 tickets to visit the whole park


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"I'll have the candy floss, please"

 

*gets handed a paper nozzle*

 

"Um, where's the candy floss?"

 

"It's DLC."

 

*buys candy floss DLC*

 

*gets sick of eating candy floss, gives it away*

 

"HALT! CRIMINAL! THAT CANDY FLOSS WAS LICENSED TO HIM AND HE JUST GAVE IT AWAY! SHOOT TO KILL, SHOOT TO KILL"

 

 

I'd rather contract many various diseases than go to a Ubisoft theme park, unless one of the attractions are Whack-A-Ubisoft-CEO with spiked bats.


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Would the rides lag?


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"I'll have the candy floss, please"

 

*gets handed a paper nozzle*

 

"Um, where's the candy floss?"

 

"It's DLC."

 

*buys candy floss DLC*

 

*gets sick of eating candy floss, gives it away*

 

"HALT! CRIMINAL! THAT CANDY FLOSS WAS LICENSED TO HIM AND HE JUST GAVE IT AWAY! SHOOT TO KILL, SHOOT TO KILL"

 

 

I'd rather contract many various diseases than go to a Ubisoft theme park, unless one of the attractions are Whack-A-Ubisoft-CEO with spiked bats.

^perfect explanation of the current corporate mentality.


Computer's don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose. By now your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as The Beast.

 

You just be careful. Computers have already beaten the Communists at chess. Next thing you know, they'll be beating humans.

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A Ubisoft roller coaster would just clip through the rails and crash into the ground below, killing everyone who wasted their money getting in.


The biggest  BURNOUT  fanboy on this forum.

 

And probably the world.

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It's gonna a be a sprawling open field where you spend more time walking from attraction to attraction. Oh and by the way, in order to reveal more of the map they arbitrarily give you, you have to climb radio towers with some parkour before you can see all the attractions in an area.


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I'd rather have gotten a tour of their studio when I was in Montreal this summer than to a theme park. I mean Behavior and Turbulent gave me tours and showed me some cool stuff they are working on. With that said a theme park could be interesting since Ubisoft are already somewhat creating theme parks at the comic-cons they attend where they have their Assassin Experience or whatever the heck that course is called.

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Now, a wonderfull quote from a private interview with the Ubisoft CEO.

PC ONLY HAS PIRATES.

WE'RE LOSING SO MUCH MONEY

WE NEED TOO MAKE SURE THAT THE PC VERSIONS ARE REALLY SHIT...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE WILL GET LESS MONEY? OUR MONEY WILL INCREASE!

 

*PC versions get cut down too shit*

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE LOSING MONEY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR GAMES ARE SHIT AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DON'T USE CONSOLES?

DAMMIT. THANKS TOO PC WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT. Did I mention we invested 20 Million in a theme park?


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Will we have to pre-order our tickets, and then will the park be opened before it's ready, with several rides still under construction? Will the rides also have constant technical issues and stutter a wicked lot?


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LOL. Would you get into a ride made by Ubisoft?

It's not Ubisoft that's literally going to maek the rides...

 

Jesus Christ you guys are fucking annoying with the herp derping of Ubisoft.

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Instead of spending money on a park maybe, just maybe, they should spend it on making their games not suck balls and run like a cow without legs.


Ye ole' train

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The biggest attraction will be a hole, where you can dig as much and as deep as you like it


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you pay to get into the park then have to pay DLC in order to ride a ride and another to DLC to pay for a seat.


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will there be a fountain with their art/code teams tears?


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Is it gonna be locked to 30fps ?/


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516DNT89feL.jpg

 

This is the only ride that works.


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0/10 would not visit


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hhahahahahahaha diggin. Seriously? Does Ubisoft think their current games really warrant a theme park? LOL


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