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LTT Jokes Thread

Assassin
By Assassin
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Okay let's have a bit of laugh but try to keep this clean, post your favourite jokes. Here's mine:

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.

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  • 1 month later...
Posted

Post good jokes you knew with words or pics anti-jokes allowed(follow this if you want)

 

 

starting off..:

 

What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

 

 

What do you call bears without ears?
B.

 

 

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the water?
Bob..

 

 

How do you call a gentleman who works as a DJ in a club?

DJENTLEMAN !!!.

 

 

what is a person who hits his head in the wall ?
idiot!

 

 

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

 

 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post-18973-0-53156600-1378248415.jpg

post-18973-0-81424800-1378248434.jpg

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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Posted

LOL at the anti joke! LMAO

I like the color scheme of Noctua fans. Deal with it. Forget about the bad memories of the past.


"wunder you really are as straight as a rainbow" - Lanoi "can I fisterino your nose" - WunderWuffle


Forget about the bad memories of the past, take the good ones along with you through the present, and look forwards to the good things that will come in the future.

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Id start telling jokes, But I have a feeling I would get banned from the forums as I have a very dark sense of humor.....

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Id start telling jokes, But I have a feeling I would get banned from the forums as I have a very dark sense of humor.....

Do it its welcome here

Intel Core 2 Quad Q9300, MSI GTX 560TI Twin Frozr 2, 2x500GB drives, cheapo 500w PSU, cheapo HP Pavilion Elite m9000 case
#KilledMyWife

 

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Could someone explain the teacher student one?

The kid was hiding the money from the man.

I like the color scheme of Noctua fans. Deal with it. Forget about the bad memories of the past.


"wunder you really are as straight as a rainbow" - Lanoi "can I fisterino your nose" - WunderWuffle


Forget about the bad memories of the past, take the good ones along with you through the present, and look forwards to the good things that will come in the future.

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Id start telling jokes, But I have a feeling I would get banned from the forums as I have a very dark sense of humor.....

Dead babies ?

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Could someone explain the teacher student one?

lol the kid was standing on the bill so the man couldn't see and then he took the bill

i shouldn't have posted that..

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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My sense of humor is the darker and more offensive the better as long as it is still funny and you don't make say a joke about cot death to someone who has lost a child, but I wouldn't dare post the jokes I find funny here I do love anti jokes though

| 3570k @ 4.4.ghz | Hyper 212 evo | 8GB (2x4GB) 1600mhz Corsair Vengeance | Gigabyte Z77X UD3H | Corsair CX750M | Corsair 300R | OCZ 240GB SSD | Seagate 1TB 7200rpm HDD | Asus DCUII 7950 @1150mhz core 1600mhz mem | 

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Id start telling jokes, But I have a feeling I would get banned from the forums as I have a very dark sense of humor.....

Yeah man fell free if we laugh we laugh if we don't we don't

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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Dead babies ?

no, dead babie jokes arnt funny, its just the reaction on peoples faces when you tell the joke that is funny.

Case: Fractal Design Arc Mini / Motherboard:GigaByte G1-Sniper-M5 / CPU: Intel 4670k / Ram: 16GB Corsair Vengeance LP 1600mhz / GPU: Asus GTX770 Direct CU 2GB / PSU: OCZ ZT650 / SSD: 2xSamsung 840 240GB / HDD: Seagate Barracuda 1TB / Cooler: Corsair H100i / Fans: 3x Corsair AF120 + 2 Corsair SP120 / Mouse: Corsair M65 / Keyboard: Cheap Crap/ Headset: Razer Kraken / Misk: 3DConnexion mouse / Flight stick: Cyborg F.L.Y 5

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no, dead babie jokes arnt funny, its just the reaction on peoples faces when you tell the joke that is funny.

EXACTLY :)

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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no, dead babie jokes arnt funny, its just the reaction on peoples faces when you tell the joke that is funny.

I honestly find them hilarious hence the reason I wont post a joke and the more uptight the person you tell it to the better, to be clear I don't find the idea of a dead baby hilarious but I see nothing wrong with dark humor it doesn't hurt anyone and its making light of a bad situation

| 3570k @ 4.4.ghz | Hyper 212 evo | 8GB (2x4GB) 1600mhz Corsair Vengeance | Gigabyte Z77X UD3H | Corsair CX750M | Corsair 300R | OCZ 240GB SSD | Seagate 1TB 7200rpm HDD | Asus DCUII 7950 @1150mhz core 1600mhz mem | 

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Not a pic nor words but TekSyndicate is awesome!! 

Intel Core 2 Quad Q9300, MSI GTX 560TI Twin Frozr 2, 2x500GB drives, cheapo 500w PSU, cheapo HP Pavilion Elite m9000 case
#KilledMyWife

 

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I honestly find them hilarious hence the reason I wont post a joke and the more uptight the person you tell it to the better, to be clear I don't find the idea of a dead baby hilaEEE

EXACTLY!! ;)

no really i like them too but we think that some people will think it will be offensive to others..

but that's not the way jokes work (even the evilest thing witch will be told as a joke will not be taken seriously)

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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Not a pic nor words but TekSyndicate is awesome!! 

lol i've seen that one and i lmao for the second time..

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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EXACTLY!! ;)

no really i like them too but we think that some people will think it will be offensive to others..

but that's not the way jokes work (even the evilest thing witch will be told as a joke will not be taken seriously)

I completely agree but some people won't and I know some people will take it seriously and in the real world that doesn't bother me I would be willing to argue with them but I don't think it's worth me risking starting an argument with someone and ruining a nice thread :) 

| 3570k @ 4.4.ghz | Hyper 212 evo | 8GB (2x4GB) 1600mhz Corsair Vengeance | Gigabyte Z77X UD3H | Corsair CX750M | Corsair 300R | OCZ 240GB SSD | Seagate 1TB 7200rpm HDD | Asus DCUII 7950 @1150mhz core 1600mhz mem | 

| BenQ XL2411T | Corsair Vengeance K60 | Logitech G700 | steelseries Qck+ | Fiio E10 | Zalman clip on mic | HD 598 | ATH-M50 |

 

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lol i've seen that one and i lmao for the second time..

Seen it like 10 times still funny

Intel Core 2 Quad Q9300, MSI GTX 560TI Twin Frozr 2, 2x500GB drives, cheapo 500w PSU, cheapo HP Pavilion Elite m9000 case
#KilledMyWife

 

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How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

He doesn't, he's dead.

What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?

Neither of them is a police officer.

What did Kermit the frog say when Jim Henson died?

Nothing

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

A pilot.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

post-18973-0-34392500-1378250770.jpg

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

He doesn't, he's dead.

What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?

Neither of them is a police officer.

What did Kermit the frog say when Jim Henson died?

Nothing

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

A pilot.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

That made my day. xD

I like the color scheme of Noctua fans. Deal with it. Forget about the bad memories of the past.


"wunder you really are as straight as a rainbow" - Lanoi "can I fisterino your nose" - WunderWuffle


Forget about the bad memories of the past, take the good ones along with you through the present, and look forwards to the good things that will come in the future.

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