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Tell me your funniest joke

Pugs501
By Pugs501
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AMD

Main Rig: CPU: AMD Ryzen 7 5800X | RAM: 32GB (2x16GB) KLEVV CRAS XR RGB DDR4-3600 | Motherboard: Gigabyte B550I AORUS PRO AX | Storage: 512GB SKHynix PC401, 1TB Samsung 970 EVO Plus, 2x Micron 1100 256GB SATA SSDs | GPU: EVGA RTX 3080 FTW3 Ultra 10GB | Cooling: ThermalTake Floe 280mm w/ be quiet! Pure Wings 3 | Case: Sliger SM580 (Black) | PSU: Lian Li SP 850W

 

Server: CPU: AMD Ryzen 3 3100 | RAM: 32GB (2x16GB) Crucial DDR4 Pro | Motherboard: ASUS PRIME B550-PLUS AC-HES | Storage: 128GB Samsung PM961, 4TB Seagate IronWolf | GPU: AMD FirePro WX 3100 | Cooling: EK-AIO Elite 360 D-RGB | Case: Corsair 5000D Airflow (White) | PSU: Seasonic Focus GM-850

 

Miscellaneous: Dell Optiplex 7060 Micro (i5-8500T/16GB/512GB), Lenovo ThinkCentre M715q Tiny (R5 2400GE/16GB/256GB), Dell Optiplex 7040 SFF (i5-6400/8GB/128GB)

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

CPU: Intel Core i5 4460 | GPU: XFX r9 280x DD BLACK OC EDITION | RAM: 8gb Kingston HyperX Fury 1600Mhz | Mobo: Gigabyte h97n-WIFI | PSU: EVGA 600B | Case: Cooler Master Elite 120 | Cooler: Stock intel | SSD: Samsung 840 EVO 120gb | Storage: WD 150 gb

CPU: Intel Core i7 4710MQ | GPU: NVIDIA Geforce GTX 850M | RAM: 8gb Corsair 1600Mhz | Mobo: Metabox WA50SJ Motherboard | Case: Metabox WA50SJ case | Cooler: Stock | SSD: Sandisk 256gb

:wub:  :wub:  :wub: 

Best purchase this year, bcuz forza

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

I don't know, why?

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Slick is hired.

SimRacer - Casual FSX Pilot!

 

Spoiler

Mobo: MSI B550 Tomahawk | CPU: Ryzen R5 3600 | GPU: Vega 64 Sapphire Nitro | RAM: 16GB Crucial Ballistix DDR4 3200Mhz | PSU: EVGA P2 1000W 80Plus Platinum | Storage: 256GB Samsung 840 Pro SSD - 1TB WD Black - 2TB Seagate HDD | Cooling: Dark Rock Pro 3, Noiseblocker eLoop Fans | Case: Phanteks Enthoo Luxe | Audio: Sennheiser HD598 - JBL LSR305s | Display: BenQ EX3501R, Asus VG278H

Spoiler
 
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Your momma so fat mount everest tried to climb her...

Details separate people.

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I don't know, why?

To get to the idiots house!

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...

no... ok

 

Knock knock.

CPU: Intel Core i5 4460 | GPU: XFX r9 280x DD BLACK OC EDITION | RAM: 8gb Kingston HyperX Fury 1600Mhz | Mobo: Gigabyte h97n-WIFI | PSU: EVGA 600B | Case: Cooler Master Elite 120 | Cooler: Stock intel | SSD: Samsung 840 EVO 120gb | Storage: WD 150 gb

CPU: Intel Core i7 4710MQ | GPU: NVIDIA Geforce GTX 850M | RAM: 8gb Corsair 1600Mhz | Mobo: Metabox WA50SJ Motherboard | Case: Metabox WA50SJ case | Cooler: Stock | SSD: Sandisk 256gb

:wub:  :wub:  :wub: 

Best purchase this year, bcuz forza

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Don't you hate people that answer their own questions? I do.

or

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

 

They're not that great, but I like 'em. :D

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Schrödinger walks into a room with a box in his hands. Heisenberg is sitting in the room, and asks Schrödinger:

 

Heisenberg: Schrödinger, is your cat in that box?

Schrödinger: Yes

Heisenberg: Is it dead or alive?

Schrödinger: Yes

 

And not to forget.

 

Bohr, Pascal, Newton and Oppenheimer is playing hide and seek. It's Bohr's turn to seek. While he is counting to 10, Newton panics and draws a square around his feet.

Bohr easily finds Newton and says

 

Bohr: Newton, you have been found.

Newton: No, you found Newton over a square. You found Pascal.

Nova doctrina terribilis sit perdere

Audio format guides: Vinyl records | Cassette tapes

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Knock knock.

 

Who's there?

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Who's there?

THE CHICKEN!

CPU: Intel Core i5 4460 | GPU: XFX r9 280x DD BLACK OC EDITION | RAM: 8gb Kingston HyperX Fury 1600Mhz | Mobo: Gigabyte h97n-WIFI | PSU: EVGA 600B | Case: Cooler Master Elite 120 | Cooler: Stock intel | SSD: Samsung 840 EVO 120gb | Storage: WD 150 gb

CPU: Intel Core i7 4710MQ | GPU: NVIDIA Geforce GTX 850M | RAM: 8gb Corsair 1600Mhz | Mobo: Metabox WA50SJ Motherboard | Case: Metabox WA50SJ case | Cooler: Stock | SSD: Sandisk 256gb

:wub:  :wub:  :wub: 

Best purchase this year, bcuz forza

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Xbox One

5.1GHz 4770k

My Specs

Intel i7-4770K @ 4.7GHz | Corsair H105 w/ SP120 | Asus Gene VI | 32GB Corsair Vengeance LP | 2x GTX 780Ti| Corsair 750D | OCZ Agility 3 | Samsung 840/850 | Sandisk SSD | 3TB WD RED | Seagate Barracuda 2TB | Corsair RM850 | ASUS PB278Q | SyncMaster 2370HD | SyncMaster P2450
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A Soviet commissar goes to a farm to ask how the harvest has been.  First he asks about the wheat, and the farmer says "Sorry, commissar, but the wheat hasn't been great this year..." The commissar then asks the farmer about the potatoes.  The farmer replies "Commissar, we grew so many potatoes, if you piled them up they would touch the foot of God." The commissar replies "Comrade, this is the Soviet Union, there is no god" to which the farmer replies "Good, 'cause their aren't any fucking potatoes!"

QUOTE ME OR I PROBABLY WON'T SEE YOUR RESPONSE 

My Setup:

 

Desktop

Spoiler

CPU: Ryzen 9 3900X  CPU Cooler: Noctua NH-D15  Motherboard: Asus Prime X370-PRO  RAM: 32GB Corsair Vengeance LPX DDR4 @3200MHz  GPU: EVGA RTX 2080 FTW3 ULTRA (+50 core +400 memory)  Storage: 1050GB Crucial MX300, 1TB Crucial MX500  PSU: EVGA Supernova 750 P2  Chassis: NZXT Noctis 450 White/Blue OS: Windows 10 Professional  Displays: Asus MG279Q FreeSync OC, LG 27GL850-B

 

Main Laptop:

Spoiler

Laptop: Sager NP 8678-S  CPU: Intel Core i7 6820HK @ 2.7GHz  RAM: 32GB DDR4 @ 2133MHz  GPU: GTX 980m 8GB  Storage: 250GB Samsung 850 EVO M.2 + 1TB Samsung 850 Pro + 1TB 7200RPM HGST HDD  OS: Windows 10 Pro  Chassis: Clevo P670RG  Audio: HyperX Cloud II Gunmetal, Audio Technica ATH-M50s, JBL Creature II

 

Thinkpad T420:

Spoiler

CPU: i5 2520M  RAM: 8GB DDR3  Storage: 275GB Crucial MX30

 

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2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex.
The guy says "You must be an OBGYN because you can work that pussy."
The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."

 

They finally released the ingredients in Viagra!
3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch, 87% Fix-A-Flat.

 

According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect.

That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were.

 

This one is slightly offensive. But i think it's just too funny to pass up

A gay guy walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of  salami.
"Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely.
"What do you think I am?" replied the customer, "...a slot machine!?"

 

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"

====>The car thread<====>Dark Souls thread<====>Placeholder<====
"Life is like a raging river, Its gonna get rough downstream. And people's gonna piss in it" 

"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"

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2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex.

The guy says "You must be an OBGYN because you can work that pussy."

The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."

Kelso-burn.jpg

.

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North Korea

MTIwNjA4NjM0MjAzODMzODY4.jpg

Main Rig: CPU: AMD Ryzen 7 5800X | RAM: 32GB (2x16GB) KLEVV CRAS XR RGB DDR4-3600 | Motherboard: Gigabyte B550I AORUS PRO AX | Storage: 512GB SKHynix PC401, 1TB Samsung 970 EVO Plus, 2x Micron 1100 256GB SATA SSDs | GPU: EVGA RTX 3080 FTW3 Ultra 10GB | Cooling: ThermalTake Floe 280mm w/ be quiet! Pure Wings 3 | Case: Sliger SM580 (Black) | PSU: Lian Li SP 850W

 

Server: CPU: AMD Ryzen 3 3100 | RAM: 32GB (2x16GB) Crucial DDR4 Pro | Motherboard: ASUS PRIME B550-PLUS AC-HES | Storage: 128GB Samsung PM961, 4TB Seagate IronWolf | GPU: AMD FirePro WX 3100 | Cooling: EK-AIO Elite 360 D-RGB | Case: Corsair 5000D Airflow (White) | PSU: Seasonic Focus GM-850

 

Miscellaneous: Dell Optiplex 7060 Micro (i5-8500T/16GB/512GB), Lenovo ThinkCentre M715q Tiny (R5 2400GE/16GB/256GB), Dell Optiplex 7040 SFF (i5-6400/8GB/128GB)

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An infinite number mathematicians walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint, the second half a pint, the third a quarter...

 

The barman rolls his eyes and pours two pints.

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THE CHICKEN!

 

:(  :(  :(  :(  :(

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