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Calranthe

Thank you Linus, you helped without knowing.

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Posted · Original PosterOP

Hello everyone, 

A couple of days ago I was watching one of your videos and realised you were one of the few people I hadn't yet thanked for the very real help you gave myself and wife, we started watching your channel long ago not only for entertainment but to help us plan out our lives.

 

You see 6 months after I met my GF who became my wife at 21, she was diagnosed with incurable cancer, either the cancer would kill her or the medication keeping it away would kill her, no possibility of cure, (She had a chromosome anomaly that turned a maybe 40% chance of beating it into 0%).

 

We were both gamers, I gave up my job in computers so I could become her 24/7 carer, we didn't have much money but I budgeted really well. Within a couple of months the medication took away her ability to walk and the online world became our life, this was back in 1998, I automated the house, build computers out of second hand stuff, by 2001 I started moving all our movies to HD so she could watch them in bed, computer controlled lighting, media servers, game servers, was one of the first people in the UK to have the BT home highway (usually only for business) Dual ISDN line. 

 

At one point we had 7 computers around the house, fast forward to 2007 and her illness was getting worse, damage being done to every part of her body, sleep only came 1-2 hours a night.

 

We started watching your channel, firstly together and then she would pick out shows that would interest me (I was spending most of my time looking after her) By 2015 she was no longer able to build her own PC but many time I woke up to her watching your shows and smiling.

 

Her kidney's failed in 2016 damage from the medication, and on 20th November 2018 (she was 42) her heart failed, she felt no pain, she was laying in a bed in the coronary care unit playing Minecraft on her phone and laughing with a nurse when she said my chest feels funny (her heart stopped a cardiac arrest, they brought her back once but her heart was only functioning at 14% before the cardiac arrest).

 

Linus you made my Wife smile at 4am in the morning when pain and insomnia kept her awake, you made her laugh and you inspired us both with Technology.

 

As for me? I am autistic (higher functioning) ADHD diagnosed, Bi-polar type 2 (diagnosed) and  PTSD, also 7 days after she died I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and have 40% of my colon removed (it could have moved to my lungs, keeping an eye on it with CT scans every 5 months)  computers are my life now, they keep me going, I vlog and stuff will never be able to work but I get by.

 

I still watch all your videos.

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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51 minutes ago, Calranthe said:

Hello everyone, 

A couple of days ago I was watching one of your videos and realised you were one of the few people I hadn't yet thanked for the very real help you gave myself and wife, we started watching your channel long ago not only for entertainment but to help us plan out our lives.

 

You see 6 months after I met my GF who became my wife at 21, she was diagnosed with incurable cancer, either the cancer would kill her or the medication keeping it away would kill her, no possibility of cure, (She had a chromosome anomaly that turned a maybe 40% chance of beating it into 0%).

 

We were both gamers, I gave up my job in computers so I could become her 24/7 carer, we didn't have much money but I budgeted really well. Within a couple of months the medication took away her ability to walk and the online world became our life, this was back in 1998, I automated the house, build computers out of second hand stuff, by 2001 I started moving all our movies to HD so she could watch them in bed, computer controlled lighting, media servers, game servers, was one of the first people in the UK to have the BT home highway (usually only for business) Dual ISDN line. 

 

At one point we had 7 computers around the house, fast forward to 2007 and her illness was getting worse, damage being done to every part of her body, sleep only came 1-2 hours a night.

 

We started watching your channel, firstly together and then she would pick out shows that would interest me (I was spending most of my time looking after her) By 2015 she was no longer able to build her own PC but many time I woke up to her watching your shows and smiling.

 

Her kidney's failed in 2016 damage from the medication, and on 20th November 2018 (she was 42) her heart failed, she felt no pain, she was laying in a bed in the coronary care unit playing Minecraft on her phone and laughing with a nurse when she said my chest feels funny (her heart stopped a cardiac arrest, they brought her back once but her heart was only functioning at 14% before the cardiac arrest).

 

Linus you made my Wife smile at 4am in the morning when pain and insomnia kept her awake, you made her laugh and you inspired us both with Technology.

 

As for me? I am autistic (higher functioning) ADHD diagnosed, Bi-polar type 2 (diagnosed) and  PTSD, also 7 days after she died I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and have 40% of my colon removed (it could have moved to my lungs, keeping an eye on it with CT scans every 5 months)  computers are my life now, they keep me going, I vlog and stuff will never be able to work but I get by.

 

I still watch all your videos.

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your message.

 

I've shared it with my team because it's easy for us to feel sometimes that what we do doesn't really matter and forget every "view" is someone out there enjoying the work we do and sharing our love of technology.

 

I sincerely hope the cancer never makes it to your lungs and we'll see you around here on the forum for years to come.

 

Welcome :)

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Posted · Original PosterOP
11 hours ago, LinusTech said:

Thanks for your message.

 

I've shared it with my team because it's easy for us to feel sometimes that what we do doesn't really matter and forget every "view" is someone out there enjoying the work we do and sharing our love of technology.

 

I sincerely hope the cancer never makes it to your lungs and we'll see you around here on the forum for years to come.

 

Welcome :)

That makes me happy, there is a lot of darkness in the world, bad things happen, but we appreciate life and what we have, Technology, gaming back in the 90's it was still all classed as the "stop wasting your time" "go play a sport instead" this year has proven how important computers can be in connecting us all.

 

For my Wife and me you and your teams shows gave us inspiration and laughter we always liked that things could go wrong or were not perfect, in that way it always felt more real.

 

I recently got to speak with the lead on Assassin's Creed Black Flag and Origins (one of my Wife's paintings hang in the main office and her story, how games gave her a world to experience that made so much more sense than real life did is used to inspire the team).

 

After Paola died my world ended, I had spent 20 years looking after her and trying to make her smile every day, I had no family or outside anchor, was close to ending it all in march of 2019, was under 5 different consultants and a Senior Psychologist, was on suicide watch, but technology brought me back, I started to vlog every day, stream, twitter, I couldn't game alone anymore but if I recorded my videos or went on twitch I was connected with the world, I am now only under one consultant who wants to write a paper about using  VR, gaming, technology to help with depression and mental illness instead of medication.

 

I am broken, in ways that can never be fixed but I have coping strategies.

I don't know what day it is when I wake but instead of stressing about it I can just ask Alexa.

My short term memory is completely shot, online calendars help me keep a track, I used to have post it notes all over my walls reminding me to eat or order food, to do the laundry, now I use online time table systems.

When depression hits I can dive into beatsaber or SkyrimVR, horror games are also good because it engages your fight or flight priorities, anyone who has tried the VR plank game knows how immersive VR can really be and fooling your brain into thinking it is in a dangerous situation can mean it "resets" the depression.

 

Valve recently sent me a Valve Index after reading my story.

 

I managed to sell a lot of old technology and can now build my dream PC, this is life support for me, without a computer I don't think that I would be here or if still here then probably in a psych ward.

 

Over the next few weeks I will be putting together my new streaming/content creation/gaming/most important thing in my life system. (it may seem over the top but I stream in 1440p then transcode later using Handbrake for my channel, want to start doing intro's and animation  (that way there is always a record of what I have achieved) with a single pc doing it all, it limits my time actually live. So I am going for the best I can within a budget.

(not going for anything RGB or showy this is a pure work horse)

Case arrived yesterday  Phanteks Enthoo Pro Large Black Tower.

In the next couple of weeks as money comes in from the sold items (wheel chair and many items no longer needed)

AMD Ryzen 9 3950x

Aorus X570 Master

Noctua NH-D15

32gb Corsair Vengeance 3600mhz

Items from my old build

1TB M2 Sabrent for the OS

2* Samsung SSD

2* mechanical 2TB as storage for finished files before uploads and storage.

 

That should all be setup by the 16th September, if the build goes well. lol

Will use my EVGA 1080ti for the build although I am doing the math/budget and for my birthday in November  the last of the items I can sell, a 3090 could be bought :).

 

 

Oh and Audible became a true life saver, during the time after her death Paola had purchased and setup 30+ different scifi books and horror, books she knew I would love, I couldn't sit down watch tv or read but having books playing in the background really helped me cope, it still does.

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Posted · Original PosterOP
14 hours ago, James said:

Wow. Never stop fighting, Calranthe.

Thank you, Paola made me appreciate life, we can spend all our time wishing for a better tomorrow, life throws so many distractions but never forget what you have right now, life is worth fighting for and appreciate all that you have right now, those you care for, now matters.

 

The wonderful thing is talking to people on places like this, reading comments on my videos, or just making someone smile if I do something silly live on stream it is a huge boost, ammunition for the fight against depression and loss.

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Posted · Original PosterOP
10 minutes ago, itswillum said:

I hate to break this chain of posts, but I'd love to know where we can watch your streams. :)

Am I allowed to post a stream link I didn't want this to seem like self promotion.

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Bro I'm not trying to cry so early in the morning god damn. I wish you the best man


ƆԀ S₱▓Ɇ▓cs: i7 6ʇɥפᴉƎ00K (4.4ghz), Asus DeLuxe X99A II, GT҉X҉1҉0҉8҉0 Zotac Amp ExTrꍟꎭe),Si6F4Gb D???????r PlatinUm, EVGA G2 Sǝʌǝᘉ5ᙣᙍᖇᓎᙎᗅᖶt, Phanteks Enthoo Primo, 3TB WD Black, 500gb 850 Evo, H100iGeeTeeX, Windows 10, K70 R̸̢̡̭͍͕̱̭̟̩̀̀̃́̃͒̈́̈́͑̑́̆͘͜ͅG̶̦̬͊́B̸͈̝̖͗̈́, G502, HyperX Cloud 2s, Asus MX34. פN∩SW∀S 960 EVO

Just keeping this here as a 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Posted · Original PosterOP
8 minutes ago, BuckGup said:

Bro I'm not trying to cry so early in the morning god damn. I wish you the best man

Onion ninja's everywhere!

Thank you.

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1 hour ago, Calranthe said:

Am I allowed to post a stream link I didn't want this to seem like self promotion.

You can add a link to your twitch/YouTube/where you stream on your profile. Just visit your profile page and click Edit Profile and there will be a field for it in Contact Methods. Anyone who is interested in catching your stream can visit your profile to find that information without promoting yourself on the forum.


CPU: Intel i7 6700k  | Motherboard: Gigabyte Z170x Gaming 5 | RAM: 2x8GB 3000MHz G.Skill Ripjaws 5 | GPU: Gigabyte Aorus GTX 1080ti | PSU: Corsair RM750x (2018) | Case: BeQuiet SilentBase 800 | Cooler: Corsair H100i AIO | SSD: Samsung 970 Evo 500GB + Samsung 840 500GB | HDD: Seagate Ironwolf 8TB + 2x Seagate Ironwolf 6TB | Monitor: Acer Predator XB271HU + Samsung BX2450

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Posted · Original PosterOP
29 minutes ago, Spotty said:

You can add a link to your twitch/YouTube/where you stream on your profile. Just visit your profile page and click Edit Profile and there will be a field for it in Contact Methods. Anyone who is interested in catching your stream can visit your profile to find that information without promoting yourself on the forum.

Thank you :) off to play some TLD now on stream.

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Calranthe that was an emotional read - just when I think I have the odd problem in life - you have been played some poor cards in your life but continue to not let that beat you. Inspiration is an overused word, but for you I think it is perfect. Keep on in tech - its a lifeline and livelihood for many. With that precious rig of yours be sure to get a UPS to protect from the nasties that can happen to the mains supply (if you don't already have one!)

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I really hope this is real. This is so emotional.


I am still TechWizardThatNeedsHelp, just less of a mouthfull.

 

My beautiful, but not that powerful, main PC:

My new PC I'm saving for:

  • NZXT H1 Matte Black
    • Comes with a 650W NZXT PSU
    • NZXT AIO
  • Ryzen 5 3600
  • MSI B450i GAMING PLUS AC
  • XPG ADATA 2800Mhz
  • RX480 untill I have more for a 2060 or 2070
  • 2tb Sabrent Rocket Q PCIE gen 3 NVME SSD
  • Samsung 470 128GB SATA SSD
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Posted · Original PosterOP
1 hour ago, A1200 said:

Calranthe that was an emotional read - just when I think I have the odd problem in life - you have been played some poor cards in your life but continue to not let that beat you. Inspiration is an overused word, but for you I think it is perfect. Keep on in tech - its a lifeline and livelihood for many. With that precious rig of yours be sure to get a UPS to protect from the nasties that can happen to the mains supply (if you don't already have one!)

 

I have a good set of surge protectors and a UPS thank you, yes Technology is an amazing lifeline especially for disabled people.

 

50 minutes ago, TheTechWizardThatNeedsHelp said:

I really hope this is real. This is so emotional.

I spent a lot of my time since she was gone wishing it wasn't real.

 

I wrote this 2 days after she passed.

 

https://imgur.com/gallery/JSggx0v

 

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On 9/2/2020 at 5:24 PM, Calranthe said:

As for me? I am autistic

I am also autistic so I know how that feels

as for the rest of the story hopefully your life is doing great and have good life mate


Cameras main canon xti Secondary Panasonic GX85 spare Samsung ST68 and nikion s4000

main HP compaq 8300 prebuilt - Intel i5-3470 - 14GB ram - 500GB HDD - bluray drive

old windows 7 gaming desktop - Intel i5 2400 - lenovo CIH61M V:1.0 - 4GB ram - 1TB HDD - 160GB HDD - MSI GT 710 - dual DVD roms 

main laptop acer e5 15 - Intel i3 7th gen - 16GB ram - 1TB HDD - dvd drive                                                                     

school laptop lenovo 300e chromebook 2nd gen - Intel celeron - 4GB ram - 32GB SSD                                                     

storage server - AMD X2 250 - ASUS m4a785-m - 4GB ram - 500GB HDD - 320GB HDD - 80GB HDD                                  

myanimelist

#Muricaparrotgang #MacsAreGoodComputersToo                                                                                          

 

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