I have wasted a lot of time playing video games when I used younger then in the last 8 years or so I sometimes played a lot and sometimes never played for weeks or even months until I stopped nearly 3 years ago.
Now, I WANT to play games but I cant, I force myself to play but cant, however when I do watch the cutscenes of a game all in one video (the so-called: Game Movies), I really enjoy, when I watch documentaries about the history of the companies and games, I enjoy it, when I read articles and watch videos about game development, I enjoy it.
I dont know what the f-ing problem is, video games was the only hobby left I had, I am angry, I am sad, I lost passion to everything including the thing I loved the most, I am literally missing Agent 47, CJ, Captain Price and the others.
Please tell me what to do.
Note 1: I am nearly 90% of the time sad, Am I depressed? If yes, why is my f-ing brain preventing me from the last thing I had a passion for?
Note 2: I dont think I am overburnt because I havent actually played for at least 3 years, only the hour or two I forced myself to play each month.
I am actually embarrased to a therapist and tell them this.