Miracles are real, and I am a changed man. After some research and deep breathing, I decided to reformat the USB again, slap the old BIOS on it, and try to do a powered down Q Flash using the button on the MOBO. Pressed the button once, no led blinking or anything, confusion. After waiting a minute or two, I flip the PSU off and on and try again. Nothing.
Moving on I decide to try to do it with the system on, so I power up and begin moving around to the back of the PC when something catches my eye. The Aorus logo displayed on my monitor. I make a dash for the Delete key as urine begins trickling down my trousers. Suddenly the screen goes black again, and life is meaningless, but a moment later up comes the splash screen again and I make it to UEFI. Huzzah!
Curious, I looked to see if the power off flash worked and I restored the BIOS to the original F3 version. Much to my astonishment it reports that it is running version F5b, the newest one.
I have no Effing clue what the Hell happened, and I don't care because everything seems to be running fine. Miracles happen, maybe I'll start going to church or praying over my Jesus PC every night. Thus, I hereby name this computer Lazarus, and vow never again to insite the demons that lay in wait for the unwary lambs who take a fancy for updating their Motherboards BIOS.
Amen.