Hyp0xia

A customer came into Micro Center to get a new battery for his laptop. I asked him what's the model of his laptop and he replied: "It's brown."

A customer came into my store yesterday evening and lectured one of my coworkers and me on how solid-state drives are full of radiation and cause Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and affect the ovaries, etc.

1. A customer stumbled into my area of my store looking like a deer in the headlights. When I asked him what he was looking for, he excitedly approached and shoved a VGA cable in my face. He said he was looking for the nuts that go into the posts at the end of the VGA cable. I told him we don't carry them and then he asked me to get a ruler so I could measure the nuts for him and he could then get them at Home Depot. I refused to be a part of his stupidity and directed him toward our tools aisle, where there was a slim chance he'd find anything of use to him but where there was a 100% chance I'd be in the break room by the time he could come back to drag me over to the other department against my will.
 
2. A customer came in and bought an AMD FX-9590 and an ASUS M5A78L-M LX motherboard to be used in the same machine.

A customer came into my store today complaining that his power supply unit he had purchased from us wasn't functioning properly. A coworker of mine asked him what specifically was wrong with it and the customer told him his Internet wasn't working.

I was in the middle of a sales presentation regarding some low-end and mid-range AMD motherboards when another customer interrupted me to say: "Get the UD5H so you can overclock your RAM to 2400MHz."

Half the time when I'm trying to sell a video card to a customer and I ask what resolution they're running, they tell me how many inches their screen is.

Customer #1 handed me his Western Digital Caviar Green hard disk drive and asked me if that's his motherboard.
 
Customer #2 was given an IDE-to-SATA adapter by a coworker of mine and refused to believe me when I informed him that it wouldn't work in his laptop because there is no space for such an adapter in a laptop. He chose to ignore my advice and bought it anyway.
 
Customer #3 bought an Intel Core i7-4960X for his mother's FarmVille machine.
 
Customer #4 wanted to install an AMD FX-8350 into a Gigabyte 78LMT-S2P motherboard.
 
Customer #5 was looking to replace his power supply unit. I brought him over to some of the Corsairs only for him to notice some $15 Diabloteks on the endcap. When I told him they're fire hazards, he shrugged and left with the Diablotek in tow.

I had one customer at Micro Center who decided he was going to "educate" me on cooling products by claiming that the only thing that matters in a CPU cooler is the CFM of the fan(s). I tried to explain to him the importance of surface area, materials, static pressure, heat pipes, and so on. He refused to listen to reason and continued his rant about CFM being the one and only factor to consider when selecting a CPU cooler. I told him to enjoy his jet engine and concluded our debate.
 
Another customer came into our service and repair line because his computer wasn't working. He had slathered thermal interface material all over his hard disk drive.

A customer came in to Micro Center yesterday furious that he had dropped about $1,000 on parts and none of them had worked. I assumed user error and slithered away to the break room while one of my coworkers had the joy of dealing with him. It turned out he had been emptying full tubes of thermal interface material onto his CPU before installing his CPU cooler, thus destroying his hardware. He went through several of our motherboards in this way.

A customer came into Micro Center and asked me for help finding a replacement motherboard. As I tried to determine the socket, he made a claim that took me by surprise: He said he had an i7 and had been running it in an AMD motherboard for the past three years. I explained to him that this is impossible, trying with all my might to remain polite in the face of seemingly impossible stupidity, but he insisted, all the time having no clue as to which i7 he allegedly had or what socket it fit into. He claimed he had what he described as a "converter" that allowed him to install his i7 in an AMD motherboard. I then informed him that no such thing exists and that, without having some clue as to socket or CPU model, I'd be unable to assist him. He did not seem pleased.
 
Another customer came in looking for a CPU cooler for their AMD processor. They then showed their old cooler to my coworker. It wasn't the CPU cooler that piqued out interest, however, it was the CPU itself, which was adhering to the base of the cooler, its pins bent and missing. The customer had simply torn the cooler off of the motherboard, destroying both CPU and motherboard in the process.
 
Customer #3 came in looking for a replacement for what appeard to be a tiny black rubber band. He explained to me that it came out of his hard disk drive and I explained, in turn, that he'd have to get  a new hard disk drive entirely if pieces were breaking off from it. I then showed him over to the 3.5" hard disk drives and spent several minutes on my sales pitch before it became apparent that he didn't need a hard disk drive at all. He started talking about inserting CDs. "So you don't need a hard drive at all, you need an optical drive," I said. He had no idea. I showed him over to the optical drives, where he asked me if the hard disk drive is inside the optical drive.
 
Customer #4 wanted to pump 110 volts into a case fan and I had to explain to him the various number of ways in which this would result in the fan's dramatic destruction.
 
Customer #5 tried to SLI two GeForce GT 610s.
 
Customer #6 wanted me to sell him on a sub-$30 case to house his system that happened to include two GeForce GTX 780s in SLI.

A Russian man came into the store where I work and explained that he wanted a SATA data splitter cable because he didn't have enough SATA ports on his motherboard. When I informed him that no such cable exists and suggested he try an I/O card solution to add additional SATA ports to his system, he stormed away.
 
Another customer insisted that WiFi only works with Linux when using integrated motherboard solutions and that dedicated WiFi cards only work on Ubuntu, which he apparently believed is not a Linux distro. This same customer wanted to install an Intel Core i7-5820K on an ASRock H97M-ITX/ac until he learnt that the 5820K features Hyper-Threading Technology. He then told me that he doesn't want anything with Hyper-Threading because it'll cause his computer to overheat.

A customer came into Micro Center to get a new battery for his laptop. I asked him what's the model of his laptop and he replied: "It's brown."

A customer came into Micro Center to get a new battery for his laptop. I asked him what's the model of his laptop and he replied: "It's brown."

A customer came into Micro Center to get a new battery for his laptop. I asked him what's the model of his laptop and he replied: "It's brown."

A Russian man came into the store where I work and explained that he wanted a SATA data splitter cable because he didn't have enough SATA ports on his motherboard. When I informed him that no such cable exists and suggested he try an I/O card solution to add additional SATA ports to his system, he stormed away.
 
Another customer insisted that WiFi only works with Linux when using integrated motherboard solutions and that dedicated WiFi cards only work on Ubuntu, which he apparently believed is not a Linux distro. This same customer wanted to install an Intel Core i7-5820K on an ASRock H97M-ITX/ac until he learnt that the 5820K features Hyper-Threading Technology. He then told me that he doesn't want anything with Hyper-Threading because it'll cause his computer to overheat.

A customer came into my store today complaining that his power supply unit he had purchased from us wasn't functioning properly. A coworker of mine asked him what specifically was wrong with it and the customer told him his Internet wasn't working.

I was in the middle of a sales presentation regarding some low-end and mid-range AMD motherboards when another customer interrupted me to say: "Get the UD5H so you can overclock your RAM to 2400MHz."

A customer approached a coworker of mine, shoved a serial card in his face, and said: "I need the Internet."

"New to computers" as in a non-techie? I was under the impression that experiences with non-techies was the title of this thread.

Half the time when I'm trying to sell a video card to a customer and I ask what resolution they're running, they tell me how many inches their screen is.

Customer #1 handed me his Western Digital Caviar Green hard disk drive and asked me if that's his motherboard.
 
Customer #2 was given an IDE-to-SATA adapter by a coworker of mine and refused to believe me when I informed him that it wouldn't work in his laptop because there is no space for such an adapter in a laptop. He chose to ignore my advice and bought it anyway.
 
Customer #3 bought an Intel Core i7-4960X for his mother's FarmVille machine.
 
Customer #4 wanted to install an AMD FX-8350 into a Gigabyte 78LMT-S2P motherboard.
 
Customer #5 was looking to replace his power supply unit. I brought him over to some of the Corsairs only for him to notice some $15 Diabloteks on the endcap. When I told him they're fire hazards, he shrugged and left with the Diablotek in tow.

A customer came into Micro Center to get a new battery for his laptop. I asked him what's the model of his laptop and he replied: "It's brown."

am i the only one that instantly thought "with telimetry?"

did they not learn from bendgate?
 
Edit:
 
inb4 they sale a super expensive adapter that nobody needs and turns into this: