Yelp reviews are fucking wild man. Dude must be a fan fiction writer or something. Just look at this one for a Burger King in Altoona PA:

Quote

From User A Wild D.:

 

I believe it is imperative to the development of any man's character that he, at some moment in all he has experienced, stare into the abyss, if only for the briefest glance. I have experienced this important exhibition into the raw, unadulterated truth behind the vail at this very Burger King. The tale I tell is to the best of my description, though mere mortal words are insufficient. You may caution that I am mad, and indeed I may very well be. Cthulhu would be scorned to eat at this restaurant.

I approached this insidious establishment on a Saturday night, exactly 9:09 PM. I was taken aback, for but a kiss of a moment, by the aura of sheer, unrelenting malice that extruded from every crevice of this den of horrors. However, my hunger was great, overpowering, and I had forgone my most primal, cautious instincts, dredging ever closer in vain hope that I would satiate myself.

The staff, wild in their eyes but silent in their demeanor, took my currency, but acknowledge my presence nary a little. Stark, staring madness is an inadequate description of their demeanor... But even this prepared me little for what was to come... without knowing, my vary transaction had opened Pandora's box and the horrors within, and it was, so regrettably, too late... there was no turning back.

I had purchased the Bacon King meal. Once again, the humble cashier handed me my food, with eyes dead and mouth silent, eyes that saw but enough to complete the task at hand... but could not conceive me as a patron. I sat, immediately drawing forth from the bag my Bacon King. Unwrapping the burger, drawing it to my mouth... in taking my first bite I realized that the twilight had taken me. I was no longer within the same world I had left behind. I was in a world without laws, without order, and without sanity. The bun was but a withered husk, a stale mockery of anything resembling bread. The bacon... oh how I only remember the pain. Burnt, blackened, jagged pieces of meat that did so tear at the roof of my mouth. Yet all too soon, even these horrors receded to the inner most depths of my mind as this most unholy sandwich brought to the forefront the visage of an unbearably oppressive desert hellscape. So very dry that acid rain of Venus would have been welcomed to quench my desperate thirst. Where your average burger king produces sandwiches so utterly drenched in condiments that it often extrudes into one's lap upon consumption... the condiments in this sandwich were but hollow whispers... Denying expectation and the very laws that govern the cosmos.

It was then I realized that what I was experiencing could only be described as evil... I should have turned back. However, I had to press forward. I had to see the truth! HOW FOOLISH I WAS! I attempted to consume the fries. However, they too were an anomaly. The flavor, texture and consistency of fries left in a car in winter, yet somehow assaulting me with the heat Mephistopheles himself would lust for in his dominion. I needed a drink, anything to remove this vile flavor and unrelenting burn, my mouth vacant of moister! In desperation, I searched the bag for a straw so that I may at least enjoy the comfort of my medium Dr. Pepper. But woe... all that awaited me was woe! There was, Hahaha, NO STRAW!

I felt all sensibility leak from my mind. My rationality shattered, almost audibly so in my own ears. I had ventured too deep! The abyss... OWNED ME! SOILED ME! Ripped me hither toe from my humanity! In all this arid desperation, my dry lips fused shut in dehydration! Evil had won that night! I have no mouth... and I must scream!

Don't eat here, the food is awful.