Jesus Tap Dancing Crust

I had a Chrysler 200 rental car for ~4 months while my M3 was getting repaired (this was in 2016). This car had the 9 speed and some pathetically gutless 4 cylinder engine....it was embarrassingly slow and dangerously dimwitted.  I timed it when accelerating from 30mph to 65 mph-- one and a half full seconds elapsed between the time I floored the pedal to the time it kicked down a few gears, and then another few seconds more of "acceleration". Thankfully I had a protected merge lane, and knew it was going to do this ahead of time, but that transmission's programming is dangerously stupid and utterly useless. Imagine if there was no protected merge and there was a semi truck barreling down in the right lane-- I'd have been smashed, and there's nothing I could have done about it! Flooring the pedal should not flummox the transmission computer-- that's a signal to GO FAST NOW NOW NOW!
 
I would avoid anything that has that 9 speed transmission in it. It is terribly jerky, horribly programmed, and favors efficiency over performance to the detriment of safety.
 
Actually, screw any and all automatics. No unexpected shift delay in a manual, no moronic computer second guessing your inputs. Never have I ever been happier to be back in my 20 year old manual everything car than after that long extended rental experience. Screw automatics, and avoid the 9 speed ZF like the plague.

If you're okay with a van, Toyota Sienna AWD. There's a reason why all taxi vans are Siennas.
 
3.6L Subaru Outback or Toyota Venza V6. These crossovers are really just jacked up wagons, not SUVs like most of them, so you're getting something close to a sedan.
 
Ford Flex AWD - basically a Taurus wagon with seating for 6 or 7 and lots of space for anything you want to throw in it. Because it shares mechanicals with a popular cop car, it should be able to be abused and still run great at the end of the day. Comes with an option for a ~400hp twin turbo engine if you want performance. Only suggesting it because you named the Lincoln MKZ in the OP, suggesting you're okay with Ford products. However, I'm not sure if you'd like the Flex's looks because it's a little van like.
 
As for a sedan, I'll suggest either the Lexus GS350 AWD if you want something slightly bigger to fit your ball hockey gear without using rear seat space (if you don't have too much, then it would be overkill, so don't get it if that's the case). Or, you can get the G37x because it seems to suit Nick Van Berkel's active lifestyle pretty well

9 speed is a ZF transmission. Honda may be phasing them out for the internally designed 10 speeds because of how many issues that Acura has had with the ZFs.

This past Saturday, I went to check out the NCIX headquarters/warehouse in Richmond. I recorded some video, which took a look at the complex itself (which I have never been to before), the notices posted on the doors, and as much of the interior as I could through the doors and windows. I also tried to find the original LTT studio, but I wasn't able to see it from outside. Maybe it was behind some of the windows I couldn't see through, or maybe it's just impossible to see from outside.
 
Here's the video: 
 
All of the footage after the jumpcut was re-recorded, as I was caught by a man who I think was the CEO of NCIX. He was cool about me being there and filming, and simply asked me to not include him in the video. As he made an appearance in my original footage, I had to delete it and start over. His car (the Audi) can be seen parked in the drive-by shots, and leaving the complex in the walkaround. I wish I could get some footage of the inside, but I don't think I would've been allowed inside. The man who I think was the CEO left seconds after our encounter, as he was just here to collect some things that were left inside. Anyways, RIP NCIX. 1996-2017, gone but never forgotten.

I know it's weird, but I recently found this on Craigslist and would buy it if I had the money:
https://vancouver.craigslist.ca/bnc/ctd/d/2012-chevrolet-express/6525691306.html
I mean, it's about the same size as a U-Haul truck, and most importantly, lets me use bus lanes...
 
However, I think my true dream car is a bone stock JZA80 Supra twin turbo 6 speed coupe, because I've wanted one for years.
 
I actually have an entire dream garage, which so far consists of (I add new cars/vehicles to it every now and then):
The aforementioned Supra Bone stock Nissan R32 GTR Mercedes 560SE (not 560SEL) W126 BMW E39 wagon with M5 powertrain swap 1987-89 Toyota Crown GS130G (wagon; Middle East model) Toyota Crown GRS180 (Chinese model) Toyota Cressida MX80 1983 Toyota Sprinter Trueno AE86 (as if that isn't obvious from my profile pic) Bone stock Nissan S13 Bone stock NA Miata

There are many existing videos showing the interior of the building anyway so I don't really care. I mean it would've been cool if I got to go inside and film the whole place in its deserted state though.

I know it's weird, but I recently found this on Craigslist and would buy it if I had the money:
https://vancouver.craigslist.ca/bnc/ctd/d/2012-chevrolet-express/6525691306.html
I mean, it's about the same size as a U-Haul truck, and most importantly, lets me use bus lanes...
 
However, I think my true dream car is a bone stock JZA80 Supra twin turbo 6 speed coupe, because I've wanted one for years.
 
I actually have an entire dream garage, which so far consists of (I add new cars/vehicles to it every now and then):
The aforementioned Supra Bone stock Nissan R32 GTR Mercedes 560SE (not 560SEL) W126 BMW E39 wagon with M5 powertrain swap 1987-89 Toyota Crown GS130G (wagon; Middle East model) Toyota Crown GRS180 (Chinese model) Toyota Cressida MX80 1983 Toyota Sprinter Trueno AE86 (as if that isn't obvious from my profile pic) Bone stock Nissan S13 Bone stock NA Miata

Did I say something different?
 
But yes, there are good and bad cars by every car brand.

yeah, your right was just talking about the part you said about Linus's old studio