bonus points: a script that proposes the most appropriate canned response.

Still trying to find a job?

i'd rephrase: still trying to not give up on the job market as a whole.

Why would you give up trying to find a job?

because of bullshit like "required languages: french, dutch, and dutch", recruitment offices that have *many* jobs, to a point even programmers go "dude.. many is more than two, you have one offering, sod off..."

and probably my favourite: "can you email that to me? i prefer to read things trough rather than making a decision on the phone" "no, we cant do that"

ITS FREAKING 2017, WHAT KIND OF BUISINESS ONLY OPERATES BY PHONE.

If it helps I don't speak French or Dutch so I'd be totally screwed.  lol

That does seem odd that they wouldn't email you details for jobs.  

What kind of job are you looking for?

i'm looking for a job where i dont hate myself, preferably something in IT.