Geekazoid

Huh.
​So, I had this disturbing revelation. I wish there were a better way to share it with others, because it's hard to explain how everything connects for me. I guess I'll try and start at the beginning.
One thing you may or may not know about me is that I don't like this world. Not at all. When I was young, I could see that my dreams could never be real in it. Because of this, I usually went to media like video games and anime because they didn't have the limitations this world does.
As I've grown up, I've played and watched more and more of these stories. And as I've realized how many of them there are, I became disheartened because I realized I could never experience them all in a normal human lifetime (part of the limitations of the world).
Well, while I was thinking about my relationship with God and stuff, I realized something. This disheartened feeling was causing an evil reaction in me. I mean, obviously being disheartened to things you love in general is bad, but there's a very special reason this particular reaction to this feeling of mine is evil. And that is because of what it implies. But I'll get to what it implies in a second.
This feeling is based on the idea that I enjoy a certain something (for me, video games and anime, for others, whatever), and that I will do my best, with my spare time, to experience as much of it as I can with that time. And make more of that time when possible. It actually reminds me of a quote I saw once:
"Everything changed the day she realized there was just enough time in life for the important things."
Paraphrased, but close.
Though that implies the same thing that my reaction (which is to experience as much as I can with what spare time I do have) does, but it helps explain what I'm saying, I think.
The problem with that quote, and the problem with my reaction to that feeling (and the feeling itself, really) is that it implies I'm going to die.
I'm effectively resigning myself to death by accepting this feeling and reacting to it in this way. That there will be a point where there is "no more time". Which obviously isn't true.
And then I thought about how people normally lived their lives. How society views these types of things. And from what I can tell, it's the same thing.
Everyone is living like they are going to die. Trying to claim whatever "life" they can before they do die. Which leads me to this:
Matthew 16:24-25
And that's when I realized I was being sucked into society's view of life. To take what you can before your gone, rather than to prepare for your "real" life.
And so, personally, I've resolved myself to ask the simple question of "Why?" when I do things from now on. "Because I enjoy it." is not good enough anymore. In fact, I would say I should avoid such things where that is the only reason I do them (i.e. video games and anime for me).
Because if they are really worth spending time on, I will see them again. I'm sure of it.