Mistersprinkles

(Just now)
Mom: I'm going to take the USB to my TV in my room so I can watch that show
Me: Do you know how to use the USB on your TV?
Mom: I can figure it out.
 
2 minutes later
 
Mom: I can't get it to go in and I don't want to force it
Me: It only goes in one way make sure its lined up properly
Mom: Does it go in the first one, the second one, or the third one?
Me: There's only 1 USB port, the other 2 are HDMI
Mom: So I have to plug it into USB?

My ex girlfriend's mom bought a new computer from best buy (facepalm) in 2003. I go
"what's in it?"
"It's loaded"
"With what?"
"You can hook 2 monitors up to it"
"What parts are in it though?"
"It can burn CDs!"
"I know but what parts are in it?"
"It has 7.1 sound!"
"No but like Intel? AMD? How much RAM?"
"It can read SD cards!"
(I gave up)
 
In 2000 I went computer shopping with my aunt to buy my cousins their first computer
"Where do you want to go?"
"Well there's a computer parts store in Toronto called..."
"I'm not driving that far. Let's go to Future Shop"
"I don't know if that's really a good idea..."
"No Future shop has lots of computers let's go there"
 
we get to future shop. We're looking at various towers, we get to the laptops. She looks puzzled...
"Where's the computer?"
"Right there." (I point to the laptop)
"That's just a screen and a keyboard"
"No that's a whole computer"
"I thought computers were big rectangles"
"That's called a desktop this is a laptop"
"Let's get one of those then"
"No you get less performance for your dollar with those"
 
an hour or so later, I've been explaining the basics of what goes on inside a computer so she can help pick one out, as she won't give me a maximum budget to work with so I can just pick out the best system for the money. She finally points at one and says
"This is the one"
"Why that one?"
"It can play DVDs"
"Why don't you get a DVD player?"
"Why do I need a DVD player when the computer can do it?"
"DVD drives are expensive right now, that's cutting into the budget where you could get a better CPU or a bigger hard drive instead"
"Will it still play DVDs?"
"No"
"Ok then let's get this one"
 
And that was the one we got. Humorously enough, it didn't list the graphics card (integrated graphics were a rarity in 2000) so it was "mystery GPU" time. We get it home, install Unreal Tournament, and low and behold, it flies like the wind. Opened the case up and there was a GeForce 2 in the thing. Sometimes you win. 

Back in the early 90s my best friends loser stepfather bought him a new computer, in order to attempt to buy his affection. He actually tried to hack a PS/2 connector to fit in a USB port. He crimped it, made it rectangular, put all the pins on one end of the connector, and slid it in. There was a spark. I lol'd. 

My uncle used to always say he knew a lot about computers. But I always knew I knew more than him. In 2004 he built his own computer for the first time. He called me and said he couldn't get his AGP GPU to work. I told him he needed a GART driver since he was using an AMD system. He was like "Wtf is a GART driver". I finally got to rub his nose in the fact that I knew more than him. Muahahaha
 
Once when I was in 7th grade back in 1995, our computer science teacher was showing us what all the different parts of a computer looked like. He held up a hard drive and said "This is an 800GB hard drive". I put my hand up and told him that (this is 1996, lest we forget) 800GB hard drives did not exist. He told me I was wrong, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind hooking the hard drive up to a computer and checking the capacity. It was 800MB. 

My grandfather. So many stories.
 
He used to put his CD's, not in the optical drive, but rather in the gap between the optical drive and the drive bay cover directly under it. One day he said "My computer has eaten like 25 CD's and I when I open the CD drive it's empty. The discs just disappear." I opened the case and there were about 30 discs just strewn about inside.
 
Another time he called me at 4am, woke me up, and told me his PC wouldn't turn on. I asked him to at least make sure it was plugged in and the power supply was turned on. He said he didn't know how to do that. I got there... and it wasn't plugged in. Problem solved.

Oh my GOD you MORONS. You're telling him to open a high current device with massive capacitors that can deliver a SERIOUS shock!
 
You DO NOT open power supplies or CRT monitors. You just don't do it.
 
You god damn ignorant chumps could electrocute this poor guy. Idiots. 
 
DO NOT open your PSU. get compressed air and blow it out WITH THE CASING INTACT.
 
God damnit you idiots piss me off sometimes.

Back in the early 90s my best friends loser stepfather bought him a new computer, in order to attempt to buy his affection. He actually tried to hack a PS/2 connector to fit in a USB port. He crimped it, made it rectangular, put all the pins on one end of the connector, and slid it in. There was a spark. I lol'd. 

(Just now)
Mom: I'm going to take the USB to my TV in my room so I can watch that show
Me: Do you know how to use the USB on your TV?
Mom: I can figure it out.
 
2 minutes later
 
Mom: I can't get it to go in and I don't want to force it
Me: It only goes in one way make sure its lined up properly
Mom: Does it go in the first one, the second one, or the third one?
Me: There's only 1 USB port, the other 2 are HDMI
Mom: So I have to plug it into USB?

Last night my mother calls me over. She's on her ipad. "How to I put this in facebook". 
"How do you put what in facebook?"
"This" (points to two links)
"Cut and paste it"
"How do I do that?"
(I highlight, cut)
"Go to facebook now and paste it"
(she goes to facebook)
"How do I paste it?"
"Double tap"
(she does two taps 3 seconds apart)
"No double tap faster. Ok now tap paste"
"This isn't what I wanted"
"But these are the links you wanted to copy and paste, mom"
"No this is two things I only wanted one thing"

My uncle used to always say he knew a lot about computers. But I always knew I knew more than him. In 2004 he built his own computer for the first time. He called me and said he couldn't get his AGP GPU to work. I told him he needed a GART driver since he was using an AMD system. He was like "Wtf is a GART driver". I finally got to rub his nose in the fact that I knew more than him. Muahahaha
 
Once when I was in 7th grade back in 1995, our computer science teacher was showing us what all the different parts of a computer looked like. He held up a hard drive and said "This is an 800GB hard drive". I put my hand up and told him that (this is 1996, lest we forget) 800GB hard drives did not exist. He told me I was wrong, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind hooking the hard drive up to a computer and checking the capacity. It was 800MB. 

From another forum: 
 
Hello,

I'm taking the initiative to thank you for welcoming me to the overclockers' community. As for my first post, you are going to read about one of my systems' adventures during the past 6 months. Let's get it on with!

There I am building one of my personal computers during late 2010. It was the year the new Fermi-based chip-set was announced by nVidia and came into the then brand new GTX 480. What a beast of a GPU, it stood as a legacy for the single-core cards out there being by far the fastest and most well-performing, even though it run loud and hot. Still rocking on heavily to be quite honest. Now, along with the 600-euros-worth card back then, I went with somewhat less expensive hardware but still my choices were not that bad - and I stand corrected by what happened during the last 6 months.

The motherboard of my choice was an ASUS Crosshair Formula IV by RoG, the CPU was a 6 core AMD branded Phenom II 1090T and my PSU a Thermaltake Toughpower 750W. 16GBs of Kingston HyperX memory running hot on 1866MHz and the whole setup (throw in a Samsung SSD) inside a Cooler Master HAF 932, case modded with some fancy heat-sinks and silent yet powerful (plus colorful) fans. The general experience using this system was breathtaking. Games flooded with tons of FPS, I never experienced anything but blissful gaming and multitasking. Up until 6 months ago that I decided to clean up the dust that conspired against it's health. 

I removed everything carefully and cleaned the pieces. The moment to take the CPU's heat-sink arrived, and as I unlocked it and dragged it out, the idiots at my local shop that I trusted to put the pieces together, as I was working and had no time back then, applied way too much thermal paste resulting in it becoming as hard as cement thus the CPU was stuck underneath it and came off forcefully with the heat-sink. At first I didn't quite understand what happened and I was searching for a CPU on my motherboard. There was none. 

That's the moment were I thought that it's over. There's no way the CPU survived the way it came out with the lever intact. Desperate enough to put everything back together in order to see if any damage was done, I faced an even greater problem - the CPU would not come off the heat-sink. I used alcohol (a whole lot of it) to remove the tons of thermal compound, I used heat, brute force, the CPU was not coming off. And wen I pulled the lever up in order to just place the CPU+Heat-Sink as one back into the motherboard, the lever would become an obstacle to the Heat-Sink so it couldn't go in. There was no way.

Or so thought I for a moment.

Filled with disappointment that led to anger, I brutally removed the lever, unlocked the socket with my hands, straightened some CPU pins I accidentally almost broke using a flat screwdriver and punched the thing I was holding on the socket the moment I managed to feel all of the pins in place. I then locked the Heat-Sink and hoped for the best, although I was 100% certain that part was done. Finished. Dead.

As you can probably guess since this is an expected plot twist right now, my system started up. The CPU was fully operational under excellent temperatures. Relieved, I was. 

For six months it run non-stop, until yesterday. The computer just wouldn't start up. At all. And there was no led-lit indication on my motherboard as to what the problem might be. The readings I took on a multi-meter when I tested the 20+4pin ATX connector showed normal voltages plus the paper-clip jump start worked on the PSU thus I concluded that the CPU, since it went through a lot, was to blame. The capacitors on my motherboard all looked neat and that made me take a set of actions that I wouldn't under other circumstances.

Now I don't know why I did all that since I was convinced the CPU was the faulty piece of hardware, but I had a feeling, an instinct that itched, that something was off with electricity in that case despite the fact that my tests proved the PSU in good condition. So I first decided to try another PSU, but not before I did the following, for no obvious reason whatsoever:

Once again, I ripped the Heat-Sink and it's well-stuck-with buddy out of the AM3 socket, took another flat screwdriver and placed it next to the metallic side of the CPU. I then started hitting the screwdriver with a sledgehammer. The Phenom II took more than 10 hits in order to get off. The next step was, without thinking, to - for some reason - clean the thermal compound. I took the screwdriver and started ripping it off the CPU. Gently, but not gently enough - I didn't care what happened to it anymore. It was like peeling off color from some piece of metal. The Phenom was scratched pretty badly after the process, but it was now clean! And so was the Heat-Sink. I applied a random thermal compound I found inside my drawers after cleaning the CPU with some alcohol and put everything back in place, along with a new PSU unit.

And the system came to life. The PSU was the broken link. I am still amazed the CPU is running in, again, excellent condition under optimal temperatures, even lower than the past 4 years!

The quality of engineering plays a definitive role as to how hardware is going to act according to the way you treat it. But most importantly, if the way you treat it follows a logical path, it will most likely survive all blows. Because that CPU took 10 sledgehammer hits, but they were made to the point and at an angle I deemed the least dangerous for it to break. Because that CPU had the thermal compound cleaned with a screwdriver instead of Q-tips, but there was minimal and gentle contact between the two. Basic engineering knowledge can get you safely out of desperate paths, even if you're lost in them for good, in an angry mood, full of bitter disappointment. 

Or am I just lucky?...

I was once at an Office Depot and there was a guy looking at the CDRW drives (this is in ancient times, when DVDRW did not exist *GASP*). A sales associate comes over.
"Can I help you?"
"I'd like to buy a CD burner"
"What do you want to use it for"
"Promotional CDs for my company. Is there a way to professionally write on the CDs I make?"
"No"
I pipe up 
"Get a lightscribe drive."
"What's that?" says the sales tech
I just look away in disbelief. The customer asks the sales guy
"Which one is the best one?"
Sales guy points to the most expensive drive there
"So the most expensive is the best?"
"Yes"
So I pipe up again
"Most expensive is not definitely the best. This slighly cheaper Plextor drive is better than that drive" 
(This is when plextor was the big pimpin emperor of optical drives)
The sales associate says "Ok just let me put my comission tag on that"
The customer yanks the drive away from him 
"I think this guy over here (points at me) should put put HIS comission tag on it"
I LOL.

From another forum: 
 
Hello,

I'm taking the initiative to thank you for welcoming me to the overclockers' community. As for my first post, you are going to read about one of my systems' adventures during the past 6 months. Let's get it on with!

There I am building one of my personal computers during late 2010. It was the year the new Fermi-based chip-set was announced by nVidia and came into the then brand new GTX 480. What a beast of a GPU, it stood as a legacy for the single-core cards out there being by far the fastest and most well-performing, even though it run loud and hot. Still rocking on heavily to be quite honest. Now, along with the 600-euros-worth card back then, I went with somewhat less expensive hardware but still my choices were not that bad - and I stand corrected by what happened during the last 6 months.

The motherboard of my choice was an ASUS Crosshair Formula IV by RoG, the CPU was a 6 core AMD branded Phenom II 1090T and my PSU a Thermaltake Toughpower 750W. 16GBs of Kingston HyperX memory running hot on 1866MHz and the whole setup (throw in a Samsung SSD) inside a Cooler Master HAF 932, case modded with some fancy heat-sinks and silent yet powerful (plus colorful) fans. The general experience using this system was breathtaking. Games flooded with tons of FPS, I never experienced anything but blissful gaming and multitasking. Up until 6 months ago that I decided to clean up the dust that conspired against it's health. 

I removed everything carefully and cleaned the pieces. The moment to take the CPU's heat-sink arrived, and as I unlocked it and dragged it out, the idiots at my local shop that I trusted to put the pieces together, as I was working and had no time back then, applied way too much thermal paste resulting in it becoming as hard as cement thus the CPU was stuck underneath it and came off forcefully with the heat-sink. At first I didn't quite understand what happened and I was searching for a CPU on my motherboard. There was none. 

That's the moment were I thought that it's over. There's no way the CPU survived the way it came out with the lever intact. Desperate enough to put everything back together in order to see if any damage was done, I faced an even greater problem - the CPU would not come off the heat-sink. I used alcohol (a whole lot of it) to remove the tons of thermal compound, I used heat, brute force, the CPU was not coming off. And wen I pulled the lever up in order to just place the CPU+Heat-Sink as one back into the motherboard, the lever would become an obstacle to the Heat-Sink so it couldn't go in. There was no way.

Or so thought I for a moment.

Filled with disappointment that led to anger, I brutally removed the lever, unlocked the socket with my hands, straightened some CPU pins I accidentally almost broke using a flat screwdriver and punched the thing I was holding on the socket the moment I managed to feel all of the pins in place. I then locked the Heat-Sink and hoped for the best, although I was 100% certain that part was done. Finished. Dead.

As you can probably guess since this is an expected plot twist right now, my system started up. The CPU was fully operational under excellent temperatures. Relieved, I was. 

For six months it run non-stop, until yesterday. The computer just wouldn't start up. At all. And there was no led-lit indication on my motherboard as to what the problem might be. The readings I took on a multi-meter when I tested the 20+4pin ATX connector showed normal voltages plus the paper-clip jump start worked on the PSU thus I concluded that the CPU, since it went through a lot, was to blame. The capacitors on my motherboard all looked neat and that made me take a set of actions that I wouldn't under other circumstances.

Now I don't know why I did all that since I was convinced the CPU was the faulty piece of hardware, but I had a feeling, an instinct that itched, that something was off with electricity in that case despite the fact that my tests proved the PSU in good condition. So I first decided to try another PSU, but not before I did the following, for no obvious reason whatsoever:

Once again, I ripped the Heat-Sink and it's well-stuck-with buddy out of the AM3 socket, took another flat screwdriver and placed it next to the metallic side of the CPU. I then started hitting the screwdriver with a sledgehammer. The Phenom II took more than 10 hits in order to get off. The next step was, without thinking, to - for some reason - clean the thermal compound. I took the screwdriver and started ripping it off the CPU. Gently, but not gently enough - I didn't care what happened to it anymore. It was like peeling off color from some piece of metal. The Phenom was scratched pretty badly after the process, but it was now clean! And so was the Heat-Sink. I applied a random thermal compound I found inside my drawers after cleaning the CPU with some alcohol and put everything back in place, along with a new PSU unit.

And the system came to life. The PSU was the broken link. I am still amazed the CPU is running in, again, excellent condition under optimal temperatures, even lower than the past 4 years!

The quality of engineering plays a definitive role as to how hardware is going to act according to the way you treat it. But most importantly, if the way you treat it follows a logical path, it will most likely survive all blows. Because that CPU took 10 sledgehammer hits, but they were made to the point and at an angle I deemed the least dangerous for it to break. Because that CPU had the thermal compound cleaned with a screwdriver instead of Q-tips, but there was minimal and gentle contact between the two. Basic engineering knowledge can get you safely out of desperate paths, even if you're lost in them for good, in an angry mood, full of bitter disappointment. 

Or am I just lucky?...

Last night my mother calls me over. She's on her ipad. "How to I put this in facebook". 
"How do you put what in facebook?"
"This" (points to two links)
"Cut and paste it"
"How do I do that?"
(I highlight, cut)
"Go to facebook now and paste it"
(she goes to facebook)
"How do I paste it?"
"Double tap"
(she does two taps 3 seconds apart)
"No double tap faster. Ok now tap paste"
"This isn't what I wanted"
"But these are the links you wanted to copy and paste, mom"
"No this is two things I only wanted one thing"

Once, I reinstalled my grandfather's windows, dusted his computer, organized all his files and folders, organized his bookmarks, organized his whole office, fixed the cables for everything to be all nice and neat running in straight lines along the back of his desk... He thanks me profusely. I come back 2 days later, everything is back the way it was. I asked myself how this was possible...

My ex girlfriend's mom bought a new computer from best buy (facepalm) in 2003. I go
"what's in it?"
"It's loaded"
"With what?"
"You can hook 2 monitors up to it"
"What parts are in it though?"
"It can burn CDs!"
"I know but what parts are in it?"
"It has 7.1 sound!"
"No but like Intel? AMD? How much RAM?"
"It can read SD cards!"
(I gave up)
 
In 2000 I went computer shopping with my aunt to buy my cousins their first computer
"Where do you want to go?"
"Well there's a computer parts store in Toronto called..."
"I'm not driving that far. Let's go to Future Shop"
"I don't know if that's really a good idea..."
"No Future shop has lots of computers let's go there"
 
we get to future shop. We're looking at various towers, we get to the laptops. She looks puzzled...
"Where's the computer?"
"Right there." (I point to the laptop)
"That's just a screen and a keyboard"
"No that's a whole computer"
"I thought computers were big rectangles"
"That's called a desktop this is a laptop"
"Let's get one of those then"
"No you get less performance for your dollar with those"
 
an hour or so later, I've been explaining the basics of what goes on inside a computer so she can help pick one out, as she won't give me a maximum budget to work with so I can just pick out the best system for the money. She finally points at one and says
"This is the one"
"Why that one?"
"It can play DVDs"
"Why don't you get a DVD player?"
"Why do I need a DVD player when the computer can do it?"
"DVD drives are expensive right now, that's cutting into the budget where you could get a better CPU or a bigger hard drive instead"
"Will it still play DVDs?"
"No"
"Ok then let's get this one"
 
And that was the one we got. Humorously enough, it didn't list the graphics card (integrated graphics were a rarity in 2000) so it was "mystery GPU" time. We get it home, install Unreal Tournament, and low and behold, it flies like the wind. Opened the case up and there was a GeForce 2 in the thing. Sometimes you win. 

I'm teaching computer lessons to a senior lady in my building. She's in her 80s and decided to get into computers. She bought a piece of junk Celeron based lappy that was manufactured around 2012 (it didn't even have Win 8.1) and she got ripped off- almost $450 with the "extended warranty" from Walmart, which we all know is like setting money on fire or flushing it down the toilet. Always get the OEM's warranty, not the store. 
 
Anyways she is quite unhappy with it. It is slower than a tortoise that has lost 3 of its legs to gangreene and using it is torturous. Now she's talking about upgrading to an iPad. It would definitely be much easier to use.
 
She's such a noob it's sad. She switched up her router and the ISP configured it for her so all she had to do was select the new network and enter the password. I was trying to explain it over the phone but she didn't get it. I described the WIFI symbol in the bottom right of the screen and told her how to click on it but she said it wasnt there. So I had to go to her place. Sure enough, it was there.
 
The things I do for free... I'm too nice.

ASRock Z97 Extreme6 is in your budget. No competition. The other two boards that have been suggested are trash by comparison.

Can you link me to the website for that mousepad? It's so simple and post-modern. I love it. I'm going to get one.
You have good taste, bro.

ASRock Z97 Extreme6 is in your budget. No competition. The other two boards that have been suggested are trash by comparison.

Have you ever seen the inside of a computer?
 

 
The optical drive is encased in a metallic casing. Only the bezel is plastic. 
 
OP- put a piece of electrical tape between the optical drive and the motherboard.

I'm teaching computer lessons to a senior lady in my building. She's in her 80s and decided to get into computers. She bought a piece of junk Celeron based lappy that was manufactured around 2012 (it didn't even have Win 8.1) and she got ripped off- almost $450 with the "extended warranty" from Walmart, which we all know is like setting money on fire or flushing it down the toilet. Always get the OEM's warranty, not the store. 
 
Anyways she is quite unhappy with it. It is slower than a tortoise that has lost 3 of its legs to gangreene and using it is torturous. Now she's talking about upgrading to an iPad. It would definitely be much easier to use.
 
She's such a noob it's sad. She switched up her router and the ISP configured it for her so all she had to do was select the new network and enter the password. I was trying to explain it over the phone but she didn't get it. I described the WIFI symbol in the bottom right of the screen and told her how to click on it but she said it wasnt there. So I had to go to her place. Sure enough, it was there.
 
The things I do for free... I'm too nice.

I'm teaching computer lessons to a senior lady in my building. She's in her 80s and decided to get into computers. She bought a piece of junk Celeron based lappy that was manufactured around 2012 (it didn't even have Win 8.1) and she got ripped off- almost $450 with the "extended warranty" from Walmart, which we all know is like setting money on fire or flushing it down the toilet. Always get the OEM's warranty, not the store. 
 
Anyways she is quite unhappy with it. It is slower than a tortoise that has lost 3 of its legs to gangreene and using it is torturous. Now she's talking about upgrading to an iPad. It would definitely be much easier to use.
 
She's such a noob it's sad. She switched up her router and the ISP configured it for her so all she had to do was select the new network and enter the password. I was trying to explain it over the phone but she didn't get it. I described the WIFI symbol in the bottom right of the screen and told her how to click on it but she said it wasnt there. So I had to go to her place. Sure enough, it was there.
 
The things I do for free... I'm too nice.

Ok, surround sound and "audiophile" don't belong together. NO audiophile uses surround sound. There are a lot of reasons for that, and if you want to know what they are I suggest you join the forums at computer audiophile or canuck audio mart and ask.
 
You will get very good 3D stereo imaging from proper 2.0 speakers. You are better off, and wiser, to buy a 2 channel integrated amplifier and a high quality pair of speakers. The amp, with only 2 channels, will be higher "quality per channel" than an equally priced 5.1 amp, and the speakers will be better quality too. $1000 buys much better 2.0 speakers than it does 5.1 speakers. 
 
I suggest you look at a Naim M2 ($1000), a pair of KEF LS50 ($1600) satellites, and a subwoofer that you feel fits your room acoustics satisfactorily ($350-1000). I suggest getting a couple, auditioning them at home, and returning the one you don't like. 

A very good USB DAC for about $400-500 is the TEAC UD 301. For $750 the UD 501 is miles ahead. They are dual mono DACs meaning that the L/R channels have their own independant circuitry, DAC chips, and outputs for better stereo separation. I have the UD 301 powering about $2300 of HIFI gear and I'm very happy with it. 

A 960 is pretty close to being equivalent to a 680, but not quite. Honestly, at 1080P without going nuts with AA, AF and AO, you don't NEED anything better than a 960. Would a 280X or even a 280 have been better? Sure... but IDK what those cost in your country.
 
I suggest you keep your 960 and count your blessings, as I know a lot of people who don't even have something as good as your 960.
 
For example, in Spain, in the town I visit every summer where my grandmother lives, most kids don't even have a decent PC. they don't even have a smart phone. They use their parents crappy ipads at home and in the evenings they go to the internet cafe and pay 2 Euros to stay there all night playing WOW, LOL and CS GO. And these are crappy computers.
 
You're lightyears ahead and your computer is at home. Good stuff. 
 
I was using a 580 until last November and it was fine for 1080P. I'm starting to think I bought my 980 purely for the E-Peen. And now the 980Ti is out so I just lost 2" of E-Peen right there.