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Thoughts on the iPhone 14

AudiTTFan

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As the proud user of a tried-and-tired iPhone XS with an ailing battery and more scuffs than a drunk driver’s car, it should be fairly obvious that I’m not the kind of person who excitedly buys the latest iPhone when it comes out. Still, I often argue with the keyboard comedians out there who always make the same jokes about how a new iPhone is the same as the last one.

 

I’ve always disagreed with these people for several reasons over the years:

  1. The camera usually gets a significant upgrade.

  2. The SoC usually gets a significant upgrade.

  3. The battery life usually gets a significant upgrade.

  4. The new iPhone 12 DOES in fact have a different design than the 11, so stop pulling totally incorrect jokes out of your ass... (Yeah, this 4th argument is real dated these days.)

 

NOTE: Before you tell me about the iPhone 14 Pro actually being different, this article is about the standard iPhone 14. The iPhone 14 Pro actually looks really promising IMO.

 

If I did ever upgrade to a new iPhone, I’d certainly get one of the “Mini” models. In the iPhone 14 announcement today, Apple claimed they’ve stopped making new generations of Mini iPhones. I can’t agree with that, however, because the way I see it, they’ve stopped making new generations of iPhones altogether.

 

Yes, I just made my first-ever joke about a new iPhone being the same as the old one. I can now legally declare myself a true internet user. Unfortunately, it’s because this time there are no arguments to be made in the iPhone’s defense. Yes, that’s right: none of the arguments listed above are valid for the new iPhone 14.

 

Does the new phone look different in any way whatsoever? Are they continuing to phase out the notch across the entire lineup? Is the camera significantly better? Is the SoC significantly better? Is the battery significantly better? Will this insanity end? That would be no, no, no, no, no and probably no. (Does it even have a SIM tray so you can at least switch to another carrier when Rogers has another service outage, rather than being forced to wait until the outage ends? Also no.)

 

The iPhone 14 has the same old notch, the same old camera, (yes, the exact same!) the same old design, and get this, the same old A15 chip introduced last year. Yes, I know there’s a larger iPhone available now. Yes, I know they’ve had iPhone cameras stay the same between generations before. Yes, I know there have been iPhones that looked exactly like the outgoing model in every way. The difference is that those iPhones were S models like my iPhone XS, or the iPhone 4S. Also, they’ve never used the same chip for 2 years in a row, at least outside of the budget models. To me, everything about the iPhone 14 is an absolute joke.

 

I’d like to end this rant with a shorter version of everything I just said. I grew up in a world where I and everybody else associated Apple, and especially the iPhone, with cutting-edge innovation. To see the iPhone 14 offer about as much innovation as a coffee mug feels like an insult to everyone who saw them as a constant game-changer just 8 years earlier.

 

 

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