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Dava's Hitchhiker's Guide to Digital Information.. or the Magratheans get iTunes..

dava4444

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(originally posted on the FTR blog on: Saturday, 4 July 2015)

 
[I hope you enjoy this lighthearted look at the modernization of transferring data. now please imagine hitchhiker's guide voice in your head for the remainder of the article*]



Sometime around 1900's of 'Earth', the transfugulation of the Betelgeusians, and Slartibartfast's 'Memoirs of Triumphant Galacticism'  book-signing, the primarily ape-like species of 'earth' realized information could be more than just words and baking recipes for fruit tarts.

Once they realized this it was pretty hard to stop them, even though it is rumored the Magratheans tried in the 1940's, however they were told 'Don't you know there's a war on?!' and told to go home, embarrassed, reluctantly they did so. It didn't take the humans of earth very long to make the information do things, and new social status of 'boffin' emerged in the 1960's.. they invented a metallic tape that could make the information back into words, they did this, of course, for their own amusement, but eventually they got bored and in the 1970s started making wireless technology over radio waves & storage devices for said radio information. 

Some of the humans even today think this technology is a type of 'magic', an archaic system using stones and crystals and compact discs, but these are also the ones who buy many internet downloads & marvel at the result, so no-one tells them how it's done or we might all lose money. shh!


Some time around the 1990's the technology was ready, humans had invented a record player style device called a 'hard drive' which was neither hard nor drove anywhere, but they seemed fond of the name so kept it. The device was a metallic plate that span while a very tiny needle read and stored the information, this, in the history of the human race was an important technology as the internet was coincidentally invented and people urgently wanted to listen to music while seeing more boobs.

In the 2000's the internet was so popular it became 'roaring', people wanted more and more storage devices to fill with cluttered files about who was the best Star Trek captain and photos of retro 80's cars.


However this was all to change, in 2007 The Apple Corporation released a device that was in fact not an apple, but an intelligent cellular device, which became known as a 'smartphone'. To the surprise of the inventors people actually used it, for what it was designed for, phoning people and listening to music, also the attractive calculator function, once famous in the 1980s made a victorious comeback, with one Apple employee noted as commenting 'oh! they like it again!'.

These treads continued well into the 2070's and were the cause of the black-year of earth, also-known-as the 'Rise of the Overlords'. 


Where as you know, the Synodyne Conglomeration, whilst trialing the 'Laser Telepathy' device, meant simply to replace smartphones, the test subjects escaped, and became Overlords of Earth.

Now if you'll just stare into the light we can transfer your consciousness into a jar for a bit, while I pop your body in a cryotube for safe keeping ..oh Don't Panic!! I've done this five times already.. and twice successfully 😄 ..not bad for my first day eh!? 😉




 
 
 

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