Interesting transition in my English paper...

[Dubesta11]

So I needed a way to transition from talking about computer hardware to developing relationships with my readers. I came up with this:

 

"Computer cases are designed to cool components using airflow and pressure. If there is more fans blowing out than sucking in, then air is forced in through every small crack, resulting in dust buildup in the case. This is called negative pressure. The opposite is where there are more fans blowing in than out, which is generally better for dust but may result in slightly higher temperatures. This is called positive pressure. Just like the airflow in my computer, I have to remain positive when writing and commenting. "

 

I thought it was quite good

[nerdyrcdriver]

Just be careful if first person isn't allowed. Words like, "my" and "I" are often not allowed and I personally hate it. Also, I am not sure how the rest of the paper goes, but the first "is" in the second sentence might be better replaced with "are". 

 

What is the overall topic of the paper? At least it is something interesting.

[gcubed]

Just as a suggestion, drop the word "sucking" in the second sentence.

 

Also, you might want to mention that a balanced airflow, where there are just as many fans moving air out of the case as moving it into the case, also helps to minimize dust buildup inside the case, and all of this assumes the use of filters on the air intake fans.

 

As nerdy said, the use of "my" and "I" should be avoided (unless the article you are writing is primarily about "your" rig). You could either just drop that last sentence or replace it with something like, "Just like airflow in a computer case, one should strive to remain positive when writing or commenting."